How To Flirt With A Guy (And Actually Have Fun)
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If you’re a single woman looking to meet an amazing man, you might find yourself wondering how the hell you’re meant to flirt with a guy.
I mean, we’ve all seen how it happens in the movies, right?
Guy meets girl.
They both know exactly what to say and when to say it. The whole encounter is the perfect combination of funny, dreamy, and sexy. And you’re left thinking, should I be flirting like THIS?
No. Don’t panic.
Movies are great but flirting and attraction rarely happen that way in real life. Real life is far more human and messy, and that’s kind of the beauty of it.
The problem is, no one ever teaches us how to flirt. It’s something we fumble through on our own, learning from our mistakes along the way. And let me tell you, I’ve made a TON of them.
Maybe you’re afraid of being rejected.
Maybe you don’t feel confident or sexy and feel awkward getting your flirt on.
Maybe you have no idea how or where to start.
Don’t worry. Whether you’ve always felt a little unsure how to flirt with a guy, or it’s just been a hot minute since you last practiced, I wrote this article for YOU.
And I want you to know that it’s in your DNA to know how to flirt—flirting is a biological instinct linked to our human desire to procreate. So your flirting game is in there somewhere; you just need to know how to tap into it and unleash it.
So, what exactly does it mean to flirt with a guy?
Before I show you how to flirt with a guy, let’s talk about what it means to flirt.
When you think of flirting, you might picture exaggerated, high-pitched laughter, sleazy innuendos, endless banter, and over-the-top public displays of affection.
Technically this is flirting, but it’s the total extreme and will often make everyone within a mile radius cringe. It’s the kind of flirting that makes you not want to flirt, right?
The sexiest, most enjoyable kind of flirting is far more subtle. It’s the flirting that keeps a guy on his toes and leaves him wondering, “Is this woman into me?” And before he knows what has happened, he’s already falling for you.
THIS is the kind of flirting I encourage my clients to focus on, and a decade of experience tells me that it works.
You’ll have fun, he’ll feel special, and who knows where it will lead?
First you’ve got to build your confidence
We all know that confidence is sexy, so how can you start feeling more confident today?
I’m going to be straight with you: building real confidence takes time. There’s no quick fix or magic potion.
One of the greatest blocks to our confidence, at least when it comes to dating, is a fear of rejection.
No woman enjoys having a guy tell her he isn’t romantically interested.
But the most confident women out there don’t take rejection personally. They understand that it’s a part of life. Not every guy out there will be for you, and that’s okay.
The second thing I want you to know is you have to love yourself first and foremost before you go looking for love. No guy out there is going to love you more than you can love yourself.
And finally, take care of yourself. Dress in a way that makes you feel good. Get a makeover if you need to change things up. Eat well. Move your body. All of these little things will help you feel good about yourself, and this will radiate outwards. When you show up as a confident woman, it will make it so much easier for the guy in question to connect with you.
So let’s get into it, shall we? Let’s examine both what you should do and should not do when flirting with a guy in person and over text.
How to flirt with a guy in person
1. Lean into your feminine energy
Men love it when women step into their femininity because it allows them to embrace their masculinity. This doesn’t mean you need to show up as a damsel in distress who needs saving (don’t do that); it just means you let him feel like a dude—at least in the early stages.
This is all part of step one of my 7 Little Love Steps to find, attract, and keep the relationship of your dreams.
If you’re cold and he offers you his jacket, take it and say thank you.
If you go out on a date and he offers to pay, let him and tell him what a gent he is.
Men like to feel like they’re taking the lead, and pursuing you and leaning into your feminine energy is a brilliant way to create this dynamic.
2. Practice your flirt often
You don’t have to reserve your flirting for the one guy you’re interested in at the moment. If you want to remember how to flirt after a hiatus, practice makes perfect.
Smile at the barista who hands you your triple shot latte. Maybe give him a wink if you’re feeling saucy.
Compliment the guy walking his dog on his cute pooch.
Touch a man you’re in a conversation with on the arm.
Flirting doesn’t necessarily mean that you want to date the guy. It does, however, light a man up and make him feel good. He’ll likely flirt back, and it’s just as good practice to learn how to receive flirts as give them.
3. Make eye contact
If it’s a “saw him across the room in a bar” situation, eye contact is your primary way of showing interest, given that you haven’t spoken yet. As you slowly turn your eyes across the room, lock eyes with him and let your glance linger. Give a sweet, confident smile, then look slowly away.
This guy may be unable to believe his luck that a lady as lovely as you would be looking his way, so it may take a few tries to get your message across.
Do keep an eye out for a female companion who might have stepped away to the bathroom before you try this flirting technique!
If you already know the object of your desires, look him in the eye when he talks to show that he has your undivided attention (such a rare thing these days, what with sidebarring, AKA us being so distracted by our phones).
As you remember how to flirt, eye contact will come more naturally.
4. If you want to flirt with a guy: Smile
Don’t force a smile if you’re not having fun and enjoying this man’s company. But if you are, then let him know. Smiling is one of the simplest ways to convey our emotions and let people know we’re having a good time.
Be friendly, warm, and enthusiastic. A happy woman is a thousand times more attractive than a cold, sullen one. Everyone loves to be around cheerful people—positive energy is infectious.
5. Playfully tease him
Do you remember how in kindergarten, when a boy likes a girl, he relentlessly teases her?
He can’t think of any other logical way to talk to or be around this girl, so he uses humor as a front.
And the thing about guys is, we don’t ever really grow up. Seriously, we don’t (just ask my wife).
So teasing is a language we still very much understand and connect to attraction. It helps break the ice, shows us you have a sense of humor, and helps build a connection.
Playful teasing is always a good thing, as long as it doesn’t turn personal or critical, and you don’t overdo it.
Here’s some inspiration to help you flirt with a guy by teasing him:
How do you get anything done when you’re thinking about me this much?!
Do you own anything other than slim-fit white tees that hug your six-pack?
Were you stalking my social media profiles again?!
I could definitely beat you at beer pong.
6. How to flirt with a guy: use body language to your advantage
THIS is how to flirt with a guy without being obvious. Flirting is all about the subtleties. Twirling your hair in your fingers. Moving your eyes to and from his lips when he’s speaking. Biting your lip gently. Leaning your body toward him. Playing with your jewelry. These are all little things you can do to flirt with a guy in a low-key way.
Even though you’re not being obvious, a guy will pick up on your cues whether he consciously realizes it or not.
As Hitch says, “Sixty percent of all human communication is nonverbal, body language; thirty percent is your tone. So that means that ninety percent of what you’re saying ain’t coming out of your mouth.”
7. Be genuinely interested in him
This might sound like a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised how many people overlook this one.
When you pay genuine attention to a man, he feels special.
That doesn’t mean looking around the room while he recites basketball stats. It means being authentic, really engaging, using his name, asking questions, and repeating some of the things he’s said.
Him: So I think I’m going to apply for the manager position.
You: Manager? Really? That’s great! What would you like most about that role?
Him: Well, I’d get a longer lunch, more money, and wear fancy ties.
You: So you’re a tie guy, huh? Hm, I see.
According to a study conducted by Faye Doell, there are two types of listening:
- Listening to understand
- Listening to respond
When you listen to understand, you’re actually hearing the person you’re listening to—guys like that (everyone does). When you listen to respond, you’re not properly listening; you’re waiting for a chance to jump in with your thoughts. That’s a more selfish type of listening, and that is not how to flirt.
8. Touch him (not in a weird way)
The gentlest of touches can let a guy know you’re interested. Let’s say you’re at a party and you want this guy to get your number, but you don’t know how short of saying, “Here’s my number! Take it! Call me!”
Instead, you decide to use touch to flirt. He says something hi-larious, and you toss your head back.
You touch his (rather bulging) bicep and say, “My face is hurting from laughing so much.”
Believe me. He gets that you’re interested at that point. So if he’s feeling it, he is going to ask for your number.
You can also gently touch his chest (no rubbing or lingering, please) or even his neck if things are progressing and you want to indicate that you’d be open to moving things along.
9. Flirt with a guy by complimenting him
When was the last time someone complimented you?
When was the last time you complimented someone?
Giving a compliment is such a tiny freaking thing that it amazes me that we don’t do it more. But as a result of us rarely complimenting one another, doing so as a flirting strategy can have a significant impact.
Wow, those turquoise shoes are fantastic.
That shirt really brings out the blue in your eyes.
I like your hair. Did you style it differently?
As humans, we simply want to be seen. And when someone compliments us, we feel seen. A man you direct a compliment toward realizes that you see him in a way that maybe he hadn’t realized before.
The key here is to be specific and personal with your compliments, so they don’t sound generic. This is how you’ll stand out in his mind for all the right reasons.
10. Speak his language
Let’s say you’re in a sports bar to watch your favorite basketball team, and you make eye contact with a hottie. He pretends to need to order a beer at the bar next to you, though his current bottle is half full. Now’s your opportunity to flirt with this guy by speaking his sport.
You: I see you’re a [insert team whose shirt he’s wearing] fan. Can you explain your team’s abominable behavior tonight?
Him: [taken aback] Whoa. Don’t blame me. They’re off their game tonight.
You: Did you catch last week’s game? [Awesome player] was on fire!
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Note: don’t engage in this kind of flirting if you know nothing about the “language” you’re trying to speak. If you’re not into sports, you shouldn’t pretend to be. Instead, use your ignorance on the subject to get him to warm up.
You: I don’t get the whole basketball thing. I much prefer to watch underwater basket weaving. Care to give me a few pointers?
Him: Uh, yea! Absolutely!
Nothing flatters a man more than having the opportunity to teach a woman something.
11. Show your smarts
(Re)learning how to flirt doesn’t have to be all physical. Your brain is a prime tool, too.
Don’t be afraid to show a guy how smart you are. While coming off as a know-it-all is overkill, you can get a guy’s attention by talking animatedly about subjects you know well. Whether that’s literature, current events, or pop culture, you can find ways to engage him in a conversation.
Just pay attention to his response.
If he’s clueless on the subject, his ego may not let him tell you so, and he may shut down mentally if you continue to wax on about, for example, 18th-century literature.
But if he engages back, you’ve got the opportunity to have great dialogue.
12. Be the forward one
There is absolutely no rule that says you have to wait for the man to buy you a drink, ask for your number, or ask you out on a date.
You’re an independent, modern woman, and if you want to do any of those things, you have it within your power to do so!
Do pay attention to the vibe you’re getting from him. If you’re confident that he’s into you, then make a move. If he’s shooting you flirty looks across the bar, send a drink his way, old school style.
If you’ve been chatting for 20 minutes and you’re sure he’s single (and straight), ask if he’d like to get coffee sometime. Coffee is safe enough that if he just wants to be friends, he won’t be offended, and you can always play it off if he responds, “Sorry, my wife wouldn’t like that.”
And if you’re looking for extra help and support when it comes to all things flirting and dating, why not try working with a coach?
How to flirt with a guy over text or messenger apps
If you want to know how to flirt with a guy through text or dating apps, this section is for you.
1. Comment on his photos
For those ladies who are dabbling in the world of online dating, your text flirting game must be legit. That all-important first message will either get him to respond or move on to the next profile.
With your first message, comment on his profile or photos.
You’re adorable feeding that elephant! Where were you?
I thought I was the only person on the planet who still loves Beastie Boys! What’s your fave song?
It looks like you’re a dog person—tell me it’s true and that you would NEVER EVER live with a cat?
2. Take the initiative
If the guy in question is someone you already know in person and are connected with on social media, instead of liking his photos and hoping he’ll get the message (he won’t), why not send him a DM?
Use what he posts about as inspiration for your message. For example, if he’s constantly posting pictures of meals he’s cooked, message him saying, “wow, I would love to be eating round your house—your food looks delish!”
3. Ask engaging, open-ended questions
The way to get a text conversation going is to make sure you’re asking interesting questions that cannot be answered with a simple yes or no.
The secret of how to flirt with a guy over text is to focus on building emotional attraction, and the best way to do this is to ask questions that help you open up to each other and build intimacy.
Ask him about his passions and dreams. Share your biggest fears. Talk about how you want your lives to unfold or where you picture yourselves in the future. Don’t go too deep too quickly, but throw in a profound question or two to help strengthen your connection.
If you need some help with ideas, check out this article for questions to build a deeper connection in a new relationship.
4. Mirror his texting patterns
The only rule when it comes to texting frequency and content is to let him take the lead and follow his texting style—at least while you’re still in the flirting stage with a guy.
That means if he’s sending you one-word or one-sentence texts, don’t send him essays. If he waits a few days to text you back, wait a few days to text him (and question whether you even want to text him still).
NEVER send more than two texts in a row if you haven’t had a reply from him. And if he never texts you back, it’s his loss, not yours.
Shout NEXT and move on.
5. Flirt with a guy by sending a picture text
Images are more engaging than words and allow you to say a lot without you saying anything at all.
Next time you’re out for a run, snap a picture of the miles you clocked.
If you want to send a goofy reply to something he says, pick the perfect meme.
When your dog looks super cute asleep on the floor, send him a photo and let him share the moment with you.
Send a picture of an upcoming gig or movie, and ask him if he wants to go.
Text him a picture of you hanging out with friends at the beach, and ask him if he wants to join you.
And when it comes to those racier, sexy pictures, I’d recommend saving them for a little later down the line!
6. It’s all in the subtle details
If you want to know how to flirt with a guy over text, it’s all about being suggestive and flirting without him fully knowing if you are intentionally flirting with him or not. Men love mystery, which is why this is so effective.
Here are some flirty text ideas:
Next time you take a while to reply to him, say, “sorry, I just got out the shower.”
If you’re watching a scary movie, say, “I wish you were here to hold my hand.”
When he makes you smile, say, “I literally just snorted out loud, and one woman just gave me the strangest look!”
7. End the conversation first
When you’ve just met a new guy, and the spark is there, it’s natural to want to spend all your time with them. But resist this urge.
Don’t talk yourself out over text before you wrap things up. End the conversation with a guy when it still feels flirty, exciting, and alive. This will leave you both feeling great about each other and wanting to reconnect again very soon.
Keep your options open, and don’t give him too much of you too soon. Leave him (and yourself) hungry for more.
8. Arrange to meet up in person
Flirting over text is great, but it’s essential to set a time limit on how long you stay in the texting phase before you meet up face to face.
So, how do you speed up the process when he doesn’t seem to be in a rush?
Drop hints like how you cannot wait to meet his dog, or how you would love him to cook for you, or there’s this incredible art exhibition that you are dying to see.
And if he’s still not getting it after a while, don’t be afraid to suggest a date. Keep things casual with a cup of coffee. If he declines, remember not to take it personally. Tell him that’s no problem, and then leave the ball in his court as to whether the conversation continues or not.
What if you’ve been flirting with the same guy for a while?
Have you been flirting with this guy for what seems like FOREVER, and you don’t know if it’s you or it’s him, but he’s just not getting it?
Like, WHY hasn’t he asked me out already, Adam?!!
My advice is to pull back.
Let him make the next move and reach out to you.
I don’t know this guy. He might be shy. He might also be afraid of rejection and think you’re out of his league. Or he might have a girlfriend already. Or he might be stringing you along.
Either way, don’t give him anything more if you’re not getting anything back.
Continue meeting new guys and practicing your flirting game. If he’s interested, he’ll do something about it.
FYI: Here are 9 Flirting Mistakes to Avoid
I don’t particularly like to focus much on the what not to dos, so here’s a simple list of don’ts that are super easy to remember next time you find yourself mid-flirt.
- Overdoing it
- Underdoing it (it’s a fine line)
- Flirting when he’s clearly not interested
- Chasing him
- Using cheesy pickup lines (we don’t like them any more than you ladies do)
- Using sex to flirt
- Sending a naked photo (too early)
- Flirting when drunk (it never ends well)
- Playing games (don’t do that, it’s not fair)
And that’s everything you need to know to flirt with a guy
There you have it—my top flirting tips to help you get a guy’s attention (the right way) and have fun in the process.
Flirting is highly customizable. If you’re super funny, that might be your M.O. when it comes to how to flirt. Or if you find that touching a guy in the right way gets you results, by all means, use that to score phone numbers.
No matter how you flirt, keep in mind your end goal: finding a guy that’s right for you, who you can build a relationship with. That will take time, and not every guy you flirt with will end up on the list of potential guys. So keep at it, and trust that you will find the one you’re looking for.
I’d love to know what do you need help with most when it comes to flirting with a guy? Let me know in the comments below.
Dating someone who’s naturally flirtatious can trigger feelings of jealousy and insecurity. But flirting is so subjective that it can be tough to define and draw boundaries. Do you consider smiling and complimenting strangers flirting? Or does flirting usually involve touching and being sexually suggestive to friends, coworkers, or acquaintances? The boundaries around flirting outside of a monogamous relationship need to be discussed and decided by the people in the relationship, because some may see their partner’s kindness and charm as flirtation, whereas others may be totally fine with that stuff. Setting standards around flirting and communicating on the subject… Read more »
You are doing men a huge disservice. So if a woman uses one of your techniques, he “has” to be interested or he must be gay? Really??? I am so tired of women (and apparently you) thinking that all men everywhere must be interested in them just because they’re female. Men are not sex objects. You can not manipulate our attraction; at least you can’t with a strong man. Just be honest and quit playing games. And learn to pull up your big girl panties and deal with it when we aren’t interested. Try to have something going for you… Read more »
no one said that dude
This guy here is upset coz he’s probably guilty being one of those ‘unserious’ men and afraid he might lose girls after knowing hise strategies ✌️
I don’t understand your criticism at all, or anything you’ve written. Your spelling, grammar and punctuation are horrible. So, how do illiterates do with the ladies these days?
About as good as the assholes (such as yourself) do.
No, fuh-real, “Kat”, that guy was FLAT. OUT. Illiterate. If he can’t muster up a coherent “argument”, or say, “insult”, I think we can all agree that his efforts were a failure on ALL fronts. I think you’d tend to agree in the “real world”….
There is this guy that I started to like. The problem is I don’t know how to flirt and I am too direct no matter how much i try. My guy friend says I need to pretend to be weak and act more feminine but I can’t do it. I messed up some trying to text this guy I like and my friend made it worse by saying I was out drinking with a friend. And I haven’t heard from him. I’m sad because he seemed really nice and I don’t know what to do. I can’t help it that… Read more »
Amber — remember: WHERE THERE IS A WILL, THERE IS A WAY. So, you’re perhaps a little “extra serious”? Practice your over-the-top “EXTRA-EXTRA-serious” eye contact move in the mirror. A lot. But don’t let it stress you out… if that happens, take a break. If you pull the EXTRA-EXTRA-serious eye contact move, it will have the near universal effect of communicating -humor- towards your dream-hunk. Any male moron at the local watering hole (or say, place of employment if that’s your thing, you naughty, raunchy creature, you —) should INSTANTLY recognize this “communication”, and the absolutely CLUELESS male object will… Read more »
Its wild how one of the DOs is to touch the guy. It is seen as incredibly inappropriate and borderline sexual assault for a guy to touch a female (even if its in the ‘flirty’ way the author describes above). Also one of the DOs is to compliment him and flirt with others often. Isn’t this the stuff women hate?? I hear all the time how women hate when they get complimented by guys all the time. They also constantly complain about having to go out into public and deal with a constant barrage of male attention. YET you are… Read more »
As a man myself, i agree with your opinion
Why is everyone so sensitive? I’m not a huge fan of physical contact with anyone that I don’t know, but it’s not the end of the world. Why instill a victim complex into anyone because someone touched their arm? That’s silly. I’m a woman who is trying to raise two boys and it’s nerve racking because they should be able to harmlessly flirt without risking spending the rest of their lives profiled in a sex offender database. Anyone who deems an arm touch as ‘sexual harassment’ needs treatment because that’s screwed up.
Yes, “what she said”. The “he touched my arm, so I’m going to sue every last dollar out of him” concept is PURELY myth. If a lady doesn’t respond well to a SIMPLE touch, then you SIMPLY move on! From what I’ve seen, the vaaaast majority of women DO respond well to physical touch — it just has to be the RIGHT TYPE of touch, in the RIGHT PLACE, and of course at the RIGHT TIME. You don’t put the hand in the small of her back at her grandma’s funeral… and if she responds well to that, run for… Read more »
Sweetie, don’t worry about your little boys too badly. By the time they’re getting ready to whet their whistles, so to speak, societal norms will have changed in a major way.
And, DO NOT neglect your power as a MOM to actually
-teach- these young men about what IS and IS NOT “appropriate touch” for a first date (you know, from the perspective of a sexual but self-respecting woman) — your boys will probably never thank you for THIS specifically, but they will UNDOUBTEDLY have a leg up against other clueless touchy-touchy (or sheerly fearful) guys out there!
Angela – touching is out. No one should ever grope anyone, but even innocent touching is too dangerous for a man. And you know why. It’s true that not all women are hyper-sensitive (or more likely just looking for a reason to accuse a man), but we can’t tell you apart. So no touching, no approaching, no conversations, no dates, no relationships. Welcome to the new world. For men it’s actually kind of nice; cutting women out of our lives is very freeing. I don’t miss the drama at all.
Yeah, as a woman I agree; touching someone requires you to invade their personal space and boundaries. That’s a no-no with a stranger, regardless of gender. I would say trying any flirting technique that involves touching the other person should be done when/if you’re on a date with that person, and it’s going well at that point (ie the person seems to be receptive to your flirting).
EXACTLY, Lex! We aren’t all planning on “picking up” total strangers here! The whole idea is that the gent & the lady have built steady RAPPORT before one (or both, hehe) of them make the decision to initiate contact.
And when that contact becomes a light, super-flirtatious-bordering-on-erection-inducing touch, the two of you should ideally know each others’ names quite well and firmly at this stage.
i know right? all these tips for women are “lay your hands on him” . this is why there are the guys who talk ill of some womenfolk. guides like on the girlygirl rags. if a guide for picking up women says “stare at her, stalk her, touch her, get all up in her busniess” there’ll be hell to pay
Im inspired. thank you for inputting this great wisdom on my love life. Blessings to you and your kin. I am current 43 and devorced 3 times with 6 kids. help
You can’t be real!
I’m sore for your loss put right now are you dating?
This guy here is upset coz he’s probably guilty being one of those ‘unserious’ men and afraid he might lose girls after knowing hise strategies ✌️
If a woman is constantly harassed by guys she finds unattractive (or creepy) she may find being complimented inappropriate, otherwise NO woman has an aversion to being complimented. It’s a fallacy to believe we dislike male attention. We love it, if shown appropriately and with respect. The key here is being self aware and authentic. If you are sensing discomfort, then back off, apologise… Acknowledge you are new to this, nervous (or whatever). Also touching, especially if lightly on the hand, arm or shoulder, even the small of back is totally acceptable if the vibe is right. Being attuned to… Read more »
THIS COMMENT. YEAAAAH.
Most guys have some level of shyness when it comes to approaching women. Fear of rejection is a powerful emotion, it’s important to learn to overcome it. If you approach a woman in a polite and respectful way, there’s not much chance of an outright rejection. You’ve just got to build up a bit of courage and go for it.
Am excited to meet you.am a shy lady. Thanks
the one sentence which has made my day “Are your feet tired? Because you’ve been running through my mind all night!” honestly speaking that a good one .Thank you for the info though.
I have a boyfriend, and im trying to open up his flirty side. He has one, ive seen it. Buuuuuuuuut… both of us are very socially awkward. Any tips from those who are socially awkward who have had success with the flirty thing?
I fell in love with a guy who loves anime. I do not know anything about anime and I feel like I can not talk to him anymore. Please help!