11 Signs He Doesn’t Want a Relationship With You (NEXT!)
If you’re looking up signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you…I’m pretty sure you’ve already identified a few red flags with the guy you’re dating.
Am I right?
Spend your life chasing men who don’t want a relationship with you…
..and I promise you, you will spend your life as that weird cat lady down the street who no one talks to.
Don’t be that cat lady.
I created this video and article to show you a few of the signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you so that you can ditch this guy and make yourself available to the guys who do!
You’ve gone out with this guy a few times. Maybe you’ve even slept with him. And while you’re starting to plan for him to meet your friends or even take a couple’s vacation in a few months, you’re not getting the sense that he’s on board with planning a future with you.
If this isn’t the first time you’ve been in this situation, dating a man who clearly doesn’t want a relationship with you, it’s time to break it down and figure out why you keep being drawn to these men.
1. He’s Hot and Cold with His Communication
You keep in touch about once a week, on average, but probably not every day. For the most part, the two of you text, and maybe you’ve had a phone call or two, but he’s made it clear he’s not a phone guy.
In one study I found of guys who have “back burners,” that is, a relationship prospect that a man will let simmer on the metaphorical back burner in case he wants her down the road, showed that 49% of these guys communicate with at least one of their back burners at least once per week, but only 7% communicated with a back burner every day.
So take a moment to consider who else he might be texting when you don’t hear from him for days. Most people — men and women — like interacting with a romantic interest, so if he’s not that keen to communicate, it may be because he doesn’t want a relationship with you.
2. He’s Still Got Something Going on with a Past Relationship
We’ve all had past relationships that keep coming back. Maybe you broke up then tried to work things out. Maybe your ex pursued you months after you split.
But consider that the guy you’re dating has exes too…and it’s entirely possible that he’s got a not-quite-over situation with a past girlfriend.
If he tells you that he’s “just friends” with his ex…but he’s really not investing in a relationship with you, likely he’s still hung up on his ex, and doesn’t want a relationship with you. Know that there’s nothing you can do to make him get over his ex, so move on.
3. He’s Constantly Leaving You Hanging
I had a dating coaching client years ago who was so into a guy. Let’s call him Jake. She told me that when they were together, it was magical. There was fantastic chemistry. But then they would make plans…and he’d bail at the last minute.
He constantly left her hanging.
Does this sound familiar? Unfortunately, this is one of the signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you.
If he blows you off by not returning your calls and text messages or waits days after you reach out…
If he cancels plans at the last minute…
If one minute he’s intensely into you and the next he’s distant…
Then he’s not interested in you enough to be respectful of your time and energy. If he’s acting like this now, imagine what this guy will be like as a husband or a father. Um, no. This isn’t the right match for you.
A man who is interested in you wants to build the relationship, and communication and respect are a major part of that. A man who cancels plans again and again doesn’t respect you. A man who can’t respond to your texts or calls in a timely manner isn’t invested in you.
4. You Are a Ghost to His Friends and Family
You don’t exist…at least in the eyes of his friends or family.
They may not even know you exist.
Pay attention: does he mention that he was talking to his mom about you? No?
Does he ever invite you to hang out with his friends? No?
Everyone knows that the moment a guy introduces you to his family, you are officially his girlfriend. He knows this too. That’s why he’s not doing it!
If he doesn’t involve you with others in his life, then that reflects on how little he is actually involved with you. If after three months, he’s not bringing you to meet any friends or family, it’s a sign that your relationship is not moving in the right direction. He’s interested in spending time with you…or at least, having sex with you, but he’s not willing to incorporate you into his real life.
5. His Heart Feels Completely Closed to You
Throughout our lives, our hearts open and close, depending on where we are emotionally. Women may be more open to finding love than men. Men, I’ve found through my coaching experience, may be more closed off (even if they meet a fantastic woman) to finding love.
If a guy is into you, he will be open with you. Part of being open is communicating with you and opening up about his life and past experiences.
He may not necessarily tell you when he took his first steps or who he had a crush on in middle school, but the right guy will share information that is more real. Who he had his heart broken by. What his relationship with his family is.
A man who values you and wants to open his heart to you will do that. There’s no sense in trying to change a guy who clearly is unable to give you his heart. Because: you can never change a man!
It’s natural that a man might go slow in opening up to you at the start of a relationship, but pay attention: when you open up to him, does he reciprocate or clam up? Is he slowly opening up over time, or keeping just as closed off? If he’s not opening even an inch, chances are that he doesn’t want a relationship with you.
6. He Still Has Things to Do
Men are funny when compared to women. They tend to have a long list of personal accomplishments they want to achieve before they settle down in a romantic relationship. Whether that list includes moving up the corporate ladder, paying off debt, or buying a house, he may insist that he’s not ready to settle down as a result.
Is this bullsh#%?
Probably not. Men are just built differently than women: they tend to compartmentalize different parts of their lives. Even if a man starts to have feelings for you, if the possibility of a relationship interferes with other aspects of his life and goals, he can shut off those feelings and focus on what’s priority for him.
You can’t change a man’s mind about the importance of those goals compared to a potential relationship with you, so don’t even try.
7. Beyond Sex, He’s Really Not Spending Time With You
“But Adam, I’m really into sex too. What’s the big deal if we do it all the time?”
While certainly, sex is a part of a healthy relationship, it shouldn’t make up the bulk of it. Think to the last five times you’ve seen the guy you’re dating. Did you actually go out…or did he text late at night, wanting to come over? It’s fine every once in a while, but a man who isn’t afraid of commitment will want to spend time with you outside of the bedroom.
You are more than your body. If he’s not interested in getting to know what’s going on in your brain, then he’s not worth your time.
8. You’re The One Putting Out All the Effort
From the time you picked up a slice of his favorite cake to make him smile to the fact that you always initiate text conversations with this man, you’re starting to realize that you’re doing all the work. While he might reply to your text (when he gets around to it), he’s not reciprocating the effort you’re investing in him.
A man who wants a relationship with you will bend over backward to make you happy. He will think of you throughout his day and find ways to let you know you’re on his mind. A man who doesn’t want a relationship with you will take, take, take, and never give.
You want a two-way relationship, right? You want a man who will give without needing you to give back (but who you’ll want to give to). This isn’t that guy.
9. He Doesn’t Want to “Put a Label on It”
I know a woman who has dated the same guy off and on for over a year. They split up when he says that he’s uncomfortable putting a label on what they are.
What the heck?
This man isn’t 18, when, sure, he might not be ready to be a boyfriend. This man is in his 50s! By this age, being labeled “boyfriend” shouldn’t freak a guy out if he really likes you.
To me, this is just his way of stringing you along. He can date other people if he’s not technically your boyfriend. He doesn’t have to actually break up with you when he gets bored if he’s not your boyfriend. And he still gets all the perks of your company and having sex with you.
But, my dear…
What do you get out of it? Nothing but frustration. Ditch this dude.
10. He Just Doesn’t Feel The Same
Don’t get me wrong: this guy likes you…he just doesn’t like-you like you. He thinks you’re fun to hang around, but for whatever reason, he’s not as enamored with you as you are him.
It happens. When you think about the likelihood of having romantic chemistry on both sides, you realize how rare it really is. Sure, one guy, you’re attracted to physically, but you have nothing in common with him. Another guy might light you up intellectually, but you can’t find a spark of physical attraction. The same thing goes for his feelings toward you. He might even have expressed that he’s interested in a long-term relationship, but if he can’t find that spark, it won’t happen between you two.
It may not be that he doesn’t want a relationship with you, but that he simply can’t force one, and you should respect him for not trying to.
11. He Just Got Out of a Serious Relationship
If you’re on dating apps, you’ll find the gamut of men. Some are looking for their next wife, while others are looking for their next good time. But read the clues, because often a man will put them out there in his bio. If he says he just got out of a serious relationship, realize the likelihood that he will be ready for another relationship is very very slim.
You don’t know what kind of baggage he’s carrying from that experience. Heartbreak? Divorce? Joint custody of kids? Anger? Debt? All of these are unappealing when you’re starting to date a man you hope has long-term potential. And even if he swears he’s ready for a relationship, do you really want a man who can’t be alone?
Conclusion: He Doesn’t Want a Relationship With You
By now you realize that these signs that he doesn’t want a relationship with you are flashing big and red in your dating life. Am I right?
The key is what you do now that you’ve realized there’s no long-term potential with this man. You might be tempted to keep dating him since you enjoy his company. You could do that, but I want you to be aware that you’re settling for a Good Enough relationship. And I never, ever want you to settle in your life.
It takes bravery to stop dating a man because you know there’s no future down the road, but look at it like this: if you don’t end things now, you will start to care for him more and more, and you’ll convince yourself that he can change and be boyfriend material. From here, at this moment, you know that’s not true.
So get out while it’s easier than it will be down the road.
Leave a comment below: have you ever dated a guy who clearly didn’t want a relationship with you? How’d it work out? How long did it take you to figure it out?
My true passion in life is transforming your love life by giving you specific tools and techniques that you can use to attract long lasting love. I got started when...Read Adam's Story