5 Things You Can’t Change in Any Man
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Many of the biggest frustrations you will ever experience in a relationship come from trying to change certain things about the man you’re with.
I’m not talking about little things like forgetting to put the toilet seat down either…
Some things you just have to accept.
And if you can’t accept them…
… it maybe time to pull the plug on the relationship.
Check out this short video where I break down 5 things you can’t change in a man… (so don’t even try)
It doesn’t matter how many psychology books you read, there are some behaviors that are immune to a Pavlovian response.
When you accept certain things as being static in your relationship, it will provide clarity around how to proceed.
Keep your eyes open, because some of these are HUGE red flags and deal breakers for a lot of women.
Your Coach,
Adam
P.S. One thing you should never accept is a causal relationship when you’re looking for commitment.
Summary –
1. The wandering eye.
A study by Denver University found that if someone cheats once, then it is three times more likely that they will cheat again as compared to someone who has never cheated. Cheat on me once; shame on you… cheat on me twice; shame on me.
2. His temperament.
Maybe you’re with a guy who is super anxious… or maybe he’s lazy, or a bit loud. These are the types of things that you can’t change in a person. If you don’t enjoy these things about him, then stop trying to change them. Move on and find someone new.
3. His abusive or controlling nature.
If he’s emotionally or physically abusive you need to leave now! He can’t change. He may try, but the risk is too great.
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Move on before it leads to emotional damage or even physical damage. You need to leave and if you need help then go to The National Domestic Violence Hotline. They are going to help you get out of the relationship and find a healthy place for yourself.
4. His thoughts on marriage and children.
Unfortunately if he doesn’t want to have kids and you do, then you’re just not compatible. Don’t waste your time trying to change a man who has different values. Have the courage and discipline to move on and find a man that fits your lifestyle and goals.
5. His family and upbringing.
Are you dating a mama’s boy? Does his sister drive you crazy? Your man’s family is not something you can choose. At the end of the day, you need to accept them.
Although the past five points are not things that you can change in a man, I do think it’s possible to change other things. But to do this he must be open minded to improvement. A woman can’t change a man because she loves him, but a man can change himself because he loves her.
I recently got out of relationship with a guy that had 4 of the 5 red flags you mentioned above. He was emotionally cheating on me, deeply depressed, emotionally manipulative/abusive, and had the most screwed up family/upbringing I’d ever seen. It wasn’t until I found out about the cheating that I could officially call it quits. While I wasn’t trying to change him (I was simply trying to accept those aspects of him), I should have recognized that I didn’t want to have to deal with all his garbage long term. Red flags are a warning that you’ve just found… Read more »
I’m glad you had the discipline to move on. You were thinking long term, and I’m proud of you. Now keep getting out there until you find the right man for you.
Good morning, I am really feeling so disrespected, & I knw better.IMe not fm. This State. Dec.28, will B 1 yr. EMOTIONALLY CHEATS, Instagram liking pic.(DOESNT NO I HAVE ACCT)FACT seeing other Women. COWARDLY denying it. day2 of meeting I say we R grown we can have some fun but I’m not going 2come sec 2 other women”he say I don’t hav aGIRLFR” etc. Last Nite I asked him 2 show me something N his ph. So I wouldn’t be upset about him NOT answering Me. I need2 stop Overthinkin & Chill just believe what he say ‘he’s Wking’ emotionally… Read more »
Huh?
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I’ve recently separated from my husband & have subscribed to several email sources for dating/relationship advice. As I “tune into” myself and what want (& what my expectations for relationships should be), I find that your advice is most applicable out of the multiple subscriptions. You really synthesize a TON of information into manageable nuggets of wisdom.
On the topic of marriage and children.
If a man absolutely doesn’t want children and the girl gets pregnant on purpose to trap him. Can his feelings change or will he just resent the situation? I ask because this happened to my friend. He doesn’t talk about the child or the mom and never posts pictures of any of them together or apart.
Just like you, I would very much like to know the answer to the question you asked, for me. I am 45 years old and look forward to have children and marry. I dated a man for almost a year, and he wasn´t deciding nothing about our life. We had no plans for the future together, and when the situation went like that for months I asked myself, several times, if a child would be the answer. I must confess feeling selfish and sad with myself, every child deserves to be wanted by both parents, but I see so many… Read more »
Another good video! Thank you for the bonus on actions that a man does change. My guy is gentle, strong, open minded. He enjoys seeing me light up. Ex. When I told him how much I enjoy his company over breakfast, he joined me, even tho we have different schedules and he could have slept for another hour. His company made me feel so good that now we get up 2 hours earlier so we’ve an hour for morning sex! On change, I’ve learned that character is a constant. If someone has been dishonest or cruel to others, eventually they’ll… Read more »
I really enjoyed this.. thank you
Thank you Adam! So true about everything you mentioned! I had been in relationship on and off for 6 years… Last time I told him that we need a lot of mandatory changes to keep our relationship. He said Ok and I realized – nothing is going to be changed from his side. The same set of words as always. I would like to add if I may – boring man never changed, lazy, who doesn’t grow, no goals in life, who constantly telling you about your problems and can not see or don’t want to see problems with him… Read more »
Every single point in this video is true! Experienced 2 of the 5. Stopped forcing a change = weight off my shoulders, healthier relationship. A confirmation that you’re on the right path is a relief as well. Thank you, Adam!
Thank you, very practical advice and good to hear it spelled out for us. Have I ever tried to change a guy? I’d say yes, not because I was controlling but because it would help him function in the world better. Things like dominating the conversation to the point of chasing people away, not caring about his appearance, controlling everything around him, annoying people on purpose and thinking it was funny. Other people would come to me and ask me to talk to him, so those were the kinds of reasons I tried to change him. They bugged me too… Read more »