13 Phenomenal Tips On Finding Your Soulmate For Smart Women

finding your soulmate

If you’re like women in every country, at every age, you have spent at least part of your life dedicated to finding your soulmate.

And maybe so far, you’ve only kissed frogs and are still looking for Prince Charming. Maybe you’re even giving up hope that you’ll ever find him, or that soulmates even exist.

I’m here to tell you not to give up. Finding your soulmate doesn’t happen on a timeline. There’s no law that says you’ll find him by the time you turn 25…or 45…or 65. But if you’re not open to finding him…you won’t!

What Is a True Soulmate?

woman in love

Finding your soulmate is like finding your missing puzzle piece.

Everyone’s got a different definition of what a soulmate is. Some people don’t even believe in them, but I do.

There’s a beautiful story that when you die, your soul shatters into pieces. When you are reincarnated, your soulmate has a sliver of your soul.

But without getting cheesy, to me, a soulmate is someone who just…fits. You don’t have to work hard to be happy together. Things just flow. You feel like you already know them the second you meet.

I’m not saying everything is perfect 100% of the time with a soulmate, but if you compare this soulmate relationship to past relationships, you see nothing ever came close. Finding your soulmate is one of those things: hard to explain, but once it happens, you just know.

13 Tips To Help in Finding Your Soulmate

Imagine jumping off of the dating train. Imagine finding a man who makes you happy the second you wake up every single day. Wouldn’t you do whatever you could to find your soulmate if you knew that your life would forever be changed for the better?

Finding your soulmate isn’t a passive activity. It does require you to put the work in. Here are a few of the things you can do to find that one true love.

1. Allow Yourself to Fall
2. Be Confident That You’ll Find Him
3. Put Yourself First
4. Let Your Confidence Shine
5. Define What You Desire Most In Your Soulmate
6. Align Your Actions With Your Desires
7. Frame Your Desires As If They’ve Already Happened
8. Trust Your Gut
9. Don’t Underestimate Chemistry
10. Be Your Authentic Self To Find Your True Soulmate
11. Be Open Minded
12. Work On Improving Yourself
13. Do Not Quit Looking

1. Allow Yourself to Fall


In my many years of coaching women on finding love, I’ve met my fair share of women who, while they say they’re open to finding their soulmate, are actually closed off to it.

Usually, these women have been terribly hurt in past relationships and have put up a wall around their hearts in an effort to prevent getting hurt again.

If this is you, realize that you can’t say you are working on finding your soulmate if, deep down, you are too afraid to be open to falling in love. I know it’s scary, especially if you’ve been hurt, to just trust that you are on the right path and that this man won’t hurt you. But when you open yourself up, amazing things happen.

And P.S. a soulmate won’t hurt you. That’s part of the deal!

2. Be Confident That You’ll Find Him

Another common problem I’ve seen with women I’ve coached is that they say, “Adam, there are no good guys. Believe me! I’ve looked all my life. I’ll never find my soulmate.”

I’m a big believer that you get what you put out there. So if you say you’re never finding your soulmate, guess what?? You probably aren’t.

Instead, even if you’re frustrated with the search, believe that he’s out there. Like I said, there’s no timeline for when you’ll meet your soulmate, so how can you get frustrated if it isn’t meant to happen right now?

Fake it ’til you feel it. Block out the negative voice that says he’s not out there and replace it with one that says, “every day I’m closer and closer to finding my soulmate.”

3. Put Yourself First

self care

Taking care of yourself makes you more attractive.

It might seem strange advice when you’re working on finding your soulmate, but the person you need to focus on first is yourself. You need to be happy and emotionally balanced to attract your perfect match, and if you’re constantly putting others before you or just not taking care of yourself, how can you expect to be appealing to someone else?

A woman who takes care of herself is incredibly sexy. Whether you take time every week to do yoga or go to salsa lessons, whether you get regular massages or meditate, or whether you simply lead a full life filled with friends and activities, you are finding happiness in your world without tying it to finding your soulmate. When you’re happy on your own, that’s when he’ll come along!

4. Let Your Confidence Shine

I talk a ton about confidence on this site, so of course, it’s going to come up! Your confidence shines like a beacon for your soulmate to find. Consider which of the two following women would be more appealing to a potential soulmate:

Gertrude is a shy wallflower and is uncomfortable with attention. She hides behind her hair and is painfully shy.

Imogene is always smiling, even at strangers. She walks with purpose and isn’t afraid to talk to anyone.

Just like I suggested in #2, you might need to fake your confidence first until you feel it if it doesn’t come naturally. Spend today smiling at strangers, maybe striking up a few conversations, and watch your posture. Be tall and proud! See how you feel at the end of the day. Tomorrow, repeat!

5. Define What You Desire Most In Your Soulmate

Have you given much thought to what you want in a partner? How can you be successful at finding your soulmate if you don’t know what you’re looking for?

I suggest you make a list of the qualities you want in a partner so that you can identify it when you find a man who has all (or most) of these qualities. Likewise, if a man has none of them, this can help you realize that he’s probably not the one for you.

By putting it out there, all those things you want in a soulmate, it’s like putting out an announcement that attracts that soulmate to you!

6. Align Your Actions With Your Desires

Finding your soulmate is by no means a passive activity. You’ve got to do your part to find him. That means doing things you might not otherwise do (like dressing up and attending your cousin’s costume party) and trying new activities (disc golf, anyone?). It means being open every day to the possibility of meeting him.

If you want to meet a man from another culture, spend time at events that celebrate that culture…or travel! If you want an active, fit man, be that yourself. When you align your actions with your desires, you accelerate the plan of finding your soulmate.

7. Frame Your Desires As If They’ve Already Happened

Here’s another easy trick to finding your soulmate. Rather than thinking of it in terms of a future occurrence, pretend that it’s already happened. Sounds a bit odd, I know. But when you think from a place of abundance and having, the Universe says, “oops. I haven’t given her that soulmate she thinks she has. I better get on it!”

So instead of thinking, “I want,” shift it to “I have.”

“I have an amazing soulmate who loves me unconditionally.”

“I am with the man of my dreams.”

It may take a little time to get used to this, but it’ll get easier.

8. Trust Your Gut

couple in love

Your gut will tell you whether it’s right or not.

I know that every time you go out with someone new, you’re asking yourself, “is this him? Could this be my soulmate?”

Obviously 99% of the time, it’s not going to be him. But I want you to get more attuned to listening to your intuition because it can keep you from wasting time on the wrong guys. If you find yourself sifting through all his qualities and burying the negative ones under the rug, catch yourself and realize that doing this, you’re trying to make this guy be the right fit for you, even if he isn’t.

What does your gut tell you? Maybe things are red hot in bed but you find the conversation a bit lacking. Your soulmate would be able to fulfill you physically and intellectually, so you know this isn’t him. Start paying attention to that gut to keep from trying to make the wrong man the right one.

9. Don’t Underestimate Chemistry

You have a great time talking. You make each other laugh hysterically.

And the chemistry? Off the charts.

While chemistry isn’t the only indicator of a soulmate, it is a really important part of that connection. So look for it. Feel it. Enjoy it!

10. Be Your Authentic Self To Find Your True Soulmate

The really wonderful thing about finding your soulmate is that you don’t have to be anyone but yourself. This man doesn’t want you thinner, taller, or blonder. He wants you exactly as you are. Being able to let your hair down and be authentic is one of the perks of finding The One!

So start now. If you’ve been trying to be what you think men want, you’re on the wrong path to finding your soulmate. Open up to expressing yourself the way you want, dressing and acting like yourself, and you’ll send out a beacon in the skies to that soulmate!

11. Be Open-Minded

odd couple

Your soulmate may not look the way you expect!

So maybe you have a very long list of attributes you’re looking for in your soulmate journey and you meet a guy who checks very few off the list. You want a white-collar intellectual; this guy is super smart, but more of a pull-up-by-his-bootstraps kind of dude. Or maybe you think your soulmate is close to your age, but this guy is 11 years older.

So, while having a list of what you want is helpful, be willing to go off of that list if there’s an undeniable connection with a man.

And really, what’s more important? That he’s honest and loyal, or that he has black hair and an accent? Focus on the intrinsic values that will hold over time, not the physical.

12. Work On Improving Yourself

We all have room for self-improvement; none of us is exempt. While you’re working on finding your soulmate, invest some time and energy into improving yourself.

Look back at your past few relationships and seek out patterns that you had issues with. Maybe you were jealous? Started arguments? Whatever the thing that caused problems in past relationships that you can take responsibility for, these are the areas you want to clean up before inviting a soulmate into your life.

It can be challenging to see our own flaws, but holding a mirror up can make us better partners and people. If jealousy was an issue, get to the root of it. Maybe a past partner cheated, and now you’re constantly worried about it happening again. You have to learn to let that past wrong go and realize that future partners aren’t going to hurt you in that same way.

13. Do Not Quit Looking

Like I said at the start: there’s no timeline for finding your soulmate. It can take patience. You will want to fit the wrong person into that space, but you’ll always regret it.

The concept of a soulmate indicates that there is one right man for you. Using the analogy of a needle in a haystack, you can see that it will take some effort to find him! Don’t give up. He’s out there.


Realize that the hunt for your soulmate is finite. One day (hopefully soon) you’ll have met him, and your life will have changed for the better. You’ll laugh at how stressed you once were trying to find him.

Look at this time before you find him as special. You may be single or dating and meeting lots of people. Appreciate it rather than trying to rush through it. There’s experience to be had in what you’re living right now, and it will only enhance your love life once you find him.

Are you committed to finding your soulmate? Share your excitement in the comments below.

It never hurts to have a little help finding your soulmate. Sign up for my Attract the One Academy today to rocket launch your journey!


Adam LoDolce

Love Strategist

My true passion in life is transforming your love life by giving you specific tools and techniques that you can use to attract long lasting love. I got started when...Read Adam's Story

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2 years ago

I have found my “soulmate” and it took me over 20 years to find him. It happened unexpectedly AND when I wasn’t looking for him!!

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