What Does it Mean When a Guy Ignores You (+ What You Should DO)
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Things have been good with the guy you’re dating. You’ve got chemistry. Conversations flow. Then one day, he doesn’t text you for 24 hours. WTF? What does it mean when a guy ignores you like that?
Did you misread the signs? Was he not really into you?
Feeling ignored has always sucked throughout human history.
Back when we were living in tribes, if a guy was ignoring you, he might be out hunting with his buddies.
Cavewoman You: UGG! I just made Smerg’s favorite Pterodactyl soup and he totally dissed me!!
Fifty years ago, he might just not pick up the (corded) phone when you called.
1960s You: Hmm. He must be at Woodstock. Guess I’ll find my free love somewhere else…
But now, when a guy ignores you, you know for a fact that he’s read every one of your 12 text messages…and he’s just not responding.
This makes steam pour out of your ears!
Understandable. It’s just common courtesy to respond to a text, even if he’s not into you. But is that the case? Does he not like you? Is he playing games? Is he out with another woman? What does it mean when a guy ignores you??
As your coach, I take the role of letting you into the male mind very seriously. But be warned: it’s not always a pretty sight. Men do dumb things, especially with women they’re attracted to. Sometimes you overthink what they’re thinking. Either way, I’m going to help you figure out what’s on his mind when he ignores you, and what you should do about it.
Your Coach,
Introduction
Is he ignoring you? Is he ghosting you? Whatever he’s doing, it’s damn confusing. You waste precious time trying to figure out: why do men ignore women?
Let me apologize up front for my species. Men sometimes take the chickenshit route out of a situation that makes them uncomfortable. Or else…they’re absolutely clueless that they’ve offended you. Either way, you deserve to know what it means when a guy ignores you so you can figure out if you should cut bait or give him a chance.
Let’s look at a few scenarios, shall we?
1. What Does It Mean When a Guy Ignores You…to Play the Game?
Look, you know that I’m not a fan of playing games in dating…at least these days. I’ll admit that back when I was single, I did play games. (C’mon. Cut me some slack! I was a kid!)
And as they say: hate the player, not the game.
Sad but true: there’s no more effective way to make a woman want you than to ignore her just a little bit. This guy that you’re into might take several hours to respond to your text…
Or ignore your voicemail…
Leave a question unanswered…
Some guys take this “ignore her so she’ll want you” thing a little too far. If he’s meticulously planning how long he’ll wait until he responds to you, he most definitely is playing games to try to get you to chase him.
If you think that’s what he’s doing, then don’t give in.
What To Do When He Ignores You Like This
Don’t chase him: when you chase him, he’s winning. If this guy thinks the way to your heart is by messing with your head and playing hard to get, he’s got another thing coming. You really don’t want a guy who can’t admit when he’s excited to talk to you by, oh, I dunno, responding to a text sooner??
If you text him and he takes forever, you have two choices: play the game back and take twice as long to respond…
Or move on. If he’s playing games this early in the relationship, he’s probably not suddenly going to be authentic a few months down the road.
2. What Does It Mean When a Guy Ignores You…Because He’s Unsure About You?
You may know exactly how you feel about this man you’re dating, but he may not be as sure, especially if he didn’t plan to get into a serious relationship and you seem to want one. When he ignores you, don’t automatically assume it’s over. He may just need some time to process where he is and what he wants.
Maybe he was playing the field before he met you, happy with a hookup and nothing more. Then you come along, this sexy, confident thing, and suddenly he’s not sure if keeping things casual is all he wants.
So he pulls back.
Men are notorious for pulling away when things get serious. He may be unable to gain real perspective when things are hot and heavy and he is spending all his time with you, so he may make himself unavailable a few days so he can spend time away from you and get his head straight.
What To Do When He Ignores You Like This
This is actually a really good reason to ignore you! It means he’s reflecting on the potential of a relationship with you, which is probably what you want, right?
Give him his space to figure things out. When he’s ready, he’ll come back and/or be willing to talk about where things are headed. Let him steer the ship.
3. What Does It Mean When a Guy Ignores You…to Slow Things Down?
You know the feeling: sometimes when you click with someone, it’s easy to get swept up in the emotion of a new relationship. You may be perfectly willing to let things flow and see where they go, but he might panic if things move too quickly at the start of something new.
If these conversations are happening early in the relationship, yea, he might freak out:
You: So I was thinking we should definitely get a puppy down the road. Maybe two…By the way, what names do you like for our children?
Him: Uhhhhhh…
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He may feel like he’s getting ahead of himself. That you’re getting ahead of yourself. After all, the two of you have only been dating a few weeks. You really don’t know each other that well.
And so he pulls away.
Now, not every guy will do this. Some guys are happy to move quickly when they know it’s right. So when he ignores you because things are moving too quickly, it might be because he’s emotionally immature. He may feel unable to talk to you about his fears about this relationship, and so he starts to do the fadeout.
What To Do When He Ignores You Like This
When he ignores you as a result of things moving too quickly, realize there’s no rush here. If he needs a week or two to get his head straight on what he wants from all this, you’ll both benefit in the long run. You should do the same: slow things down so you have time to catch your breath and figure things out.
Are things as great as they seem, or are you still in the honeymoon phase of the relationship? Science shows that, during this phase, your brain releases endorphins and hormones that can make you so happy to be around this guy. But in reality, you aren’t being yourselves in this phase. You may not have gotten into an argument yet, or shown one another the dark corners of your mind. And so things seem blissfully perfect.
Having some space at this point can help you understand whether you’re simply infatuated, or if there is real potential for this relationship. He can figure out the same.
On the other hand, if you give him a few weeks to think and him pulling away is a persistent problem, it’s time to talk to him about what’s going on. He may have decided this relationship has no future but is reluctant to end it. Or he might be ignoring you for another reason on this list. He owes you the truth.
Whatever the result with this man, keep in mind for future relationships that going slower is better. Take your time to get to know one another and wait until you’re out of that honeymoon phase and you know how you really feel about him before you start talking about the future.
4. What Does It Mean When a Guy Ignores You…Because You Hurt His Feelings?
The male ego can be fragile. One big reason men pull away is that their feelings get hurt by women.
Think back and you can probably figure out what upset him: did you get in a fight the last time you were together?
Maybe you said something off the cuff that hurt him.
Maybe you made him jealous. You may not even think that the “thing” that happened was that big a deal, but if you can think of something that might have upset him and he’s ignoring you, then you’re probably right.
What To Do When He Ignores You Like This
I’m going to give you one simple word to make this better:
Sorry.
Don’t be afraid to apologize. So many relationships would have less friction if both parties were willing to say they were sorry from time to time.
Even if you don’t think you’re in the wrong, consider apologizing anyway. Many people allow their egos to get in the way of an apology, but sometimes saying sorry is the easiest way to just move on from an unfortunate situation and let your partner know that you value his feelings and didn’t mean to upset him.
And know that men want to reconcile differently than women do. In a study led by T. Joel Wade of Bucknell University, researchers discovered that while women wanted an apology after an argument (maybe with a few tears thrown in for good measure), men preferred a kind gesture or…ahem…sexual favors.
So realize that maybe letting those crocodile tears flow with a blubbering I’m so sorry baby! may not be as effective as showing you care in…other ways.
5. What Does It Mean When a Guy Ignores You…Because It’s Over?
I truly think one of the biggest drawbacks of modern dating is that people aren’t always upfront about how they’re feeling…or as upfront about breaking up with someone as they were in the past.
By the way: women are guilty of this too! I hear from men all the time that women aren’t always honest in telling a man they don’t want to see him again.
It’s so much easier for both parties to ignore a text or call, or block someone on a dating app rather than say, you know what? I don’t really feel chemistry with you. I’d like to stay friends though, if you’re game.
How hard is that?
And yet, if you’re on the receiving end of that ghosting, it can hurt and piss you off to no end.
What To Do When He Ignores You Like This
If you get the sense that this is why he’s ignoring you, look at it as a blessing in disguise. In no way do you want to waste time on a man who isn’t emotionally mature enough to be honest with you about his feelings.
And you need to follow the Golden Rule on this one, lady: if you’re not into a guy, have the courage to tell him you don’t see it being a fit. This lets him move on so he can find someone great. I truly believe in dating karma, that what goes around comes around, so make sure you’re acting in a way you want the men you date to act!
Conclusion:
When he ignores you, there can be many reasons. It’s up to you to put on your detective hat and figure out exactly what the situation is. Give it a few days in case he just needs some space.
If, at that point, he’s still AWOL, reach out and ask what’s up. He may or may not be honest with you about what’s going on, so expect that.
If it gets to a point where you can’t take it, nothing good is going to come of him ignoring you. If he needs time to think about what he wants, he’ll tell you. If he is a coward and can’t be honest about it being over, then it’s time to move on.
So what’s your take? What does it mean when a guy ignores you? I’d love to hear your stories in the comments below.
Adam, thanks for that last one. It’s good that you admonish us ladies to be upfront and straightforward too. I know I have been, precisely because I wouldn’t want someone to lead me on or feel like I’m in limbo. Another comment I have is that it can be really confusing when dealing with the first 3 issues (where he’s probably interested) vs. the last issue (in which he’s NOT interested). So we may misread or misinterpret those, and it can be a little intimidating to guys if one just asks for clarification upfront, lol. So should one play coy… Read more »
This really hits home with me. I just went out with a guy for 6 1/2 months. Unfortunately he is my neighbor which makes this even harder for me. The first 3 months were pretty great. He communicated with me that he really really liked me but wasnt ready to pull anyone in, put a label on it or be in a committed relationship, I knew this going in. At the 3 month mark I asked him where he thought this was going because I didnt want to become attached and then have my heart broke. He assured me we… Read more »
He never wanted commitment with you but you were a good woman who helped him with his dying stepmother. As hurtful as it sounds, once she died, he didn’t need you anymore. He used your kindness. Once free of his obligations to his ill stepmother, he was now available to date as he pleased and look for someone that fulfilled his need to feel superior and adequate with – a much younger woman. He does have guilt because he knows you are a good person and was there for him. This is why he is lying about the sleeping arrangements… Read more »
Chris, I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’ve been in a similar situation, where it appears someone used ya to help them get through a difficult time in their life. Trying untangle what was real and what was just them needed emotional support or trying to figure out what’s going on in the mind of someone who’s possibly playing games is stressful. With all due respect though, I wouldn’t listen to Yvonne B. She clearly is speaking from a place of hurt, and it seems that the motivation behind her comment is to at least cause him as… Read more »
Wise words Erick, thank you for sharing them.
hey im frustrated, so i met a man while on holiday we said we would keep in touch when he went back home and would reconnect soon. So anyways the past week and a half he has been blowing hot and cold on me – i feel like im always the one to initiate the conversations but when i do hes really engaged and flirty with me. Im feeling frustrated though as some times he just wont chat or respond to my messages although hes online. What do i do pull back and wait for him to approach – so… Read more »
I’m dating a guy 3 months. He is very distant when we are apart but great when we are together. He recently went AWOL. We talked about it and he said he is 100%interested but has so much going on in his life right now (I know this is true as we have mutual friends) and wants to take it slow. He seemed surprised that I would have worried at his lack of contact. I now haven’t heard from him now in 2 weeks. Is he just too cowardly to end it? How much space should I give before I… Read more »
Hi going out with a guy for a year . Supposed to go away for a night. He couldn’t come I was really upset. He is a total workaholic never has any time to met me. We live two hours away from each other. Anyway I was really cross with him. Td me he would talk to me soon never texted me once all weekend . An I been dumped
Hi Adam. What if he just end it like this thru text ‘We should end our relationship here.’ We are working together and he totally ghosting and ignoring me. He seems to be happy, smiling and not affected after we broke up. He smiles and talks to other but not me.
But, i caught him staring at me from a far once or twice. Or maybe I’m just imagining. Wish him an advance ‘Happy birthday wish and Good day ‘ thru text today. That’s it.
Hi!…
Am dating this guy who is single, tall, professional and handsome …. I txt him every day at least 2 times and he reply but, not as sweet as me. We see each other ones a week. .. I feel he is very distance but, when we r together his very loving and caring…. Am very confused ! Am older than him, he has no children and he works hard. I do not know what to thinking about it?
I have been with a man for a year and a half…… it isn’t unusual for him not to call or text daily, but usually he calls within the week. He always says he loves me and when I feel frustrated and tell him this isn’t working and I deserve better, he is very quick to pour on the “I love yous” and want to come see me. He tells me he wants to marry me, but I never took it seriously because of his behavior. He frequently asks if I am with another man, but will never answer questions… Read more »
I somewhat had the same thing happen. Got with an old friend while we were both still married and he told me he was ready to leave his wife. Little did I know, he was full of lies deceit and manipulation. First he wanted to keep leaving me for his wife. Of course we’d reconnect and start the affair over. The spouses had known about us by then. His wife finally left him and I thought this is it, we can finally be together as I had no problem leaving my husband after the way he treated me throughout the… Read more »
I been seeing some one for the past 3 months week text and call each other, but some times he will disappear for a week or two and not text or call me back and when he finally does call or texts back he will say he had no top up to text back. He never answers any thing I ask him he will change it in it something else. Why is that? Is he playing games n just getting what he wants or is he telling me the truth about him.
I was seeing a guy for a few months. We were having a great time. He’d call me everyday, make plans and talk with the ‘we ‘ all the time. He’s waszakways smiling, polite,, attentive, thoughtful and responsive. We went away for the weekend,, had a great time and made plans to see each other in the week. We’d even made plans for a OS holiday. We had a bit of a funny tiff.. I was grumpy and walked out. He hasn’t spoken to me since. I tried calling.. nobanswe. I text a note saying I’m sorry, but he won’t… Read more »
Hey Linda. Im on the same boat here. It hurts when you know he’s there but ignoring your texts/calls. Even more so when it’s very unlike his usual texting/calling behaviour. In my case I gave him sometimes to think it over since it can be 1) He got taken aback from this relationship for some reasons (this moving too fast, he’s catching feelings, etc) and need some space or 2) He’s going out with other girls too. And it seems his interest might has shifted towards the other. If he’s into you and serious about this relationship then he wouldn’t… Read more »
I have been dating this guy for more than 3 years. But suddenly, he stop calling , he ignore me even on social media like facebook but whenever he update his profile or upload a picture i do react to it still he will ignore , he doesnt reply me either through text or instant messenger, he doesnt answers my phone. I don’t know what is going in his mind and it been a month.
I met this guy on a dating app. The vibe was so good , I liked him to the extent I flew to meet him. We had an awesome your days together and in these days, he confessed that he really likes me and wants a life together. He knows I still gat school and I just can’t leave my life for him right now. So when I was leaving, he was sad and said it’s better we take some days off each other for him to figure out what exactly he felt for me. I agreed and I flew… Read more »
I dont know him or you personally but this seem like he’s either really into you too and is actually planning something for you two. That’s why he got so upset thinking you’re not on the same page (not texting even though it was his request, telling him you wouldn’t bother him anymore). If this is the case, then him not replying is unusual because if he likes you enough he would make it clear to you. If he’ even planning on buying you a ring then you wouldn’t let you go that easy. In the other hand, if this… Read more »
My boyfriend tried to force an egg roll in my mouth n i refused and it fell n he got pissed and left me alone and when i try to iron things out he did not even care to listen and it been 5 days now n i still haven’t heard from him and i miss him so much but am tired of him taking me for granted so i decide to let him be please tell me what should i do???
Men are emotional retards! End of story.
I met a guy that I really like and wanted to hang out with him the weekend but then he made an excuse which sent little bells ringing in my head. He switched his phone off a few times during the course of the weekend which makes me think that he was with someone and possibly not as single as he would have liked me to believe. I asked him and he denied being in a relationship but then he started to slowly not text me like he did before. I did not give him a chance to tell me… Read more »
Hay I have friend I texts. Him often sometimes he rply sometimes doesn’t rply don’t now if he interest or igonres or doesn’t care or marry me been texting him view days he slinet.plz help
I’m totally going through this right now. I’ve been hanging out with a guy for months. We’ve really never discussed moving past the friend zone and he is frequently busy when I ask if he wants to do things with me. Most recently, after finding he was busy, I asked an old friend, who also works with him, to go 4 wheeling with me. He knew I went but never asked who I went with and the opportunity to tell him didn’t arise. Long story short, he asked the guy I went with at work what he did the previous… Read more »
I’ve been talking to this guy for a few weeks. We met after a week and a bit. He was going on about sex, said he would get into a relationship with me if the sex isn’t awkward and if it’s good, after our 2nd meet up we done the deeds. He was ok with me the next day and night but for the last couple of days he’s barely spoke, we would usually speak on the phone every night. He said after Friday if the sex was good we’d be together and nothing got mentioned about it since. I… Read more »
So I hooked up with this guy 10 years ago. We just did oral sex and it was amazing!! We met in Canada, he lives in Connecuit and I live in Illinois. He recently contacted me via Facebook. We talked/text everyday! Even just a hi or goodnight. He wanted to request me as a friend on Facebook, he even made a comment he couldn’t see my friends. Anyway, 2 days later he “deactivated “ Facebook. He did say he was going to. But why would he post seven pictures of his kids ask me to be my friend on Facebook… Read more »
Hi! In my case, im dating a man online, we both love each other, he even introduce me to his family and friends. We always video call everyday. He said he really loves me and serious with me. And he will do everything just for us to meet and get married. We have fight sometimes, but we resolve it after days. But this last misundestanding we have is making me doubt and think a lot. The reason was, he asked me a question and after i answered i asked d same question. He got angry, but he already told me… Read more »
Hi! We know each other from 11 months.. first we were frnds then after spending a month together we realized it is not just frndship..but love…we confessed…we are good..he told me when we stepped into the relation that he can’t be around me much..and he s too busy with things..I said it’s k…i thought he maybe busy but he loves me so he will express…but all of sudden he is acting weird.like he is not responding my texts..he will talk with me every day..but I know something has changed..he is not seemed to be inserted and caring.. when I raise… Read more »
I was seeing this guy for just over a month and he appeared as everything I could ask for but then suddenly it took time for him to respond which is totally fine with me because we arent rly exclusive although we both dont see other people and he claimed that hes rly busy at work, which i totally understand and dont bother me at all. It started to bugg the hell outta me when he didnt have the courtesy to just open my text although hes online. I dont stalk him intentionally but I saw him online several times… Read more »
We are colleges .Both of us are new joiner . First time i saw him , I told my self “ u r in a big trouble”. I didnt show him anything as I am always super confident . Next day he met me down while i am waiting my car end of the day , he took my number and then he started to text and asking to go out . We went out like 3 times with his twin and my sister ..we had so much fun ..this day we kissed . After few days he came and… Read more »
i met one guy like 20 days back …our conversations were so good morning and evening …all like love birds but suddenly one he told me that he have one guilt everytime in his mind ..i asked him and he said he feels guilty because im his friends sister ..so why the hell he started talking ..so now he ignores me ….
Ive been talking to this guy for about 5 months or so, and we both liked each other. We would talk all night and watch movies, etc. Suddenly the next day he didnt respond to my text messages. And now he wont even look at my messages and hes been ignoring me. The last time we talked i tried to call him 3 times and he called back 1 time (sadly i didnt answer on time) and then i called back but he didnt answer. So what does this mean? I tried to figure it out but idk im still… Read more »
So I knew/ met this guy 5 years ago at this party. I was married at the time, but he made sure he told me he thought I was a very attractive woman. He went back home (The East coast) and I stayed in the Plains- and proceeded to go through a divorce (Not for him) I than got into a bad relationship , and posted on social media that I was done being played a fool. HE reached out to me and continued to say that he still thinks I am beautiful , amazing and he would be honored… Read more »
I had a boyfriend whom I dated from November 11,2017 March 5 ,2019(on and off). He always said he loved me and we were happy but when we first satrted going out, we split for a 2 months amd he started seeing someone else. Them I was angry at him so I ignor dmhim, and afternthose 2 months we split for he came back, spamming me constantly even though I didn’t reply. Them I finally had the guts to respomd to him again. Then we became friends for a while, for like a month. Them we got together again amd… Read more »
I started seeing this guy at work and we became friends for about a month, well he got the courage to ask me for my number eventually and I gave it too him, that weekend we spent time together he invited me to a wedding we had fun and we were intimate the second time we were together. The next week he was still texting me every morning and evening saying he wanted to see me again and just became really busy and suddenly cut off contact with me for two weeks so I reached out asked how are you?… Read more »
Ok so I am engaged to this man of whom I have been with for a little over 5 years. Due to financial issues we are both in different states. Recently I have been wrestling with my so called Spidey senses going off. Two wedding dates have been put on hold. After the second time of this began my feelings of something was off. He texted less often. Or when I called he was either busy with work or would respond with he would text me back later. Sometimes he did sometimes not. It’s been about 8-9 months since we… Read more »
So in November last year, I was secretly going out with this guy (let’s call him Jess) and this really good friend of his and mine told me that he was in love with me (let’s call him Luke). Now, Jess has always been pretty clean but Luke is really heavy on the drugs. Jess was always kind of an asshole and it took me a long time to get over him, but while I was going through emotional turmoil with Jess, I would always tell Luke about it. Luke would get high and tell me that he loved me… Read more »
I’ve been seeing this guy, I already like him, he knows I do… he’s lost someone in the past that he loved to a death. He knows he’s emotionally closed off.,,, he’s a bit tricky to read. We enjoy our company and get along well… I get texts all the time.., I opened up and expressed feelings and now I’m being ignored, I kept it light in casual that I like him, I value our friendship and time, I’m not seeing other people, he says he’s not either…., he seems to ignore any compliments I give him, so I’ve backed… Read more »
Yes I hurt his feelings, when I realized, I called to apologize, he deliberately ended my call. This is something I’ve pleaded and begged him to stop doing, shutting me off whenever something goes wrong with us. I’ve been waiting for 2 weeks now, no call no text. I’m a little bit confused, like are we still dating? I’m actually tired of always going back to be the one to beg and try to smoothen things out. It’ll be nice if I see some efforts from him too
What should I do when the guy that I met recently for about a month ago telling me that He can’t take it anymore? From the very first start of our dating he told me that he doesn’t want any relationship as of now. But we keep seeing each other and we did things like a true couple. He said he likes me but after few days he never say that again that he like me. And there are times that he disappear. I feel shocked when we have a date and i booked already. He said he can’t do… Read more »
I have been talking to a guy for 3 1/2 months. He added me on Facebook an I messaged him telling him thank you, & i thought he was cute. After the text I didn’t text him for a good while then inbthe middle of June he messages me out of the blue. We talked every day & he made plans to come & visit me but something came up. We talked of living together, saying I love you, giving me nicknames, to him coming down to get me & my daughter to move to NY With him. Talking about… Read more »
I have known a guy for 8 years and we dated for the first, I will call him J. His son was very young and beyond spoiled, I couldn’t get a moment of peace with J and I had to watch this kid tear our relationship apart. I tried in the nicest way I could to explain my feelings but J thought I wanted him to choose between his son and me so I had to end it. It was super-hard and broke my heart but I knew it was the right thing to do. We stayed friends over the… Read more »
I been with this for 9 months things was going great for us and we really liked each other well I really love him and I’m not so good at relationships at all I always feel like someon is trying to play me are just use me for sex because that basically happened to me but this guy told me he love me and that he won’t hurt me and I regret opening up to him so quick he came to Portland met my family and like when he went to the mall he said I embarrassed him I don’t… Read more »
am into dis particular guy for 9 months nw we use to be very cool he loved me en I loved him as well he use to be a blessing to my world I let him kn every thing abu me including my weakness which I was nt suppose to bt recently his putting up some silly attitude he hardly calls me he reply my text after 3 or 4 hrs en am always unable to call him pls am so confused ryt nw wat am I suppose to do
so i have been seeing a guy for about a month now. We have only seen each other 4 times and were very attracted to one another. On the second time of seeing me he asked if he could knock me up. i was shocked and didn’t really know what to say all i could say was i didn’t want to go through the same situations again that i had been in with my other 2 kids and i needed to know that he would not leave us. He messaged if he asked me would i take my IUD out… Read more »
I’ve been texting with a guy for the last 10 months. Sometimes I initiate contact sometimes he does. We’ve been on two dates. He lives an hour away from me but works a hectic schedule and has a kids in another city he sees every weekend. Our schedules just don’t seem to sync up for some reason. We will get close and try to make plans to see each other then he backs off. He most always responds to text messages but occasionally will not. I’m really confused as to what he has to gain by keeping the relationship going… Read more »
Hi, I reconnected with a guy I knew from teenage years, very complimentary and eager back and forth messaging for almost a month. He stated repeatedly that I was too good for him and he has never ghosted anyone nor cheated etc. One day he just did not reply so 48 hours goes by and I message him to see if he was okay as he posted negative stuff on social media, he ignored that message. I was concerned as he had access to his child problems so I sent another message the day after he read it and ignored… Read more »