Is He Your Boyfriend? 9 Signs He’s Committed to You

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“So whaddya think? Is Jason my boyfriend?”

It feels like every conversation you have over brunch with your girlfriends is obsessing — er, assessing — your relationship status.

If only you had a crystal ball.

Women want labels. Labels make them feel secure. If he’s your boyfriend, it means your affection for him is reciprocated.

It means he’s committed to you. It means maybe, just maybe, love could be around the corner. So it’s no wonder you’re wondering…

Is he my boyfriend?

Let’s look into a few signs that not only is this guy your boyfriend, but that he’s also eager and open to seeing where the relationship takes you.

1. He Likes Spending Time With You Outside of the Bedroom

Sure, the sex is mind-blowing. But that’s not the only way he wants to get close to you.

Hikes, lunches, dinners, movies. Even Netflix and chill and board games.

This guy enjoys spending time with you (and not just in the deep of the night). A boyfriend knows that while sex is an important bonding tool, it’s just one facet of a healthy relationship. Which he wants with you.

2. He’s Cool Meeting Your Friends & Family (and Introducing You to His)

Look, I’ll be honest.

Women are usually much more chatty with their friends about their new amours. Guys, well, it’s just sometimes not the primary topic of conversation.

So to be honest, he probably didn’t tell many (or any) people about your first date. But you’ve been together a while now, so you should see not only has he told people about you, but he also wants you to meet them.

It’s a big deal. Acknowledge.

Likewise, he’s eager to meet those that matter to you.  He’s agreed to have brunch with your sister and her five kids, or go on a double date with your bestie. He’s eager to immerse himself in your world and interests.

This one’s a keeper.

3. He’s Affectionate in Public

Now, not every guy is all about PDA, so please don’t use this as the single measure of whether he’s your boyfriend.

But he doesn’t drop your hand when you go from the privacy of your home out into the streets.

A boyfriend will put his arm around you occasionally. He might even hold your hand. Or kiss you in public. He should, at the very least, be more affectionate than he was on the first few dates. He should be proud to have you at his side.

4. You Have Great Conversations

One of the foundations of a solid relationship is to be able to talk about things that light you both up.

Maybe it’s your shared love of anime. Or the Kardashians. Or 18th century Russian literature.

Whatever that shared interest is, you and he love engaging in thought-provoking dialogue. There’s never a lull in the conversation. He challenges you to think, learn, and argue (but in a fun way).

Who needs that with a fling? This is the stuff boyfriends are made of.

5. He Makes Plans Far in Advance

“Hey, what are you doing Friday,” you ask.

“Whoa, babe. That’s a bit far in the future to be planning, don’t ya think?” he replies.

This, m’lady, is not a boyfriend.

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A boyfriend makes plans, big and small, far enough into the future that you need a calendar.

That movie that comes out at the end of next month?

He’s already bought tickets.

The music festival five hours away on New Years?

He’s already mapping out your road trip.

This, too, is a big deal, and one you should acknowledge. It can feel like he’s laying his heart on the table when he plans in advance (“what if she doesn’t see us together that far away?”), so know that he’s subtly telling you he sees a future with you. Reciprocate with your own advanced planning.

6. You Know You Don’t Have to Dress Up for Him

When you started dating, you pulled out your LBD and cat eye makeup. But now, you don’t feel as compelled to hide behind a facade.

After all, maybe you’ve stayed the night with your fella, and inevitably, he saw you in your full puffy-faced morning glory. And he didn’t run.

Feeling so comfortable around this guy means that he likes you for more than your superficial looks. Think of it like this: couples who have been together for years don’t have to dress up for one another to impress each other (though it’s nice occasionally). You’re well on your way to being that couple.

7. He Keeps Track of Your Friends and Their Stories

You’re surprised at how much effort he’s put into navigating your soap opera friends and their stories: he’s working to keep Jen 1 straight from Jen 2, along with their complicated dramas.

“Now, Jen 1 is the one who got drunk and fell into your birthday cake?”

“No, that’s Jen 2, but good guess!”

Think about an actual soap opera. If you only glance at five minutes of it, you’re not invested in the plot. But spend more time with it, and before you know it, you’re indignant that they buried Carly alive. As he falls for you, he’s getting more invested in your story and will go to great lengths to keep up with everyone’s role in it.

8. He Leaves Things at Your House (and Invites You to Do So)

The whole “leaving things at his house” decision is a big one. You don’t want to leave anything you’d have to get back if things ended badly, so you wait to be asked if you want your own drawer. Then you worry you’ll freak him out doing it too fast.

On the other hand, maybe he casually mentions he should leave a toothbrush at your house.

Good sign!

It means he’s acknowledging that your home is his home, at least part of the time. Letting him call the shots here lets him do it in his time, not yours, which means he’ll be communicating that he’s ready to get serious when he does.

9. He Calls You His Girlfriend

If you’re very patient and don’t force the whole “what are we” conversation, he will make the proclamation himself.

Better to let him do it than try to force him to make the call on the whole boyfriend/girlfriend label too soon.

Congratulations, Sexy Confident Lady! You’ve snagged yourself a boyfriend!

What signs is your man throwing that you need help interpreting? Leave them in the comments below.

What do you think? Share your thoughts below...

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6 years ago

Ok I need advice. I became friends with this guy who was married to a neighbor of mine who was only married to her for two months before she threw him out. We started talking or messaging each other from the beginning of February till April when we finally met. By then we had become good friends and I felt I knew him for a long time. The 2nd time we met we had sex. He said he just wanted to be friends but we started going out and he texted me every day and called me numerous times a… Read more »

6 years ago
Reply to  Carol

Maybe he fell in love with u…. Reciprocated every feeling but due to hos past failures, he backed off and didn’t wanna get hurt again.
And i tried to just move over you. But couldn’t cuz he has feelings for you.
Guys tend to be stupid in emotional stuff and do randomly strange things.

3 years ago
Reply to  Carol

No one would do what he did for you if he didn’t care about you. He was already sleeping with you so he wasn’t trying to get anything. I have personally been through a lot and it’s hard to be confident and not get scared especially when you are starting to or already liking someone so much you feel vulnerable. I am not a guy so l don’t know how typical it is but l know everyone is different and there is no definitive explanation. It’s up to you but l would say give it a go, let him know… Read more »

Patricia Faustrum
3 years ago
Reply to  Carol

Hi Carol!
Seems like it has passed 2 years already. So what is going on with the two of you now?
Just wondering as I read your msg.
I hope hear back from you.

6 years ago

We are in our 50s have been together 5 years he still doesn’t know my friends or family there is alway

6 years ago

We are in our 50s have been together 5 years he still doesn’t know my friends or family. Yet gets angry if I miss an unschedule spur of the moment lunch with his mother or grown sons. He has spent no time with my 15 yr. Son. Whats up?

6 years ago

I feel like a bad person. Don’t judge. He’s amazing… But v I’m not physically attracted to him. We have had sex twice and it was disappointing. I want to wait and he doesn’t get that.
He’s willing to pick up and move for me. Tells me he loves me. I don’t feel the same. I’m starting a new career where I will constantly travel. What did I say? I feel like I’m being very superficial. Ugh.

6 years ago
Reply to  Kazee

If you really do not bave any solid base of feelings for him….. Concentrate on ur career. Its not worth it. You’re not bad then, you are just practical. And in a relationship, the happiness of both matters not just the feelings and satisfaction of one. Don’t compromise. Move out with mutual understanding. If it is really meant to be u wud get another time, a second chance. But rn, its better to move out.

5 years ago

What about the fool who decided to call me his ‘girlfriend’ without bothering to ask me first on our first date… and then, when a week later I finally agreed to be his girlfriend and asked him and he agreed… fast forward another week and he decided he “doesn’t want to put a label on things”? TOOL.

5 years ago

Hi, he’s going to have a swimming competition this coming December. Then he took my calendar and he wrote on the the date with this “Bae’s competition. Start at 9 till 6pm. Have to come and support ” . Is this mean that he considered me as his girlfriend already because he still haven’t confess to me? We are very close and people assume that we are couple but both of us haven’t confess our feeling.

4 years ago

I’ve been seeing this guy for about 3 months. We met online in october and have seen each other consistently since then. I have met his friends and hes met mine. We took a trip to Las Vegas together for thanksgiving break and were going to Seattle together for new years. Je tells me I’m the only one he’s seeing and he cares about me but he doesn’t want us to be official, but he’ll play around calling me his girlfriend occasionally. He doesn’t like PDA but when were alone he’s super affectionate and we usually talk for hours on… Read more »

4 years ago
Reply to  Julia

Seems like a case of anxiety. I know this one guy would tell me how much he enjoyed talking with me whenever ended a conversation I knew he really cared for me, he’d always set up things he wants to do with me whenever we got together. Just hang in there maybe reassure him that he can trust you and hopefully, he’s honest about his feelings too. Hope that helps 😀

4 years ago

Meet a guy online dating app about 3 months ago He is next to perfect in person but when I dont see him, hes weird. He told me his pet peeves are insecurities and clingy girl on our first date.he says he is very busy with work, and he doesnt check up or talks to me everyday. We had sex by our 5th date and he disappeared for almost a week after our first sex. No word from him. He finally msged and we talked and he set another date, we had sex again. He started calling me his girlfriend… Read more »

4 years ago
Reply to  Kathy

Girl ,

Not sure what has happened since you posted this. But he is ghosting you. You should really consider him wasting you time. If he has good intentions with you he would not be calling you just for sex then vanish.

If this is not what you want, you should be honest and tell him. If he doesn’t take it good, then it’s time to move on. No need to keep waiting and wasting your time on a guy that clearly doesn’t have you in mind.

4 years ago
Reply to  Bianka

I agree with Blanka!!

4 years ago

Meet a guy online dating app about 3 months ago He is next to perfect in person but when I dont see him, hes weird. He told me his pet peeves are insecurities and clingy girl on our first date.he says he is very busy with work, and he doesnt check up or talks to me everyday. We had sex by our 5th date and he disappeared for almost a week. No word from him. He finally msged and we talked and he set another date, he had sex again, this was 2 weeks after our 5th date. He started… Read more »

4 years ago
Reply to  Swr

Wow did i just read two stories back to back that other than the last two sentances were completely identical ? In my opinion sounds to me like yall both might be seein the same man!? Maybe one day one of yall invite him to your place or where ever and both of yall be there when he shows up… Confront him head on and see how he acts…

4 years ago
Reply to  Meagan

y’all leave this guy alone please he’s no good!!

4 years ago

I met this guy and only what’s to hang out at night he gives me mixed signals weather we are dating or not we have gone to movies and eat and shows me affection I just don’t get the point why always at night

4 years ago
Reply to  Mary

Girl unless hes allergic to the sun or works a graveyard shift job, in my opinion your not datin a man. If he only takes you out at night or wants to hang out with you at night girl your dating a bedbug…

4 years ago

I been seeing this guy for 5 months and we have great conversations and he always makes time for us. He has been calling and texting me everyday since we started seeing each other. He has a busy schedule with work and his kids but manages to make us time. He says we don’t need a title cause we’re adults and says he’s all about me and I shouldn’t worry. He gets up on his days off to have coffee or grab breakfast with me since I work night shifts. Are we dating and is he serious about us?

4 years ago

He let go of my hand abruptly when he saw a former flat mate (girl).
He pushed my hand away from his lap when he saw a friend (girl).
He says there’s no reason he did that

4 years ago

I have been seeing this guy for 2 years. When we first started seeing each other I was getting my undergrads and he was an Alumni of the school. We spent a lot of time together (trips, movies, eating out, I even helped him decorate his apartment). I never met his mom or his brothers but I did get to meet some of his friends who he have told about me but didn’t use the term “Girlfriend.” 8 Months ago he moved for his job and because I was still in school (now getting my Masters) we decided to do… Read more »

Tia Key
4 years ago

In my opinion, this guy is legit. He is making time for you which is demonstrating that you are his priority. Unless you have seen some other warning signs like acting single (flirting with other girls, asking for advice about getting another female, and so on) then you shouldn’t worry. I would ask myself, if I was in your shoes… Do I feel as though he has been hiding me (by not having a title)? Do I see a future with him? Does he see a future with me (are you making a ling term plans)? Have I met his… Read more »

4 years ago

Okay..i have a question…. I am dating a guy for almost 6months…we have gone on dates for 5times till now… From our very first date..he seemed very nice..we talked and laughed a lot..he always wants to know about my career…my views about serious things sometimes… also he seeks my view about some of his job and career related things…we also text regularly…most of the time he initiates…we flirts…on our last date he hold my hand with fingers crossed and when i asked what is going in between us he told that he is not good at expressing but soon he… Read more »

4 years ago

I have been dating a guy for 10 months now. when we met he opened up to me that he has a girlfriend but since I was already in love with him, I refused to listen to that. he is a nice guy, caring, very open etc. he has never asked for sex for even a day even when I try to make him feel dt I have d urge for it he said he doesn’t want to hurt me. he has travelled for his 2years program n d lady he told me about is in the same state with… Read more »

4 years ago
Reply to  Joan

Please stop the relationship. He has a girlfriend isn’t that enough to tell you to cease it?

4 years ago

I need advise. I’ve been on & off with my boyfriend for about 1 year & 6 months we recently started back in a relationship together. In the pass he has cheated on me (while we where together) I went through his phone a couple weeks ago and seen he was still texting other girls when we made the decision to get back together. I recently moved about a hour away so we aren’t able to see each other like that due to our schedules (were before we where mins away), I hate being far even though a hour isn’t… Read more »

4 years ago
Reply to  Destiny

Hi you’re going to need to take his word for it if he swears by it. If there isn’t trust there isn’t anything

3 years ago

I am wondering how can I ask the guy I have been going out for 4 month now if we are in a committed relationship? We know each other for over 4 years now. We went out a few times and split up during this 4 years for not serious reason. now it has been 4 month we are together for the longest time, he introduced me as his girlfriend but he never really asked me, or say anything to me about us being committed to each other. I don’t know. I used to say that he is my bf… Read more »

3 years ago
Reply to  Julia

I don’t really think is so wise to ever trust so much,am really glad to know my boyfriend better ….you can contact with this genius hacker via ”hackingloop6 @ gm ail . c o m”,if you are facing trust issue in your relationship. or you are in need of any hacking related issue.i believe he is the real deal and his services are reliable.

3 years ago

I’ve been with this guy for 2 years. He proposed marriage without a ring two months ago, I said yes.. Still no ring in sight. Then after all this time he woke up and said good morning boo? He has never used that phrase/ word with me. I’m confused.

1 year ago

he never kisses or me he says that he has been like that will all women that he has been with it is just because he was never given cuddles or hugs and kisses as a child i this really hard to believe because it was all different with us until his ex dies of cancer

1 year ago

He keeps calling me his missus, and has stayed round mine twice now,, he has invited me back to his for the night too. I left something at his and he made a joke that i would be moving in next. He calls me beautiful and i feel so close to him. He said he doesn’t want to commit but does this mean hes my boyfriend? .

1 year ago

If a guy calls you missus, does that mean hhe wants you to be his girl?

1 year ago

So I am dating this guy since August 27,..he was actually with is ex but he cheated on her and the ex did him dirty on his b-day anyway I was like his support system and all i was there for him and we start talking he started saying like i like you etc you have this peace within you that I am just falling in love with you etc so we started Dating at first it was all lovey dovey the ILY was flying like it christmas and also i started becoming scared i was like no way this… Read more »

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