How to Respond to a Guy Who Flakes and Then Shows Up Again

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Here’s the situation: you had a great first date. He seemed interested.

But then he never followed up. Maybe you were even brave enough to reach out, but got nothing in response.

What do you do when a guy flakes for seemingly no reason?

The Pitfalls of Texts in Dating

While it can be easy to text someone you’re dating, there are also problems with texting as a communications tool between two people.

For one, you can’t read emotion and intention. It’s entirely possible for one person to misunderstand the other’s tone when all they have is words to go by.

It’s also far too easy for guys to ghost than to tell you that they’re not into you.

Back in the day, you could call (no caller ID to warn them), they’d pick up the phone, and when you demanded to know what was going on, they’d stand there in a cold sweat, trying to figure out what to say.

Now it’s as simple as just not texting a woman. I know. It’s lame.

Texting can also turn what would be an engaging conversation into a boring, factual one.

For example: over drinks, you could ask what your date does for a living, and it could turn into a really interesting dialogue. But via text, well, it seems like an interrogation.

So if you’re communicating only via text, that’s going to make it more challenging to assess why a guy ghosts.

So…Why DO Guys Ghost?

It can be so frustrating when you think things are going well, but he clearly doesn’t. But honestly, as one of the top reasons for guys ghosting, simple incompatibility is something you can’t ignore. He may have seen it before you, but trust me: you’re better off if it’s not a good fit.

Guys may also fade away if they’re dating multiple women.

Maybe he decided that he hit it off better with one of your “competitors”. Again, you’re better off because if he’s pitting you gladiator-style against other women, you don’t want any part of that.

This guy might not have gotten what he wanted on the date.

Maybe he wanted to get physical on the first date and you showed no interest in doing so. Thus, he went off to find it elsewhere. Good riddance.

Now, while these causes so far have fallen on the man, ladies, you have to take responsibility sometimes.

Ask yourself whether you communicated your interest well. If you let him do all the heavy lifting (asking you out, planning the date, paying, texting) and you’ve done nothing to reciprocate, he may simply have concluded that you weren’t into him.

Don’t let a good one slip away!

If you were trying to play it cool so that you wouldn’t get hurt, you may have gone overboard.

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A quick “I had a great time Thursday night. We should do it again sometime…” won’t hurt to send, will it?

The worst that can happen is that he doesn’t respond. The best is that you book your next date.

Also look at your behavior on the date and via texting.

Have you been overeager?

Are you demanding his time in an unreasonable way this early in the game?

You might be turning him off, if so.

How to Banish a Ghost

The funny thing is: often a guy ghosting makes you want him more. Am I right?

You’re dying to know what you did wrong, and so he gets some kind of appeal he didn’t have before simply because he’s dissed you. You want him to want you.

Let it go.

You may never find out why he vanished into thin air. Just take it as a sign that he wasn’t for you.

If he was the right guy, he would have texted or called soon after that date and continued to move closer and closer to your heart.

He would have worked to gain your trust and approval.

This guy?

This is not a quality guy who cares about you.

That being said, I know there are some stubborn ladies out there who aren’t ready to let that ghost go.

To you, I say: send a single text to him and see if he responds.

A lighthearted “Hi there! How’s your day?” or followup to the date is all you need to send. That being said, there are definitely times you absolutely should not text him.

And if it’s been more than three days since you’ve heard from him, don’t bother.

Delete him from your phone.

He’s not too busy.

He’s trying to forget you.

Move on.

When the Flakey Guy Returns

This is the worst. You’ve taken my advice and moved on from that jerk…and then he has the nerve to pop back up! What gives?

flakey guy blog post

I’m going to break it to you: this guy is not a secret spy who’s been on a mission and unable to contact you for days or weeks. No one is too busy to text “Been busy. Catch up later?”

He may have been distracted by another female. Are you okay with that?

Okay with being seconds to someone who probably gave him the boot when she realized what a loser he was?

He may have gone through his list of women and gotten to you finally (how far down the alphabet does your name fall??).

It can feel good to hear from a guy you were attracted to.

We all like attention. But realize that you don’t need this Whack-a-Mole popping up in your life whenever he feels like it! Ignoring his behavior and letting him back into your life tells him he can treat you however he wants.

Don’t let him.

Be polite but distant. Make it clear that you’re not interested.

He’ll get the picture.

If you still want him in your life, make him work for it.

When he asks you out, tell him you’re busy this week, but that he can give you a try next week. You are worth bending over backwards for, so let him.

If he’s willing, give him a chance. If not, someone else will be more than happy to earn your smile.

I admit that there are plenty of absent-minded guys out there. Men who will leave their laundry in a moldering pile on the bed for weeks. Men who forget to buy milk.

But there is no excuse for not following up after a date to let her know he had a good time and wants to see her again.

Or let her know that he isn’t feeling it.

It’s just simple common courtesy.

Demand it.

Expect it.

And you will receive it.

What do you think? Share your thoughts below...

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5 years ago

Well said !! 100 score !!!!

4 years ago
Reply to  Gg

Excellent! Funny! And soooo true! Thank you

5 years ago

well what if you both had decided to be fwb and you had a great time but he seems really uninterested? i texted him the next day asking straight up if he was interested in hanging out again and this is the perfect opportunity to say no but all he said was ya and nothing else. what is going on. ugh

3 years ago
Reply to  vitriola

How about start having some respect for yourself and stop expecting to be treated like a lady. You are throwing your body around. Why should he have any respect for you when you have none for yourself?
Sure people might be nice in order to get what they want from you, but as long as you keep acting like a hoe, you will keep being treated like one.

3 years ago
Reply to  really?

You could quit being an ignorant asshole who calls women hoes to feel better about yourself? Get off your high horse.

4 years ago

These days woman act like they are okay with not saying anything. Inside, they are hurt and act like they are tough. Just be honest how u feel and be straight up. If he doesn’t treat u right, just f*** him. Next please. Stop wasting ur time. Be honest about ur feeling. U have only one life.

4 years ago

Please. This article is a laugh. Women flake on men FAR MORE then men do on women. Inevitably, the guy flaking on you has more value than you and more options. Yet women frequently do this to guys without a hint of remorse. Women are all ultimately chasing after the same few high value guys.

3 years ago
Reply to  blogster

Blogster typical beta male answer. Grow up & get educated on the topic before you mouth off. You do not have a clue and making such factless statements makes you a complete fool.

3 years ago
Reply to  blogster

Um really because men flake on me all the time. Someone just flaked on me last night.

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