He Acted Like He Was Interested. Now He Disappeared. Find Out Why.

Why He Acts Interested, Then Suddenly Disappears

He acted like he was interested.

You were sure he was.

You went on one, two, or maybe even four dates and things seemed to be going really well…

You’ve been sharing appetizers and bar hopping across town…

Maybe you even have an inside joke or a special song…

He’s been texting every day…

But then, without warning, he’s gone.

he acted like he was interested

Things were going well…and then he ghosted.

Radio silence.

Never to be heard from again.

What the BLEEP happened???

Before you start blaming yourself (and I know you’re trying to right now), let me just say: you are not the reason he acted like he was interested and then ghosted.

Seriously. It’s not you. It’s him.

You don’t really know this guy all that well. He may have different goals when it comes to dating. He might be scared of opening up and falling for you.

Heck, he might just be a jerk.

But what if you could know ahead of time that a guy was likely to disappear into the sunset? What if you could prevent this heartache from ever happening again?

It turns out there are some telltale signs that can help you predict when he’s going to ghost you. And guess who’s ready to share them with you?

This guy!


If you’re tired of worrying about whether you’ll ever get a reply to your last text

… or if you’re desperate to know how to identify the ghost before you start being haunted…

Check out this video to learn why he acted like he was interested…and then ghosted… and what you can do about it. It’s like having a dating crystal ball (without having to wear the weird headscarf)!

Your Coach,

Adam

In it, you’ll learn exactly how to transition any casual situation into a loving, committed one.

Summary: Why He Acted Like He Was Interested…Then Vanished into Thin Air

So, why do guys disappear when things are going great?

The reasons vary as much as men’s personalities do, but one thing is certain: he’s doing you a favor. Whatever the reason he acted like he was interested and then did a runner, he’s not the guy for you.

He’s just saving you time in figuring that out.

Now, that doesn’t make it any easier to swallow. When a guy ghosts, it’s bruising to your ego, for sure. And you’ll want to get to the bottom of why he disappeared. But you can’t resurrect a ghost. Nor should you want to.

His phone didn’t die (for five days).

He’s not in the hospital.

He didn’t lose your number.

He wasn’t that swamped at work all week.

This guy is done with you. You may never find out why. So let it go. You will only waste valuable energy trying to determine what you did wrong (nothing) and why he vanished into thin air (because he sucks).

But for next time, look out for a few of these common scenarios of why he might act like he’s interested but then exit stage left.

1. He’s Dating For Sport

dating for sport

He may not be into having a committed relationship.

I don’t understand, Adam. I was dating this really great guy. He pursued me…then disappeared. What gives?

Uggg. It’s the worst to find out — after you’ve started to like a guy — that he’s dating because it’s his hobby and he has very little interest in pursuing anything more serious.

He doesn’t really want a real relationship.

So why did he bother going out with you in the first place? Then he acted like he was interested and moved on his merry little way.

Some men want to go out with as many women as possible. They might not be looking for love, but they do enjoy the company of women…sexual and otherwise. They like going out for a nice meal or drink with a lovely lady.

There’s nothing wrong with that.

And also: people are getting married later. Studies show that 33% of couples marry past the age of 27, and many don’t get married at all.

So that means a lot of people, especially in their late 20s, are not dating with any serious intentions. When a man disappears without an explanation, it may be because he doesn’t want to take it any further than a few dates.

What You Can Do About It

If you are looking for a serious relationship, the best thing you can do early on with a new suitor is to get an idea of his dating history. Gently prod into how many serious relationships he’s had, how long they lasted, and what was the cause of the end of them.

This is murky water to wade into, so proceed with this conversation when it feels natural. Avoid peppering him with too many questions. Instead, make it a conversation, where you share a bit about your own past relationships as well.

And make it clear from the start that you’re looking for a potential long-term partner. If you’re dating online, mention it in your profile so you filter out guys who only want a one-night stand.

Just because he’s dating casually doesn’t mean that you need to stop seeing him. It just means that you want to be very aware of what his goals in terms of dating are, and don’t invest too much energy and emotion in him unless he starts investing it in you.

2. You Were Just Incompatible

you were incompatible

He may know before you that you don’t fit together.

The reality of dating and finding love is that the vast majority of the men you meet won’t be right for you. And sometimes you’ll meet someone that you really like but they’re not interested in you. Incompatibility happens.

So if he acted like he was interested and then disappears, it might be because he’s realized that the two of you don’t belong together.

He might ghost because he doesn’t want to face the music and come clean that you’re not right for him (and vice versa). It takes balls to have that conversation.

Or he might not feel like you’ve been dating long enough to really warrant a legit break up. Maybe he thinks if you’ve only gone out once or twice, he doesn’t owe you an explanation.

Sure, it would be common courtesy, but ya know…not everybody is brave enough to tell a woman he’s not feeling it.

Sometimes this happens in life and in dating. It’s part of the process. Think about it: if you’re looking for The One, that indicates that there are lots of others who are not the one! If it were easy to find the one true love of your life, I would be out of a job!

What You Can Do About It

But seriously: the worst thing you can do if he acted like he was interested and then disappeared because you two weren’t compatible is give up. Or insist that this man was right for you when clearly he wasn’t.

You can’t force compatibility. You either fit with another person, or you don’t. No amount of wanting it to work out will make it work out.

The best thing you can do is take that time to heal, pick yourself back up, and then get back out there! You’ll find that person who you are compatible with, and this guy will pursue you until the cows come home.

3. The Relationship Was Founded On Superficial Reasons

sexy man

If you don’t really know him, how can you expect it to work out?

You: OMG! This guy is absolutely my soulmate. We are meant to be together.

Your BFF: What’s his last name?

You: Um…

If you meet a guy and sparks are flying everywhere but you know nothing about him except the fact that he’s tall, handsome, and drives a Ferrari, I guarantee that this is going to be a short-term relationship.

How do I know?

Because you’re focusing on short-term attributes.

It takes time to get to know a person. If you’ve been in a long-term relationship or marriage before, think about all the million insignificant details that you knew about your partner.

He had a lingering fear of the dark left over from childhood.

He hated his food touching.

He broke his arm in a football game in high school and now holds it funny.

These may be small details, but they make up the fabric of a relationship. You can’t know a guy this well within a matter of weeks or months…or maybe even years. It takes time.

Don’t rush into deciding that he’s the one for you without knowing more about him, or you might be left wondering why he doesn’t call anymore. Maybe he realized that you were putting too much into this potential relationship, and he saw that it wasn’t going anywhere.

Either that or after all those hot, passionate flames died down, the two of you were left staring at each other with nothing to say. He acted like he was interested initially because he was…but once he realized the two of you had nothing in common besides sheer animal attraction, he took the first train outta town.

What You Can Do About It

So give it a little time for you two to get to know each other. Passion is important in a relationship, but there’s a thin line between passion and lust.

The difference?

You can have passion if you also get to know each other and having things in common. You aren’t left with nothing to say to one another outside of the bedroom.

Don’t rush the getting-to-know-you phase, either. It’s the best part. Those late-night phone conversations and prolonged dates lay the foundation for a solid, long-lasting relationship, and it’ll be one that he’ll want to stick around to develop with you.

And if he doesn’t call anymore? Dig into what you really knew about one another. I’m betting it wasn’t enough to support a true relationship

4. He Acted Like He Was Interested Then Ghosted Because You Showed No Interest in Him

sad man

If you don’t let him know you care, he may give up.

Us guys, we just need a little bit of reassurance that you’re into us. For every 100 articles of dating advice for women out there telling you to play hard to get, there’s maybe one article telling you to be authentic and open about the way that you feel about a guy.

So if you’ve been a little aloof about your feelings, the reason he doesn’t call anymore may be because he assumed you weren’t into him.

The strategies I teach at Sexy Confidence are very different than some of the bullshit advice you’ll find on other dating advice sites.

Don’t play hard to get.

Be hard to get because you have an amazing life that keeps you busy and fulfilled, and certainly don’t waste all of your energy on a guy that you barely know. But here’s where you might need to change your current approach: as a guy invests more of his time, resources, and energy into you, you have to reciprocate!

You need to be vulnerable and willing to share with him that you think he’s an amazing guy. Opening up and sharing those feelings with him is going to make you feel so much more connected to one another, and he’ll be secure in knowing how you feel about him.

Once he’s sure of your feelings for him, he can then decide if he’s ready to take it to the next level with you and become your boyfriend.

What You Can Do About It

So take a look at how you treat the guy you’re with. Maybe you’ve been burned in the past, and have built a tower around you, making it difficult to communicate how you feel about him because you’re scared of getting hurt again.

That’s perfectly normal, but if you are serious about finding love, you will have to learn to be vulnerable again and let him into your heart. Start small. Just tell him how wonderful he is, or how much you enjoy spending time together. Be the first one to text, call, or make plans next time.

These tiny moves can have a major impact when they show your guy that you care.

Conclusion:

If the guy you’ve been dating suddenly evaporates after he acted like he was interested, don’t let it get you down. You ought to write him a thank you note!

With so many men out there, the less time you spend on the wrong ones, the more time you have to dedicate to finding the right one. It can be easy to take it personally when a man ghosts, but you’ll need to develop thicker skin to survive the dating world.

Trust me: most men are not thinking of your feelings when they disappear. They’re trying to avoid drama, and in their minds, you’ll be a teary mess if they tell you that they just didn’t feel that spark or that they weren’t ready to get serious.

Boy, puleeze.

Now, I know you wouldn’t fall apart if the guy had that conversation with you, and that you’d at least be relieved to know the reason he was walking away.

But humans avoid conflict — real or imagined — whenever possible. If he imagines that being honest and open with you will cause conflict, you better bet he’ll opt for the ghosting option.

But do not be disheartened, Dear Lady. Not all guys are cowards. You will meet one who will make you wonder why you wasted even a second on every other man you ever dated. All it takes is patience.

adam-lodolce-blog-avatar

Adam LoDolce

Love Strategist

My true passion in life is transforming your love life by giving you specific tools and techniques that you can use to attract long lasting love. I got started when...Read Adam's Story

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shay
3 years ago

Question: When should people who met online take down their profiles? How should you approach the subject with men? Should you move on if he keeps his profile up after you have been dating him for several months?

Beth
3 years ago
Reply to  shay

I took my profile down when he asked me to do so. That would be the day he said we’re exclusive. Having said that, his profile is still up, but I don’t care. First, he can be forgetful because he’s so busy. Second, he never goes to the site, so it’s just there. Finally, he lets me know that I’m extremely important to him, so I’m very secure in the relationship. I don’t nag him about the profile because that would cause issues where there really aren’t any right now. Did I mention that he never goes to the site?… Read more »

Mary
3 years ago
Reply to  Beth

That sounds a lot like denial and unfair but… do you lady.

Ashley
2 years ago
Reply to  Mary

No. It sounds like a woman who is mature and confident in her relationship.

Leah
2 years ago
Reply to  Ashley

No, it sounds like a woman that’s afraid to stir the pot and upset this guy that sounds to me to be a creep! I’ve been there, made every excuse in the book about why he ignored my text and then said he lost his phone, had a double profile on the dating site when we first met with another name! I let it go and laughed it off, then he said we were exclusive so I took my profile down but then he told me he was married but wasn’t in love anymore! Uughh!! This guy was a liar!!… Read more »

Suzyq
3 years ago

It’s an immature way of ending a dating sequence, or even a string of getting-to-know-you conversations. Adult men and women need to learn to say, I’m sorry, but the relationship or friendship isn’t working out. Maybe the other person will agree and feel relieved. Sometimes we hang on to a relationship even though we know deep down it’s not a good thing. Let go, but don’t hurt someone in the process, unless it’s an abusive situation, then RUN!

Jackie
3 years ago

Adam,
I agree with everything but what about the guy who chooses fear over love. Sometimes it seems things are going great but he freaks out after that incredible date where you know there’s a connection.

Anonymous
3 years ago
Reply to  Jackie

I think sometimes they think they’re not good enough for you, or there is something they are not telling you that if you knew – you may think the same thing. They may be dating for sport, as well. So that great date, is in their playbook. It can be for amusement. the key is long term dating / friending without emotional investment until THEY start emotionally investing. I’ve always said the man needs to want the woman more!! Once the man is in (like marriage), they won’t leave too easily. It’s actually the women that does the leaving, most… Read more »

Kim
3 years ago

Hi Adam Very happy to have come across your site . You are definatly refreshing open and honest and very helpful with your knowledge and advice …. thank you . Iam dating in my 40 ‘s Good times ?? Umm no Lol !! I was dating a guy for a year in his 40’s never married no kids . Very well established with his career , friends and family . His life is actually pretty great, I loved that he was independent, hard working , traveled and was “living the life “. Iam a single mom of one Separated for… Read more »

Anonymous
3 years ago
Reply to  Kim

“40’s never married no kids” That’s a HUGE red flag these days. What is his birth order? The last born males are usually most problematic when it comes to being responsible and doing the right thing. I leanred not to say, “if you want to”… It’s too open. You have to give a deadline and then be ready to get over him, at that point – if he doesn’t meet it. One year in is way too long for him to be saying I love you. There are different kinds of I love you. I love you. I love you… Read more »

Called to be Holy
3 years ago
Reply to  Anonymous

I do not want to hear the words “I love you” until the man will follow right after with “Will you marry me?” Also, I won’t kiss until the Nuptial Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.

Larissa
11 months ago
Reply to  Anonymous

Why is that a huge red flag?

Alexa
3 years ago

Ghosting is another variation of treating someone badly. It’s not ok to Ghost. If someone Ghosts you, be glad they showed you their low standards so early on & look forward to meeting someone new with integrity & respect for your feelings. I have been ghosted. It hurts the first few times but hurts less over time, to the point where it no longer hurts. Adam’s advice not to invest in a man before you see him investing in you, pretty much removes the pain of Ghosting because you haven’t shared your heart with a man whose standards you don’t… Read more »

Peggy
3 years ago

Went on a few dates with a guy I met on a dating website. Met for coffee, went out for dinner, he acted very interested. Wanted to go out other nights too, but I was already busy. He asked me to go to a Celtics game, he was going to pick me up at my house and never showed up. I texted him half an hour after he was supposed to pick me up “everything okay?” No answer. I was shocked he stood me up, and I was even more upset he knew my address. He looked at my online… Read more »

Terri
3 years ago

I am an older woman, dating, and I have been ghosted upon! It is not just the young guys. Do they ever grow-up?! I don’t think so-LOL- I was involved with a man, and I agree with Adam, that I believe its fear of love as he has been a bachelor and fear of losing it. We broke up off and on, months here and there. He pushed me away, then I him, etc. The pattern I saw in him was because I wanted a “relationship” and a “commitment” he always felt that from me even when I never asked… Read more »

Hannah
3 years ago

I think ghosting is really immature. In my opinion, if a guy does this he is NOT mature enough to give you what you need in a relationship, as he doesn’t know who to handle confrontation, or at least be kind enough to let you know he doesn’t think it’s working out. Wouldn’t you agree Adam?

Carol McNulty
2 years ago
Reply to  Hannah

I agree,,,it’s true what they say,,,Men are from Mars,women from Venus..They need to grow up and day exactly what they want

Julie
3 years ago

Hi, I’ve been ghosted a few times by the same guy and it is frustrating. He was pursuing me big time then it stopped and I was pursuing him as well. We had been talking since early this year, then met up to finally see each other, then had an official date as he called it and he said he wanted us to continue to date so that we could know each other before we did anything else. We are both very attracted to each other we kissed and it could have gone further but we wanted to do things… Read more »

Jamie
2 years ago
Reply to  Julie

This has happened to me with a man. I’m ignoring the guy. I suggest you do the same. Good luck.

Beth
3 years ago

Hi, Adam! I really appreciate your advice. I’m closer to 60 than I would like to admit, back out in the dating world following a divorce. I’ve been paying attention and what it’s gotten me is an amazing boyfriend who adores me. No, ladies, men in their 50s are not exempt from bad behavior like ghosting. Men are men are men. We met online, started dating in January and we’re getting closer every day. He frequently travels and I sent him emails every day, not about what I did with my day, but telling him about me, what moves me,… Read more »

Amy
3 years ago

My recent dating experiences have all ended with being ghosted. These are supposedly mature men in their 50’s, mostly divorced, and they start by pursuing me. We go out on several dates, are having what seems to be to be a good time with lots of conversation and things in common and then nothing. They disappear, never to be heard from again. I’m an independent woman and don’t give the impression that I am husband hunting, I just want to meet a decent person who enjoys living life and not sitting on the couch all the time. Someone to go… Read more »

3 years ago

Communication has become a thing of the past now in this present day, we are all so disposable with technology, everyone has feeling’s and emotions yet we don’t consider theirs and it’s just easier for others to cut ties as if nothing happened. I woke up to being blocked again on my whatsapp app by someone who is important to me, whether he’s in my life or not but to wake up being blocked without an explanation is cruel. I am aware that this guy is emotionally unavailable and pretty much an a**hole but I came to terms with that… Read more »

Marta
3 years ago

Hi there! I’ve been ghosted, and I have to admit that back in the day I have also practiced the fade out on certain people. It’s so dehumanizing though, and it’s not *that* much harder to shoot out a “sorry I’m not feeling it” message if you don’t feel like making the phone call. There’s a great Garfunkel and Oats song called The Fade Away, I think, and seriously, we all need to stop doing that and grow some principles. Treat people like people, not fictions put around us for our entertainment. Last time I was ghosted really got into… Read more »

Sarah
3 years ago

Hi Adam

I reached out to a guy, a year after he kinda dissapeared, because I wasn’t really open to him (emotionally). Now it’s kinda difficult to talk to him because I’ve got a feeling that he is shocked by my reaching out. What should I do?

Carly
3 years ago

Ladies hate to tell you but all men do this even into their 50’s and beyond! This has unfortunately become the norm nowadays. My current love is fearful of love for many reasons and is emotionally unavailable although a work in progress. Think of him as an abused pitbull or feral cat that just wants to be loved. We have been on and off, currently on for almost two years. I have learned to be patient and sexy confident, taking Adam’s advice, and it has worked. He doesn’t want someone else, he is just scared and I’ve learned to give… Read more »

Claire
2 years ago
Reply to  Carly

How do you know that he’s into you when he disappears ? I have this guy who has been dropping hints of being into me and I’ve been ignoring him slightly and just being casual about it and not taking him seriously until one day he was super honest and was all over me and said maybe he’d like to marry me in the future and it freaked me out so I think I was sort of blunt and kinda rejected him but then we talked about it some more and I told him that I need to know him… Read more »

Jen
3 years ago

Sadly it’s not just men in their 20’s who do this…it happens with guys in their 40s too!

Ani
2 years ago

Hello, I’m Ani, 43, and I was just ghosted last night in the most unimaginable way. I met R. on Match. He was hilarious, appeared stable, and pursued me. While we dated, I confided in him that I always had my heart ripped out by previous men I was with, and I wanted something solid and lasting. He told me he’d never do that. Fast forward…we were dating and sex came into the picture. I thought the chemistry was good. He told me that he hasn’t been this happy in a long time. I felt confident that he was the… Read more »

Ani
2 years ago

Hello, I’m 43, and I was just ghosted last night in the most unimaginable way. I met R. on Match. He was hilarious, appeared stable, and pursued me. While we dated, I confided in him that I always had my heart ripped out by previous men I was with, and I wanted something solid and lasting. He told me he’d never do that. Fast forward…we were dating and sex came into the picture. I thought the chemistry was good. He told me that he hasn’t been this happy in a long time. I felt confident that he was the one.… Read more »

2 years ago
Reply to  Ani

This guy or coward i should say is a total jerk! He obviously doesn’t care about your feelings . I would of been pissed too you had a right to be . Sad thing is guys like this are a dime a dozen , they present themselves wearing a mask to impress the lady and because he knows she wouldn’t give him the time of day knowing his true persona . it’s a cowardly and sick way to get a woman’s admiration . Don’t accept any excuse from him for ghosting you and then making matters worse by ignoring you… Read more »

Anonymous
2 years ago

I’ve very recently been ghosted, bizarre situation, we met on a weekend away and just clicked, then went to a party and was having loads fun as friends and with friends and then we ended up dancing and got to a point where we both wanted to kiss and held off doing so and then we did! Afterwards, Funny thing though, we even talked about people who ‘ghost’ and he was like, that’s seriously cowardly. He took my number and didn’t push me to do anything else other than kiss – I said I wouldn’t anyway and he has been… Read more »

Lisa
2 years ago

What about when you might have said something to scare them away? I met a guy on tinder, he told me outright that he really liked me – would always tell me every day and complement me. We got along really well, consistantly messaged me and and acted like he liked me too…always kept his weekends free for me. But then I saw that his tinder profile picture had changed, when I asked him about it he said he doesn’t know how. I told him it’s fine for him to be on tinder, as it was early days, but not… Read more »

Lisa
2 years ago
Reply to  Lisa

Also need to add, that I ended it because I felt like he was going to fade me out. That was my reason, but I don’t know how he interpreted that as I did say my head wasn’t in it.

Would being the on to end it make him want me back?

P.s please ignore all my terrible spelling mistakes haha whoops

Nicole
2 years ago

I started talking to this guy on Ok Cupid. I had liked him 3 months prior but he had disabled his account, but now he was back on. So I messaged him and he replied. We talked about music and shared our similar interests. He even said we should make playlists for each other for when we met. Super funny, super charming, the whole nine yards. We work in the same industry, but in separate jobs. We both found each other very attractive, and there was a spark. So much interest, effortlessly written poetry back and forth. We were excited… Read more »

Jenea
2 years ago

Hello. I just had this happen. 6 months ago my ex bf of 1 year ghosted me. I came home to everything gone and blocked on everything. Then I started seeing this guy couple weeks ago, said he wanted something serious not temporary. I started falling. We spend every weekend together. He texted me all day every day. To the other day, ignored for 7+ hrs, and when I addressed it “I am not ignoring you I just dont see why we have to message all the time” and “Not your fault you didnt know I hate texting and calls”.… Read more »

Kelvin
2 years ago

I have this they are family friends, I had acrush on Him but renctly he hit on and I played hard to get so he backed off but I really like him what should I do

2 years ago

I recently met a guy at a pub, and he seemed to show interest in me. Like, really keen. He asked me to go on a date with him. Then later on he asked one of my friends for my number and we had a date the next day. He was showing so much interest. “I couldn’t believe my luck when you agreed to go out with me”. And just complimenting me, talking about future dates, holding my hand, kissing me. He would stop me in the street and kiss me. He told me on the date that he doesn’t… Read more »

2 years ago
Reply to  Kate

Kate, this sounds so like my guy his names not Jamie is it?
I won’t bore anyone with my details, same as everyone on here he obviously didn’t like me enough, but for a man in his 40s to ghost it’s immature they are the ones with the issues not us.

Aaliyah
1 year ago
Reply to  Tracey

A guy ghosted on me also which was severely immature he allowed to me ordered a bunch of things off the menu constantly staring at me and complimenting me and I decided to asked him while we was on the date how did he feel about it he smiled and claimed he was having a wonderful time and that I was so beautiful to him and even mentioned after we eat could we go to the movies but I declined the movie because I still wanted to feel him out and felt that we could do a movie for the… Read more »

hay
1 year ago

i met this guy who works at the park, he fed my dog i thought he was kinda flirting, so after a few times i initiated conversation and he talked a bit then sais he better get back to work…..yet i see him talking to other guys there and doesnt seem too busy then and now it feels like hes avoiding me completely ……

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