He Acted Like He Was Interested. Now He Disappeared. Find Out Why.
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He acted like he was interested.
You were sure he was.
You went on one, two, or maybe even four dates and things seemed to be going really well…
You’ve been sharing appetizers and bar hopping across town…
Maybe you even have an inside joke or a special song…
He’s been texting every day…
But then, without warning, he’s gone.
Never to be heard from again.
What the BLEEP happened???
Before you start blaming yourself (and I know you’re trying to right now), let me just say: you are not the reason he acted like he was interested and then ghosted.
Seriously. It’s not you. It’s him.
You don’t really know this guy all that well. He may have different goals when it comes to dating. He might be scared of opening up and falling for you.
Heck, he might just be a jerk.
But what if you could know ahead of time that a guy was likely to disappear into the sunset? What if you could prevent this heartache from ever happening again?
It turns out there are some telltale signs that can help you predict when he’s going to ghost you. And guess who’s ready to share them with you?
If you’re tired of worrying about whether you’ll ever get a reply to your last text…
… or if you’re desperate to know how to identify the ghost before you start being haunted…
Check out this video to learn why he acted like he was interested…and then ghosted… and what you can do about it. It’s like having a dating crystal ball (without having to wear the weird headscarf)!
In it, you’ll learn exactly how to transition any casual situation into a loving, committed one.
Summary: Why He Acted Like He Was Interested…Then Vanished into Thin Air
So, why do guys disappear when things are going great?
The reasons vary as much as men’s personalities do, but one thing is certain: he’s doing you a favor. Whatever the reason he acted like he was interested and then did a runner, he’s not the guy for you.
He’s just saving you time in figuring that out.
Now, that doesn’t make it any easier to swallow. When a guy ghosts, it’s bruising to your ego, for sure. And you’ll want to get to the bottom of why he disappeared. But you can’t resurrect a ghost. Nor should you want to.
His phone didn’t die (for five days).
He’s not in the hospital.
He didn’t lose your number.
He wasn’t that swamped at work all week.
This guy is done with you. You may never find out why. So let it go. You will only waste valuable energy trying to determine what you did wrong (nothing) and why he vanished into thin air (because he sucks).
But for next time, look out for a few of these common scenarios of why he might act like he’s interested but then exit stage left.
1. He’s Dating For Sport
I don’t understand, Adam. I was dating this really great guy. He pursued me…then disappeared. What gives?
Uggg. It’s the worst to find out — after you’ve started to like a guy — that he’s dating because it’s his hobby and he has very little interest in pursuing anything more serious.
He doesn’t really want a real relationship.
So why did he bother going out with you in the first place? Then he acted like he was interested and moved on his merry little way.
Some men want to go out with as many women as possible. They might not be looking for love, but they do enjoy the company of women…sexual and otherwise. They like going out for a nice meal or drink with a lovely lady.
There’s nothing wrong with that.
And also: people are getting married later. Studies show that 33% of couples marry past the age of 27, and many don’t get married at all.
So that means a lot of people, especially in their late 20s, are not dating with any serious intentions. When a man disappears without an explanation, it may be because he doesn’t want to take it any further than a few dates.
What You Can Do About It
If you are looking for a serious relationship, the best thing you can do early on with a new suitor is to get an idea of his dating history. Gently prod into how many serious relationships he’s had, how long they lasted, and what was the cause of the end of them.
This is murky water to wade into, so proceed with this conversation when it feels natural. Avoid peppering him with too many questions. Instead, make it a conversation, where you share a bit about your own past relationships as well.
And make it clear from the start that you’re looking for a potential long-term partner. If you’re dating online, mention it in your profile so you filter out guys who only want a one-night stand.
Just because he’s dating casually doesn’t mean that you need to stop seeing him. It just means that you want to be very aware of what his goals in terms of dating are, and don’t invest too much energy and emotion in him unless he starts investing it in you.
2. You Were Just Incompatible
The reality of dating and finding love is that the vast majority of the men you meet won’t be right for you. And sometimes you’ll meet someone that you really like but they’re not interested in you. Incompatibility happens.
So if he acted like he was interested and then disappears, it might be because he’s realized that the two of you don’t belong together.
He might ghost because he doesn’t want to face the music and come clean that you’re not right for him (and vice versa). It takes balls to have that conversation.
Or he might not feel like you’ve been dating long enough to really warrant a legit break up. Maybe he thinks if you’ve only gone out once or twice, he doesn’t owe you an explanation.
Sure, it would be common courtesy, but ya know…not everybody is brave enough to tell a woman he’s not feeling it.
Sometimes this happens in life and in dating. It’s part of the process. Think about it: if you’re looking for The One, that indicates that there are lots of others who are not the one! If it were easy to find the one true love of your life, I would be out of a job!
What You Can Do About It
But seriously: the worst thing you can do if he acted like he was interested and then disappeared because you two weren’t compatible is give up. Or insist that this man was right for you when clearly he wasn’t.
You can’t force compatibility. You either fit with another person, or you don’t. No amount of wanting it to work out will make it work out.
The best thing you can do is take that time to heal, pick yourself back up, and then get back out there! You’ll find that person who you are compatible with, and this guy will pursue you until the cows come home.
3. The Relationship Was Founded On Superficial Reasons
You: OMG! This guy is absolutely my soulmate. We are meant to be together.
Your BFF: What’s his last name?
If you meet a guy and sparks are flying everywhere but you know nothing about him except the fact that he’s tall, handsome, and drives a Ferrari, I guarantee that this is going to be a short-term relationship.
How do I know?
Because you’re focusing on short-term attributes.
It takes time to get to know a person. If you’ve been in a long-term relationship or marriage before, think about all the million insignificant details that you knew about your partner.
He had a lingering fear of the dark left over from childhood.
He hated his food touching.
He broke his arm in a football game in high school and now holds it funny.
These may be small details, but they make up the fabric of a relationship. You can’t know a guy this well within a matter of weeks or months…or maybe even years. It takes time.
Don’t rush into deciding that he’s the one for you without knowing more about him, or you might be left wondering why he doesn’t call anymore. Maybe he realized that you were putting too much into this potential relationship, and he saw that it wasn’t going anywhere.
Either that or after all those hot, passionate flames died down, the two of you were left staring at each other with nothing to say. He acted like he was interested initially because he was…but once he realized the two of you had nothing in common besides sheer animal attraction, he took the first train outta town.
What You Can Do About It
So give it a little time for you two to get to know each other. Passion is important in a relationship, but there’s a thin line between passion and lust.
You can have passion if you also get to know each other and having things in common. You aren’t left with nothing to say to one another outside of the bedroom.
Don’t rush the getting-to-know-you phase, either. It’s the best part. Those late-night phone conversations and prolonged dates lay the foundation for a solid, long-lasting relationship, and it’ll be one that he’ll want to stick around to develop with you.
And if he doesn’t call anymore? Dig into what you really knew about one another. I’m betting it wasn’t enough to support a true relationship
4. He Acted Like He Was Interested Then Ghosted Because You Showed No Interest in Him
Us guys, we just need a little bit of reassurance that you’re into us. For every 100 articles of dating advice for women out there telling you to play hard to get, there’s maybe one article telling you to be authentic and open about the way that you feel about a guy.
So if you’ve been a little aloof about your feelings, the reason he doesn’t call anymore may be because he assumed you weren’t into him.
The strategies I teach at Sexy Confidence are very different than some of the bullshit advice you’ll find on other dating advice sites.
Don’t play hard to get.
Be hard to get because you have an amazing life that keeps you busy and fulfilled, and certainly don’t waste all of your energy on a guy that you barely know. But here’s where you might need to change your current approach: as a guy invests more of his time, resources, and energy into you, you have to reciprocate!
You need to be vulnerable and willing to share with him that you think he’s an amazing guy. Opening up and sharing those feelings with him is going to make you feel so much more connected to one another, and he’ll be secure in knowing how you feel about him.
Once he’s sure of your feelings for him, he can then decide if he’s ready to take it to the next level with you and become your boyfriend.
What You Can Do About It
So take a look at how you treat the guy you’re with. Maybe you’ve been burned in the past, and have built a tower around you, making it difficult to communicate how you feel about him because you’re scared of getting hurt again.
That’s perfectly normal, but if you are serious about finding love, you will have to learn to be vulnerable again and let him into your heart. Start small. Just tell him how wonderful he is, or how much you enjoy spending time together. Be the first one to text, call, or make plans next time.
These tiny moves can have a major impact when they show your guy that you care.
Editor’s note: Ready to attract love with a proven strategy? Watch this free video to learn the 7 powerful steps
If the guy you’ve been dating suddenly evaporates after he acted like he was interested, don’t let it get you down. You ought to write him a thank you note!
With so many men out there, the less time you spend on the wrong ones, the more time you have to dedicate to finding the right one. It can be easy to take it personally when a man ghosts, but you’ll need to develop thicker skin to survive the dating world.
Trust me: most men are not thinking of your feelings when they disappear. They’re trying to avoid drama, and in their minds, you’ll be a teary mess if they tell you that they just didn’t feel that spark or that they weren’t ready to get serious.
Now, I know you wouldn’t fall apart if the guy had that conversation with you, and that you’d at least be relieved to know the reason he was walking away.
But humans avoid conflict — real or imagined — whenever possible. If he imagines that being honest and open with you will cause conflict, you better bet he’ll opt for the ghosting option.
But do not be disheartened, Dear Lady. Not all guys are cowards. You will meet one who will make you wonder why you wasted even a second on every other man you ever dated. All it takes is patience.
Question: When should people who met online take down their profiles? How should you approach the subject with men? Should you move on if he keeps his profile up after you have been dating him for several months?
I took my profile down when he asked me to do so. That would be the day he said we’re exclusive. Having said that, his profile is still up, but I don’t care. First, he can be forgetful because he’s so busy. Second, he never goes to the site, so it’s just there. Finally, he lets me know that I’m extremely important to him, so I’m very secure in the relationship. I don’t nag him about the profile because that would cause issues where there really aren’t any right now. Did I mention that he never goes to the site?… Read more »
That sounds a lot like denial and unfair but… do you lady.
No. It sounds like a woman who is mature and confident in her relationship.
No, it sounds like a woman that’s afraid to stir the pot and upset this guy that sounds to me to be a creep! I’ve been there, made every excuse in the book about why he ignored my text and then said he lost his phone, had a double profile on the dating site when we first met with another name! I let it go and laughed it off, then he said we were exclusive so I took my profile down but then he told me he was married but wasn’t in love anymore! Uughh!! This guy was a liar!!… Read more »
It’s an immature way of ending a dating sequence, or even a string of getting-to-know-you conversations. Adult men and women need to learn to say, I’m sorry, but the relationship or friendship isn’t working out. Maybe the other person will agree and feel relieved. Sometimes we hang on to a relationship even though we know deep down it’s not a good thing. Let go, but don’t hurt someone in the process, unless it’s an abusive situation, then RUN!
I agree with everything but what about the guy who chooses fear over love. Sometimes it seems things are going great but he freaks out after that incredible date where you know there’s a connection.
I think sometimes they think they’re not good enough for you, or there is something they are not telling you that if you knew – you may think the same thing. They may be dating for sport, as well. So that great date, is in their playbook. It can be for amusement. the key is long term dating / friending without emotional investment until THEY start emotionally investing. I’ve always said the man needs to want the woman more!! Once the man is in (like marriage), they won’t leave too easily. It’s actually the women that does the leaving, most… Read more »
Hi Adam Very happy to have come across your site . You are definatly refreshing open and honest and very helpful with your knowledge and advice …. thank you . Iam dating in my 40 ‘s Good times ?? Umm no Lol !! I was dating a guy for a year in his 40’s never married no kids . Very well established with his career , friends and family . His life is actually pretty great, I loved that he was independent, hard working , traveled and was “living the life “. Iam a single mom of one Separated for… Read more »
“40’s never married no kids” That’s a HUGE red flag these days. What is his birth order? The last born males are usually most problematic when it comes to being responsible and doing the right thing. I leanred not to say, “if you want to”… It’s too open. You have to give a deadline and then be ready to get over him, at that point – if he doesn’t meet it. One year in is way too long for him to be saying I love you. There are different kinds of I love you. I love you. I love you… Read more »
I do not want to hear the words “I love you” until the man will follow right after with “Will you marry me?” Also, I won’t kiss until the Nuptial Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.
Why is that a huge red flag?
Ghosting is another variation of treating someone badly. It’s not ok to Ghost. If someone Ghosts you, be glad they showed you their low standards so early on & look forward to meeting someone new with integrity & respect for your feelings. I have been ghosted. It hurts the first few times but hurts less over time, to the point where it no longer hurts. Adam’s advice not to invest in a man before you see him investing in you, pretty much removes the pain of Ghosting because you haven’t shared your heart with a man whose standards you don’t… Read more »
Went on a few dates with a guy I met on a dating website. Met for coffee, went out for dinner, he acted very interested. Wanted to go out other nights too, but I was already busy. He asked me to go to a Celtics game, he was going to pick me up at my house and never showed up. I texted him half an hour after he was supposed to pick me up “everything okay?” No answer. I was shocked he stood me up, and I was even more upset he knew my address. He looked at my online… Read more »
I am an older woman, dating, and I have been ghosted upon! It is not just the young guys. Do they ever grow-up?! I don’t think so-LOL- I was involved with a man, and I agree with Adam, that I believe its fear of love as he has been a bachelor and fear of losing it. We broke up off and on, months here and there. He pushed me away, then I him, etc. The pattern I saw in him was because I wanted a “relationship” and a “commitment” he always felt that from me even when I never asked… Read more »
I think ghosting is really immature. In my opinion, if a guy does this he is NOT mature enough to give you what you need in a relationship, as he doesn’t know who to handle confrontation, or at least be kind enough to let you know he doesn’t think it’s working out. Wouldn’t you agree Adam?
I agree,,,it’s true what they say,,,Men are from Mars,women from Venus..They need to grow up and day exactly what they want
Just say what is on your mind and don’t hang people up or waste their time. You can be honest in a nice way. What they are probably doing is trying to keep you on the back burner in case the other one doesn’t work out.
Hi, I’ve been ghosted a few times by the same guy and it is frustrating. He was pursuing me big time then it stopped and I was pursuing him as well. We had been talking since early this year, then met up to finally see each other, then had an official date as he called it and he said he wanted us to continue to date so that we could know each other before we did anything else. We are both very attracted to each other we kissed and it could have gone further but we wanted to do things… Read more »
This has happened to me with a man. I’m ignoring the guy. I suggest you do the same. Good luck.
Hi, Adam! I really appreciate your advice. I’m closer to 60 than I would like to admit, back out in the dating world following a divorce. I’ve been paying attention and what it’s gotten me is an amazing boyfriend who adores me. No, ladies, men in their 50s are not exempt from bad behavior like ghosting. Men are men are men. We met online, started dating in January and we’re getting closer every day. He frequently travels and I sent him emails every day, not about what I did with my day, but telling him about me, what moves me,… Read more »
My recent dating experiences have all ended with being ghosted. These are supposedly mature men in their 50’s, mostly divorced, and they start by pursuing me. We go out on several dates, are having what seems to be to be a good time with lots of conversation and things in common and then nothing. They disappear, never to be heard from again. I’m an independent woman and don’t give the impression that I am husband hunting, I just want to meet a decent person who enjoys living life and not sitting on the couch all the time. Someone to go… Read more »
Communication has become a thing of the past now in this present day, we are all so disposable with technology, everyone has feeling’s and emotions yet we don’t consider theirs and it’s just easier for others to cut ties as if nothing happened. I woke up to being blocked again on my whatsapp app by someone who is important to me, whether he’s in my life or not but to wake up being blocked without an explanation is cruel. I am aware that this guy is emotionally unavailable and pretty much an a**hole but I came to terms with that… Read more »
Hi there! I’ve been ghosted, and I have to admit that back in the day I have also practiced the fade out on certain people. It’s so dehumanizing though, and it’s not *that* much harder to shoot out a “sorry I’m not feeling it” message if you don’t feel like making the phone call. There’s a great Garfunkel and Oats song called The Fade Away, I think, and seriously, we all need to stop doing that and grow some principles. Treat people like people, not fictions put around us for our entertainment. Last time I was ghosted really got into… Read more »
I reached out to a guy, a year after he kinda dissapeared, because I wasn’t really open to him (emotionally). Now it’s kinda difficult to talk to him because I’ve got a feeling that he is shocked by my reaching out. What should I do?
Ladies hate to tell you but all men do this even into their 50’s and beyond! This has unfortunately become the norm nowadays. My current love is fearful of love for many reasons and is emotionally unavailable although a work in progress. Think of him as an abused pitbull or feral cat that just wants to be loved. We have been on and off, currently on for almost two years. I have learned to be patient and sexy confident, taking Adam’s advice, and it has worked. He doesn’t want someone else, he is just scared and I’ve learned to give… Read more »
How do you know that he’s into you when he disappears ? I have this guy who has been dropping hints of being into me and I’ve been ignoring him slightly and just being casual about it and not taking him seriously until one day he was super honest and was all over me and said maybe he’d like to marry me in the future and it freaked me out so I think I was sort of blunt and kinda rejected him but then we talked about it some more and I told him that I need to know him… Read more »
Sadly it’s not just men in their 20’s who do this…it happens with guys in their 40s too!
Hello, I’m Ani, 43, and I was just ghosted last night in the most unimaginable way. I met R. on Match. He was hilarious, appeared stable, and pursued me. While we dated, I confided in him that I always had my heart ripped out by previous men I was with, and I wanted something solid and lasting. He told me he’d never do that. Fast forward…we were dating and sex came into the picture. I thought the chemistry was good. He told me that he hasn’t been this happy in a long time. I felt confident that he was the… Read more »
Hello, I’m 43, and I was just ghosted last night in the most unimaginable way. I met R. on Match. He was hilarious, appeared stable, and pursued me. While we dated, I confided in him that I always had my heart ripped out by previous men I was with, and I wanted something solid and lasting. He told me he’d never do that. Fast forward…we were dating and sex came into the picture. I thought the chemistry was good. He told me that he hasn’t been this happy in a long time. I felt confident that he was the one.… Read more »
This guy or coward i should say is a total jerk! He obviously doesn’t care about your feelings . I would of been pissed too you had a right to be . Sad thing is guys like this are a dime a dozen , they present themselves wearing a mask to impress the lady and because he knows she wouldn’t give him the time of day knowing his true persona . it’s a cowardly and sick way to get a woman’s admiration . Don’t accept any excuse from him for ghosting you and then making matters worse by ignoring you… Read more »
I’ve very recently been ghosted, bizarre situation, we met on a weekend away and just clicked, then went to a party and was having loads fun as friends and with friends and then we ended up dancing and got to a point where we both wanted to kiss and held off doing so and then we did! Afterwards, Funny thing though, we even talked about people who ‘ghost’ and he was like, that’s seriously cowardly. He took my number and didn’t push me to do anything else other than kiss – I said I wouldn’t anyway and he has been… Read more »
What about when you might have said something to scare them away? I met a guy on tinder, he told me outright that he really liked me – would always tell me every day and complement me. We got along really well, consistantly messaged me and and acted like he liked me too…always kept his weekends free for me. But then I saw that his tinder profile picture had changed, when I asked him about it he said he doesn’t know how. I told him it’s fine for him to be on tinder, as it was early days, but not… Read more »
Also need to add, that I ended it because I felt like he was going to fade me out. That was my reason, but I don’t know how he interpreted that as I did say my head wasn’t in it.
Would being the on to end it make him want me back?
P.s please ignore all my terrible spelling mistakes haha whoops
I started talking to this guy on Ok Cupid. I had liked him 3 months prior but he had disabled his account, but now he was back on. So I messaged him and he replied. We talked about music and shared our similar interests. He even said we should make playlists for each other for when we met. Super funny, super charming, the whole nine yards. We work in the same industry, but in separate jobs. We both found each other very attractive, and there was a spark. So much interest, effortlessly written poetry back and forth. We were excited… Read more »
Hello. I just had this happen. 6 months ago my ex bf of 1 year ghosted me. I came home to everything gone and blocked on everything. Then I started seeing this guy couple weeks ago, said he wanted something serious not temporary. I started falling. We spend every weekend together. He texted me all day every day. To the other day, ignored for 7+ hrs, and when I addressed it “I am not ignoring you I just dont see why we have to message all the time” and “Not your fault you didnt know I hate texting and calls”.… Read more »
I have this they are family friends, I had acrush on Him but renctly he hit on and I played hard to get so he backed off but I really like him what should I do
I recently met a guy at a pub, and he seemed to show interest in me. Like, really keen. He asked me to go on a date with him. Then later on he asked one of my friends for my number and we had a date the next day. He was showing so much interest. “I couldn’t believe my luck when you agreed to go out with me”. And just complimenting me, talking about future dates, holding my hand, kissing me. He would stop me in the street and kiss me. He told me on the date that he doesn’t… Read more »
Kate, this sounds so like my guy his names not Jamie is it?
I won’t bore anyone with my details, same as everyone on here he obviously didn’t like me enough, but for a man in his 40s to ghost it’s immature they are the ones with the issues not us.
A guy ghosted on me also which was severely immature he allowed to me ordered a bunch of things off the menu constantly staring at me and complimenting me and I decided to asked him while we was on the date how did he feel about it he smiled and claimed he was having a wonderful time and that I was so beautiful to him and even mentioned after we eat could we go to the movies but I declined the movie because I still wanted to feel him out and felt that we could do a movie for the… Read more »
i met this guy who works at the park, he fed my dog i thought he was kinda flirting, so after a few times i initiated conversation and he talked a bit then sais he better get back to work…..yet i see him talking to other guys there and doesnt seem too busy then and now it feels like hes avoiding me completely ……
Question: I was seeing this guy for more than 2 weeks but we had been texting constantly for more than a month and even the night before he told me he doesn’t want to see me, he made plans with me for a date? I don’t understand what changed suddenly overnight and he texted me the next morning that he doesn’t want to see me anymore?
I feel like I am living through the hardest years of my life and I am 26. I had a fiancé who basically emotionally cheated on me our entire relationship (3) years. We got engaged then I finally left after I had enough and resented him. I found someone else who I’ve been with on and off for four years now because he can’t commit. He is my best friend and we have the deepest connection but I am on a roller coaster of emotions. This past week he tells me to move on after two weeks of low communication.… Read more »
I’m 60, divorced for 20 years, and just started online dating. This one guy, a widower, found me and sent a message of interest. After a few chats on the portal, he asked if there was another way to get in contact. I sent him my email address and told him I would give him more contact info from there. So, he emailed my direct address. I responded by giving him a bio about me — my family background, where I’m from, that I have 2 grown children. I told him that if he wanted to reach me further, he… Read more »
Men are assholes. Enough said.
Maybe it’s you who brings out the worst in him.
Gotta be honest for me it’s always reason no4 – You will have a great time with girls then gradually they will begin to act cold and aloof.
It’s a complete interest killer for me personally and a lot of guys because it doesn’t feel as if things are progressing naturally, it’s like the girl is following some script they read in some womens magazine.
I pretty much always cut contact the instant any disinterest is shown, because in my experience girls who really like you aren’t going to waste your time.
Hello I was seeing that guy for few weeks. Everything was perfect.Then he got mean,cold,distant.We stopped seeing each other.He still was texting me here and there.Kept saying he miss me or when he can seem me but it waa empty words…so finally he told me we moved to fast with relationship.Not fair becuase he was the one who wanted see me every day,took me away he was just obsessed then he switched on me in one evening wr had a little argument which I believe he caused on purpose to just leave and never come back. So like I mentioned… Read more »
He’s not a jerk; he left because it wasn’t going anywhere, she became controlling and arrogant, and it wasn’t fun anymore. His light had gone out and she pretty well blew it out. The women I be known have become so blind to the magic of the romance, that all she brings up are behaviour issues and why I didn’t take the bins out. The beautiful woman we fell in love with is no longer beautiful, just a grumpy, domineering whiner who lets herself go. No more flirting, no chemistry, no more sexy, no more chase. No more hope. They… Read more »