How to Ask a Guy Out: Best 7 Ways To Get Him To Go Out With You

how to ask a guy out

Ask a guy for tips on how to ask a guy out, and he might give the following advice:

Step 1: Walk up to the guy.

Step 2: Say, would you like to go out with me?

But it can’t be that easy…can it?

The older you get the harder it becomes to figure out how to ask a guy outIf you’re in your 30s or 40s, an overwhelming majority of the men you meet are unavailable (62% of Gen Xers are married). The rest, it seems, are gay.

So how are you, a woman who’s had her shares of ups and downs in her romantic history, supposed to figure out the best way to ask a guy out, especially if you’re not even sure he’s an eligible bachelor?

First, Why Should You Ask a Guy Out?

woman and man at gym

Asking a guy out makes you come off as confident and sexy.

You might be thinking to yourself, Adam, I’m a traditional gal. I want the man to ask me out. Convince me why I should go all Sadie Hawkins.

I’m willing to bet that it’s less that you’re a traditional gal and more that you’re afraid of the prospect of walking up to a man you’re attracted to and asking him out…then having him reject you…or even laugh at you. But think about it: why should men be any less afraid?

And with all the female empowerment vibes we’ve been experiencing since the explosion of feminism in the 1970s, there’s simply no excuse for why you can’t take initiative.

The man you have your eye on may very well be interested in you, but with all the #MeToo conversations, he may not want his intentions to be misunderstood. In fact, one in three men worries that their actions may be perceived as sexual harassment. So if he’s afraid you might take his advances the wrong way, he’d rather not take the risk.

Your option? Ask him out yourself! You are a strong woman who should fear nothing.

I’m going to give you a few scenarios that you can use to ask a guy out, but in truth, it doesn’t matter which you use. The most important thing is that you are confident when you do it. Men love confident women and find them sexy, so as long as you have that going for you, you’re golden.

1. Ask Him Out on a Group Date

For most women — especially post-divorce or big relationship — the biggest barrier to figuring out how to ask a guy out is rejection. You may kick ass at work or be known as the outgoing one in your group of friends…

But the idea of having a man turn you down is simply more than you can stand. You just can’t take the confidence reduction.

So this strategy is good if you simply can’t get over that fear of rejection: invite him to go out with you and a group of friends. From the outside, it looks like just a bunch of platonic friends are having a night on the town. And if that’s all he wants — to just be friends — then it’s no harm, no foul. You’ll all go out and have a great time. You might be sad that he doesn’t have romantic feelings for you, but you never know: you might just end up with a cool new friend.

On the other hand, he may accept your invitation and, after spending time with you, realize that there’s a spark between you.

Either way, you win. And rejection is minimal. Maybe next time you’ll have gained the confidence to ask him out one-on-one!

2. Ask Him for Coffee

coffee date

How to ask a guy out: start with coffee.

Here’s how to ask a guy out while also minimizing the risk of rejection. Coffee is such a safe activity that few people will turn it down if they’re available. If he’s not into you and he makes a big deal of it (er, I don’t like you that way. I’m seeing someone. I’m a celibate monk!) all you have to say is: Jeez. It’s just coffee.

I guarantee he’ll feel like an ass.

Coffee is a low-pressure situation. There’s no giant financial outlay (something he may be sweating), and no alcohol that may dull your senses. And it’s short! If things don’t go well, you’re in and out of there in under an hour. If they go well…well…sip slowly or order another latte.

3. Use the “I’ve Got an Extra Ticket” Trick

Some of these tips for asking a guy out may seem cheesy or like he’ll see right through them, but I’m telling you: they work. That includes the ole I have an extra ticket to this really cool event. Wanna go?

If you’ve seen How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (and of course you have!), you remember that Andie pulls out highly-coveted basketball tickets. Can Benjamin resist? Of course not.

But consider what type of tickets you want to offer. Will he agree to go with you to a Celine Dion concert?

Only if he really really really likes you.

He’ll be more inclined to say yes to accompanying you to a sporting event, beer fest, or concert for a band he likes.

Now, keep in mind that if he can’t or won’t go, you’ll be stuck with two tickets, so make sure it’s something you actually want to go to. And have a backup friend who will go if your plan fails.

4. Leverage Your Mutual Interests

surf date

Find common interests to base your date on.

A guy in your friend circle is as into surfing as you are. This is a fantastic opportunity for you to turn that common hobby into a date. The best way to ask a guy out is to do so in such a natural way that he doesn’t immediately realize you’re asking him on a date.

So I surf every Tuesday at sunrise. I’d love a surf buddy. You in?

There’s a meteor shower tomorrow night that you can see from the top of Mount Franklin. Would you want to hike up with me?

Because he’s into the activity, you’ve got a good chance that he’ll agree to accompany you. And if he can’t make it, he might suggest another day for the same activity.

5. Use a Terrible Pickup Line

This tip will help you master how to ask a guy out in a bar or at a party where you haven’t yet met. You want to engage in conversation, but also want to make a memorable impression.

Guys are known for delivering cheesy pickup lines, so why not turn the tables by giving him one yourself?

Do I know you? Because you look a lot like my next boyfriend.

If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cutecumber.

Nice shirt. Is it made of boyfriend material?

I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I borrow yours?

You’re not aiming for smooth here, but to get a laugh. Getting a guy to laugh breaks the ice and makes it easy to move in for the kill…er, ask him out. It will, at the very least, open the door for an interesting discussion. You two can compare pickup lines and have a few laughs.

6. Buy Him a Drink

couple in bar

Turn the tables: buy HIM a drink!

Here’s another strategy on how to ask a guy out that is traditionally done by the male, but for no good reason.

We’ve all seen episodes of Sex and the City where Carrie and the ladies are given Cosmos sent over from some suave man in the corner who gives a confident head nod when they look his way.

What if you gave that confident head nod as the object of your affections looks up to see who sent him a Bud Light?

It’s not common for women to buy men drinks…which is why this works so well! He’ll be so blown away by the gesture that he will immediately walk over and introduce himself. What happens next, my sexy lady friend, is up to you.

7. Have a Friend Talk to Him for You

Here’s another scenario if you’re in a bar or at a party. Women have been doing this move since junior high, as far as I can tell, but it works.

Have your wing woman go over to the guy you’re eyeing and ask if he’s single. If he is (and straight), she can point you out.

My girlfriend over there keeps making eyes at you, and I’d like her to stop. Can I tell her you’re absolutely not interested? (a little reverse psychology)

My friend over there wants to invite you to our table for a drink. Coming?

If he’s with a table of men, invite them all over. What man would say no to an offer like that?

By the way, “wing woman” is an actual job title. Erin Davis is helping New York City women find love by hiring her to be their wing woman at events, where she helps them meet the men they’re interested in. Future career move for you??

How to Ask a Guy Out Through a Specific Channel

flirty couple at pool

Use the techniques that best fit the channel to ask him out.

In person. Text. Dating app. Each is a potential channel you can use to ask a guy out…but each requires very different strategies. Let’s look at each and which techniques work best.

How to Ask a Guy Out In Person

Most of the techniques apply to the in-person ask-out, but I do have a few more tips on how to ask a guy out in person:

  • Smile, smile, smile! If you portray that you’re having fun (not terrified, which is the truth), it’ll feel contagious, and he’ll have fun too.
  • If you’re not ready to do the big ask, engage in chitchat. It will put you (and him) at ease.
  • Read the situation. What’s his body language telling you? Only ask him out if it seems positive and he seems interested.
  • When you do ask him out, ask for a specific activity or date. Vagueness only complicates things.

How to Ask a Guy Out Via Text

Texting is a challenge because it’s hard to assess attitude and intent. How do you know if he’s really into you through words and emojis?? (By the way, my Love Texting Report will help you drastically step up your flirty text game)

It can be tough to know if a guy is into you via text, so I encourage you to have at least a couple of live phone calls or Facetime so you can better gauge interest. But in general, if he’s being consistent in texting you every day or two and is engaged in the conversation, all signs look good to me to ask him out. Here are more tips on how to ask a guy out over text:

  • Keep it simple. Just say Do you want to try that new brewery with me this weekend and wait. He may not have seen your text yet, so don’t keep blathering after the ask.
  • Strike while the iron is hot. Wait to ask him out when you’re in the middle of a conversation, not out of the blue.
  • Be cute. Try something like Would you like to go out with me? Text Y or N.

How to Ask a Guy Out Via Dating App

Online dating. It’s a necessary evil for many in the dating game. But in the long run, it can really pay off: a recent study shows that couples who meet online not only have more in common, but they also have more satisfaction in their relationships! So hang in there!

Here are a few tips on how to ask a guy out if you met him on a dating app or site.

  • Do it sooner rather than later. If you wait a week or more, the impetus is gone and you likely just have a penpal. Strike early, while the iron is hot!
  • Some apps, like Bumble, require women to make the first move, so men there already expect women to be more assertive than on other apps. Try it!
  • If you get rejected, dust yourself off. Dating apps are a numbers game, so look at every time you ask a guy out as practice for the next yes.

One Final Lesson: Trust Your Gut

I don’t care if you meet a man at a bar.

Get introduced through a friend.

Swipe right on him.

However you meet a dude that you want to go out with, there is one single thing you need to do before trying out any of the above strategies:

Trust your gut.

What does your instinct tell you about this guy? If he’s been in the corner chainsmoking and throwing back PBRs like there’s no tomorrow, I don’t care how “hot” he is. He’s probably not for you. But beyond a superficial assessment of his personality and where he falls on the whole Good Guy/Bad Boy spectrum, also trust your gut on whether the guy is even into you or not.

I know: you get excited when you meet someone interesting, and you start to create all sorts of what-if scenarios.

What if you go out and have a fabulous time?

What if he’s a great kisser?

What if you made beautiful babies together?

Whoa, Nelly. Before you start naming your kids together, take a deep breath and pay attention to his behavior. Is he leaning into you when he talks? Finding an excuse to touch you? Laughing at all your jokes?

Or…

Does he have his arms crossed? Is he looking around the room to see who is more interesting? Does he keep checking his watch?

It’s important that you have a real understanding of what his body language is telling you about how he feels about you. You might want it to be telling you that he’s into you, but you can’t make that be so. If he’s not into you, you can save yourself some embarrassment (see above mention of rejection) by not asking out a guy who only wants to be friends.

Also, some guys prefer to do the asking, and you asking them out will blow their minds. They may not react well. So also pay attention to that vibe. Does he seem like the kind of guy who needs to take charge? Would it be better to wait until he asks you?

So, yea. Trust your gut. It’s sometimes smarter than your heart, and will tell you all you need to know.

Conclusion:

Learning how to ask a guy out will take some practice. You very well may get rejected from time to time. But that’s all part of it. And getting turned down isn’t the end of the world, is it? You don’t know what’s going on in a man’s world that makes him decline your offer to go out. He may not be single. He may be hurting after a breakup. He may be gay. He may be busy. He may not be looking for a relationship right now.

So don’t immediately assume you’re a hideous swamp monster and that this is the reason he said no. Be confident in knowing he wasn’t the right guy for you, and take that rejection in stride. Use the experience as practice. What would you do or say differently next time? What can you learn from the situation?

Maybe next time you wait a little longer before asking him out. Maybe you use that intuition a bit better. Be patient. If the conversation is flowing, use it to get to know each other a little better before you worry about going on a date.

But the feeling when a guy says yes when you ask him out?

Magical.

You’ll feel like you’re on top of the world. Like you are the sexiest, most confident lady in all the land. And you are. So own that. Embrace that feeling — even before you’ve asked him out — so that sexy confidence is exactly what you give off. Because that’s mad appealing.

Share your tips on how to ask a guy out…and your experiences doing so in the comments below!

how to ask a guy out
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Adam LoDolce

Love Strategist

My true passion in life is transforming your love life by giving you specific tools and techniques that you can use to attract long lasting love. I got started when...Read Adam's Story

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1 year ago

he is my teacher.he have all what i want.i am already 27.he know my feelings so he speak to other person and that person hated me.i want him out but i am afraid if he say no.

Chipolo
1 year ago
Reply to  Zunaira Amin

I understand your struggle, I also like my teacher, I want to ask him out for Christmas & new years, but I’m afraid. & he doesn’t know my feelings.

Anisha
1 year ago

I already confessed to the guy once that I like him, but he had a gf. Now he’s single and we HV got pretty close and I think he likes me too, so how should I ask him out?

Mingming
6 months ago
Reply to  Anisha

It’s been a year.. what happened?

1 year ago

Hey, write up was pretty Interesting.

Tammy Paradis
1 year ago

There a guy who’ works at a casino at the tables he’s a manager there and he looks at me and always smiles I don’t sit at the tables I don’t play the tables how can I ask him out because he’s at work and he can’t leave his destination..?

Kat
1 year ago
Reply to  Tammy Paradis

Why don’t you go up to him and ask him when his shift ends? Ask him out for some late night drinks or something.

Tammy Paradis
1 year ago

There a guy at his job he is a manager he works at the tables he’s stuck at his destination and I don’t play at the tables or know how but he always turns around to smile at me. How can I ask him out or give him my name even ..? Thanks!

Melissa Daniels
1 year ago
Reply to  Tammy Paradis

Just go up to him ! Be really sweet, smile allot, and just say hey. Introduce yourself to him, and tell him you go there allot, and really enjoy.
Maybe ask him how he’s doing, or how his day’s going.
Tell him he does a good job at running the place ! (To make him feel special) You got this girl ! <3

Danielle
1 year ago

I just started a new job and there’s a hot guy that works there who was flirting with me ie, mentioning I’m attractive, smiling at me and giving me the googly eyes. I recently found out that he’s in the beginning stages of dating a girl but they are “chillin” according to him. We still have flirtatious conversations and I had been hoping he’d ask me out or at least for my number, but neither have happened….I really want to ask him out but am not sure I should now that I know he’s dating someone. Help!!!

Alice
1 year ago

i’m going to ask him out tonight and finish all the stress i’m carrying.
it’s been more than 6 months that I know this guy. from the first time i saw him, i fell in love with him.
he also acted in some way that he is into me. but it has fluctuations.
sometimes he asks me to leave the university together or to meet every day. on the other hand, he sometimes doesn’t respond to my messages. or replies late. i don’t understand why.
so i am going to end everything tonight. i am tired of being nowhere.

Hannah Reid
1 year ago

I have a huge crush on my best friend, I am afraid to ask him because what if it ruins our friendship

Julianna Lawrence
10 months ago
Reply to  Hannah Reid

Same situation but I’ve known him my whole life

Alice
1 year ago

i did it finally. I asked him to visit a place together. what was his response do you think?
just a smile emoji

what should I do now?

10 months ago
Reply to  Alice

I have a best friend whom I want to date. He doesn’t know my feelings and I’m afraid to say them straight towards his face. A few nights ago I asked him what he would do if we dated and he sent emojis. I’m so scared to ask him out.. me and him are so close and are already going to a dance together. I want to make it official but I’m afraid we will get into a long term relationship, then he just breaks my heart.

Send memes to bring me strength.

You
1 year ago

Ohhh…anyway what happened after that?

1 year ago

I asked a guy to hang out I told him we should hangout and I suggested to go to the park and play basketball and instead he said the movies He let me pick which movie and I picked la llorona I didn’t know which movie to pick so I chose a scary one were going to go today but I really don’t know if he likes me we work together but we are in different rooms taking care of kids and the only thing we say to each other hi and bye and do you want some donuts he… Read more »

Didi
1 year ago

I see him in church all the time with his daughter one time with a girl don’t know if he’s unattached. But I want to leave a note on his car. Idk what to do

Lisa
1 year ago
Reply to  Didi

Hi, I would leave a note, I did this years ago with a man I really fancied at college and we were engaged 10 months later and married. If you don’t you will always wonder what if!

Mika
6 months ago
Reply to  Lisa

I did the note thing in college. I (and the whole class) knew he really liked me. But he ghosted me for days. Then he changed his mind but I was angry. Let’s just say it did not work out. I’m surprised it worked out for you.

1 year ago

What do u do if they say no but you still want to be friends

1 year ago

Found this website looking at the hot guy that works at the coffee shop.

John
1 year ago

Don’t ask us out. If we wanted to date, we’d ask you out. We don’t want to date anyone – playing Russian Roulette is safer. Just go away and leave us alone.

TB
8 months ago
Reply to  John

I would be flattered if a pretty lady asked me out on a date. Are you an angry person?

John
6 months ago
Reply to  TB

No not angry – just smart. Women are dangerous, especially one who is bold enough to ask a guy out. She’s after something, and it won’t end well for you. Don’t even tell her no – just ignore her and walk away.

Ela
11 months ago

I wanna ask my teacher out but i am really scared and i donot know how should i do that
He is amasing and i wanna know about him more
We respect each other and have very formal conversation
I donot know how can i get closer

Mika
6 months ago
Reply to  Ela

*amazing

Scribewoman
10 months ago

So he manages the place where I go for tacos and sometimes find a table to do some writing. We always flirt with each other while I’m there. My idea is to approach the counter and ask if I can get two chicken tacos, a small drink, and his phone number. Too terrified so far!

Abba
9 months ago

I’m married and into a married man. He does like me and we had been out few times but he doesn’t say if he loves me

SASSSY
9 months ago

I am 52, and have been single for the past 2 years. I never thought I would find myself in this position, but hey here I am. There is this guy who has been very friendly where I get my dinner sometimes, and it is he who cooks it. As he is cooking it, we talk a lot and find out things about each other. He has hinted, and has even offered to come around and give me cooking tips, but has then blushed and said no. When he hints like this, I also go shy and pretend and tell… Read more »

Reen
8 months ago

He works at a nearby shopping mall… I’m not sure if I wanna ask him…. Ughhh..

Krystina
3 months ago

i dont know how to ask out my crush even with all these tips

Senovia Rayne Fahle
3 months ago

If I just ask him for coffee what would we talk about?

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Last edited 3 months ago by Hison Hison

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