He Loves Me But Won’t Commit: What To Do If This Happens To You

frustrated female

Vanessa: How are things going with Steve?

You: Oh, I don’t know. He says he loves me…but won’t commit. I don’t know what to do!

Does this sound like a conversation you’ve had with a friend recently about the man in your life? You believe that he loves you, that he’s serious about moving forward with you, and yet he refuses to actually take the next step in committing to you, whether that’s calling himself your boyfriend, moving in together, or even getting married.

It’s good to take your time in a relationship, but you’re getting so frustrated, worried that you’ve invested all this energy into this man, only to be hurt in the end.

I get it. You’re far from the only woman in the world who has told me, Adam, he loves me but won’t commit. What can I do?

That’s why I created this video and this article: to help you decipher the situation, get to the bottom of why he won’t commit and find some resolution.

Your time is valuable, sexy lady. You don’t need to waste time on the wrong guy. That being said, there are sometimes legit reasons why a guy is hesitant to commit, so don’t automatically assume all is lost if he hasn’t put a ring on it just yet.

Enough chitchat. Let’s take a look at what to do when he won’t commit to a relationship.

Your Coach,

 

 

 

PS. While this article will give you some insight into why he won’t commit, my free webinar takes it even further and helps you get what you want: a man who will commit! The best part? It’s totally free…for a limited time. Get Casual to Committed now!

Introduction

man won't commit

If you’re thinking “he loves me but won’t commit”, this article is for you.

The biggest frustration I hear from women who have been divorced or who otherwise are back in the dating game after a brief hiatus is that the dating landscape looks a hell of a lot different than it did when they were in their 20s.

Times have changed, and a lot of women make the mistake of thinking that the old dating rules apply to the 21st century dating scene today.

They don’t.

Nowadays, people — both men and women — are waiting longer and longer to not only settle down or move in together but also to get married and have kids, which can make for an awkward, non-relationship relationship status. It’s messy.

In 2016, we reached the highest median age for a first marriage: 29.5 years for men and 27.4 years for women. Just a few decades ago, people were getting married just out of high school or college. So in general, we’re seeing a delay in people, particularly men, settling down.

Why is that?

Some of it’s financial. People want to be financially secure before they tie the knot. Also, the incidence of couples cohabitating has impacted the number of couples who get married (or don’t). The number of couples who live together has increased 29% since 2007.

But all those numbers aside, this guy won’t commit to you, and you’re struggling to understand why.

Maybe you have a late night booty call and you’ve suddenly realized that you actually like that guy and want more. Or maybe you’re in a full-on relationship with a guy but neither of you will call it a relationship, or even worse, you both love each other clearly and neither will admit it because you’re both afraid of being vulnerable.

Whatever the situation that has led you to say, he loves me but won’t commit,  I want to give you a little advice to help you navigate your concerns.

What to Do When He Won’t Commit to a Relationship Tip #1: Don’t Internalize It

sad woman

Realize that it’s not your fault he won’t commit.

If you’re finding that you’re with a man and it’s clear that you have a great connection and amazing chemistry but he’s clearly not interested in that long-term commitment, you need to realize that it doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s a flaw with you.

Actually, let me say that again: there’s nothing wrong with you.

You don’t know what’s going on in his life that is impacting his decision not to commit to a relationship right now. He may still be healing from a past relationship, and there’s little you can do to make him whole, healed, and ready to commit to you.

He may have started with the intention to date you casually, and now is processing what to do since he’s started to fall for you (and that wasn’t his intention).

This probably won’t help, but the fact is: men can be in love with a woman but not be willing to commit to them. It’s frustrating, but let me say it again: it’s got nothing to do with you.

That being said, you don’t have to settle for this non-committal man. You can find a great man who is willing to commit to you, who will be great for you, and who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I can’t stress this enough.

What to Do When He Won’t Commit to a Relationship Tip #2: Get Real With How You’re Feeling

woman writing in diary

Writing out your feelings can be helpful.

If you started dating someone casually and then started to get feelings for that person, it is okay. It’s normal for feelings to change.  You’re not a robot who can sleep with someone and spend time with him and not want something more.

I ask that rather than you repressing those feelings, get real with them instead.

You have perfectly valid feelings about this. But do you worry about his commitment issues and then say nothing to your man, or worse, tell him that you’re fine with the way things are?

Don’t do that.

You have to be honest with yourself about your true feelings on the subject. You may not be able to change his mind about commitment, but you need to determine what priority commitment takes for you.

Are you willing to wait a few months or years until he comes around?

Are you willing to modify what commitment means to you? For example, if he says he never wants to get married and you do, can you be okay just living together as a way of committing to one another long-term?

Give it time to process your feelings. If it’s early in your relationship, it may be too soon to bring it up. Realize that he may move slower than you in determining that he’s falling in love with you or other signs of commitment, so give him space to work through his own feelings.

What to Do When He Won’t Commit to a Relationship Tip #3: Talk to Him About What’s Going On

couple talking

You may find talking about your concerns fix the issue.

When you’re in this kind of non-relationship relationship and both of you start to get feelings for each other, I think it can be easy for both of you to tiptoe around the elephant in the room. It takes a lot of courage to tell him how you feel and that you want more.

Be fair: if you haven’t discussed the fact that you believe he loves you but won’t commit, how can you expect the situation to improve?

He’s not a mind reader.

And the truth is, he may well be aware of how you feel, but doesn’t want to bring it up. Because, you know, some men don’t like talking about their feelings. Especially if the likelihood that he’s going to make you cry is high.

But still, your feelings are valid (see #2), so you need to bring it up. But don’t talk about it when emotions are high, like in the middle of an argument about something else.

You: You didn’t take out the trash! I told you to take out the trash yesterday!

Him: Sorry about that. I forgot.

You: And by the way, I’m sick and tired of waiting for you to ask me to marry you!

Him: Uh. Whaaa?

The best way to approach this sticky topic is to plan out in advance what you want to say. You want him to know how you feel, and how him committing to you by [insert action here: moving in together, giving you a shelf at his place, getting married] would reassure you that you’re solid as a couple.

Ask why it is that he’s been slow to move and why he won’t commit. As best you can, try to not make it come out as accusatory, but rather inquisitive. You want to understand how he feels about commitment in general, which may involve diving into his past relationships, or even his parents’.

If his parents were divorced when he was young, he may have trouble getting emotionally intimate with you, says the Graduate Journal of Counseling Psychology at Marquette University. And according to research by Glen & Shelton, men whose parents divorced have a 35% higher rate of divorce themselves, which may make him reluctant to go down that path.

Still, you don’t know his reasons for why he won’t commit until you discuss it. You may find that having a dialogue about commitment actually solves the problem. Maybe he didn’t realize how important it was to you, and now that he does, he’s ready to give you what you want.

What to Do When He Won’t Commit to a Relationship Tip #4: Be Willing To Walk Away

couple breaking up

The best thing you can do may be walking away.

I am such a firm believer that you are the greatest protector of your own heart. I know it sounds cheesy, but you need to be the type of person who doesn’t put her heart in situations where it can get hurt.

If you find yourself getting feelings for someone who will never be able to return those feelings or commit the way you want him to, you need to be willing to walk away.

If he’s given you every indication that he won’t commit, even after you expressed your need for commitment, realize:

He’s not going to change his mind.

You can’t change him.

You shouldn’t settle.

It may feel like this guy is truly what you want and need, but if he’s unwilling to bend or compromise one iota, trust me: he’s not for you. You deserve the moon, and you can have it. He is not the moon.

Yes, you’ve invested time in this man. Maybe you’ve even invested years in this non-relationship relationship. But if you keep saying he loves me but won’t commit and nothing’s changing, it’s time to let it go. Move on. Find better.

And he may fight to keep you. After all, he’s been getting what he wants all this time. If you leave, that changes. He may tell you what you want to hear, but ask yourself: do you want to be with a man who only decides to commit to you once he’s afraid of losing you? He had his chance to do right by you, and now that opportunity has passed.

Conclusion:

My mission on Sexy Confidence is to show you that you absolutely can have the love life you want and deserve. If you’re settling for a man who won’t commit, realize that you are selling yourself short. You will not be happy in the long run.

Sure, you might be able to fake it for a few months or years, but when your unhappiness catches up to you, you’ll be sad that you wasted more time trying to pretend that you were okay with the limits he set on your relationship. If you want a man who will gladly call you his girlfriend, then you will find one. If you want a man who will move in with you, he’ll come along. If you want a man who will get on one knee and beg you to spend the rest of your life with him, I assure you: he’s out there.

You just have to be patient. And you have to free yourself from this man, the one who says he loves you but won’t commit.

Because he’s not that guy. He’s just one man on your journey to real and everlasting love. Close the chapter on this one and move forward.

I’d love to hear from you! Have you ever been in this type of a situation, the non-relationship relationship? I’d love to hear your story below or just say yes, I’m struggling with this as well. 

And if you’re ready for more help in finding a man who will commit to you, I encourage you to check out my free Casual to Committed webinar.

frustrated female
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Adam LoDolce

Love Strategist

My true passion in life is transforming your love life by giving you specific tools and techniques that you can use to attract long lasting love. I got started when...Read Adam's Story

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Jill
2 years ago

Unfortunately, yes. Having a hard time letting go, especially when he gives me little glimmers of hope.

Katy
2 years ago
Reply to  Jill

Stringing you along – keeping you in his back pocket where he wants you. Ughhh.

Stephanie
1 year ago
Reply to  Katy

I call it throwing us crumbs … finally had courage to kick my commitment phone to the curb … need to Believe in us first …we deserve better … I give him 1000% … I’m not throwing crumbs … so why should I believe that’s all I deserve in return?
Not… Be strong!

7 months ago
Reply to  Stephanie

Hi, this is my life, I’m currently going through a divorce from my ex and we’ve been separated a long time, anyway I’m with a new bloke now that I’d met at work and in the beginning he was so loving and generous, we’ve been together for nearly 2 years now and he’s took my kids on, he lives with me but he doesnt help me financially all the time and he said that our time for engagements and weddings and a kid together will come one day!! You should probably know that he’s 25 and I’m 33!! Am I… Read more »

Avis
1 year ago
Reply to  Jill

Hi yes going threw this situation right now. And I told this guy I think we should go out separate ways, because I’m told old to be dealing with this . I want to be married you don’t let’s move on, next.

Christina
1 year ago
Reply to  Jill

I have had a dear friend for many years. I love him and he knows it. We go on walks, he takes me out to dinner and to the movies, opens doors for me, and always insists on paying. He tells me I look pretty, and we have sweet hugs at the end of the night. We have long talks on the phone. He is a great listener and encourages me in life. He loves my son, and is very fatherly to him. Like you, he gives me glimpses of hope all the time, but it never progresses to the… Read more »

Chelsea
9 months ago
Reply to  Christina

I hope this isn’t still going on! Sounds so stressful! Has he kissed you? He sounds like he has a complete inability to make a move. Kiss him first and see what happens! What do you have to lose? Anything is better than what you’re going through now. It sounds like you are both shy. He’s not going to change anytime soon which means you have to.

Robin
2 years ago

I recently walked away from some that I have 30yrs of history with. He was my high-school sweetheart we separated reconnected separated reconnected separated reconnect it many times over the course of our adult lives. Our paths have always crossed. A year-and-a-half ago we decided that we would give it a chance. It was up and down round and around. When emotions got involved we separated again. Then we found that we couldn’t stay away from each other. That only lasted a couple of months and then he started to pull away. I just found myself knowing that I was… Read more »

Teri
1 year ago
Reply to  Robin

I have been in a relationship or so I thought for 19 months now. He keeps going back and forward about us being friends and then calling me his girlfriend. He talked about moving in together and then backs away. I know I need to let go but it is so hard because I do truly love him. He will sit there and tell me he loves me but then will talk to other girls. He hasn’t gone out with another girl but still it makes me nervous. I know for myself and my kids I need to walk away.… Read more »

Katy
2 years ago

Spending time together but no relationship = Situationship.

Sabrina Medina
2 years ago

Thank you! I needed this.

Princessca Pillay
2 years ago

thank you for this awesome article. Eternally grateful.

Princessca Pillay
2 years ago

I cannot be more grateful!

lisa
2 years ago

I dated a man who, after 15 months says” I love you” and when things went bad, he said ‘ ivsaid I didn’t want a relationship ” wtf??!! He wasn’t always respect full of me and never took responsibility for any of his actions or words. Now he’s saying he loves me after our split but won’t commit. Help.I’m about to walk!!

2 years ago

I had a relationship similar to this 4 steps and I walked away before it would destroy me, and he wanted to control my life without commitment-( controlling my life I don’t think so) – Last night he called me that I don’t call him anymore, and I do’t see him anymore, and said that is my friend still interested in an item he and I were selling I told him yes she is interest and only owes you 20.00 – ( we have sold merchandise before) – he acted like he was mad about it. Yes this item was… Read more »

Macy Perea
2 years ago

Hello Adam! I am in a situation that I have good feelings about but I need some help clearing things up. I recently have been talking to this guy whom I’m starting to really like. I told him to his face that I liked him and he was super respectful in telling me that he isn’t looking for a girlfriend at the moment. He is starting a new, better job and has goals and doesn’t want any distractions for him and his son. He told me that He wasn’t calling me a distraction at all but he needs to focus… Read more »

StephB
2 years ago
Reply to  Macy Perea

I think that you should run. He is playing you because he knows he has you in his pocket. It’s like he has a hold on you, they play on the things that they know are important to us. Run!!! Watch your back and be careful, he is up to something or you usually do something for him that he doesn’t believe someone else will do for him. Evaluate you situation and make a decision before he suck the life out of you. I am suspecting that you do not have any children so ymhe sees that you want to… Read more »

A
2 years ago
Reply to  Macy Perea

I think it’s ok to see where it goes. He did not want anything before, but he had some space and time (!) to mull it over, so maybe he wants something now, but give him only one chance. If he starts to get hesitant, you do not need to waste your time. Have open communication and say what you want and need (trust/honesty). He is still trying to figure things out? Well, so are you but in order to even explore the possible outcome, you need to know what is going on in his head and heart. You are… Read more »

Michelle
2 years ago
Reply to  Macy Perea

I have a man willing to do anything for me, ANYTHING. He has taken care of me like no one else before in my life, and I was about to get married before him. We even have vows to each other, thru thick and thin. For better or worse. No matter what, we have each other. The sex is amazing the love is perfect, we travel we work. The sweetest touch, the best kisses. I could die in his arms, we’ve been faithful and loving to each other for over a year. He takes me to all his family events,… Read more »

Bunch
11 months ago
Reply to  Macy Perea

You should ask him. What made him change. Did he change because he does want to take a step in the direction of a relationship with you. You can’t ASSume anything. When you do you make an ASS out of yourself. Being true to your feelings will never let you down. But he can. And that will hurt you more especially when in your eyes that person is all you see.

Michaela
2 years ago

I’m going through this right now. I’ve been seeing a man for 4 months and he has given me every indication we were together. He tells me he loves me, he’s met my family, my daughter and even though he travels a lot for work he is so present with me when he’s away calling and FaceTiming me non stop telling me how much he misses me and can’t wait to see me. He told me last night he can’t do a relationship and he’s wanting us to keep things as they are because he has such strong feelings for… Read more »

A
2 years ago
Reply to  Michaela

Talk about your feelings, no pressure but just that for you it is serious, give him couple of months to open up, and if he doesn’t catch on, eventually you would get tired anyway. I get it, he is divorcing, and timing is a bitch, but he is separated right? So, that should not stop him exploring the new relationship with you, you can take things slow but I know that I need to know what goes on in my partner’s head. As long as there is communication and he does not brush me off, and I can trust him,… Read more »

Christie
2 years ago

Hi Adam, Thank you for the great article. I am in the same position. Dated a guy for just over a year. We moved in together after only two months of dating. After a year he left me for his ex and i had to move out. I struggled emotionally as he never broke ties with me. Then after 5 months he left her and we got back together. Now, six months later he has told me that he is not interested in getting married at all ever. Strange because he was actually engaged to his ex and was married… Read more »

Lynai
2 years ago

Hi Adam! Im so confused right now. I am dating or hanging out with someone who taught me a lot of things. I was able to conquer some of my fears because of him. At first we agreed that its only casual dating no expectations. But then i fall in love with him. I told him about what im feeling and he told me he is not ready for commitment because he just broke up with his ex of 6 years. He asked me to decide if i still want to hang out with him because he does not want… Read more »

1 year ago
Reply to  Lynai

Same here. I was hanging out with a guy we met a few times we said not expectations at first but than I felt in love. He has ptsd which lead to trust issues and everything it’s disrespectful to him. I got to the point of texting him like crazy and he wouldn’t respond than suddenly he text I acted cold with him so he was nice with me than I hook again with the texting he promise we will see each other blah blah but he said that he was not ready to see me he just broke up… Read more »

Sandy
2 years ago

I met someone 7 months ago and it was love at first sight, well at least for me. We began hanging out, on the regular, and I was on cloud 9. He could tell I was falling for him so he let me know as nicely as he could that he didn’t want a committed relationship right now. He also informed me that his previous partner just found out she was pregnant. He assured me that they were not an item and said he hoped this news doesn’t affect our “situationship”. I was very hurt by the news but I… Read more »

2 years ago

I’ve been seeing a guy for 5 years – at first, I refused to date him b/c he’ younger. But we were very drawn to each other so finally, I suggested we only date for a year ‘for fun’ b/c I didn’t see a future in it. We had a ton of fun that year and much more – we fell in love and said so. In a fit of love, I suggested we move in together – a few months later he suggested we break up. I was absolutely miserable during our break up. And worse – I really… Read more »

A
2 years ago
Reply to  Louise

Love yourself. I know when there is chemistry, it is hard to move on, especially if an alternative is a nice guy but no chemitry – that would not work either. But, to me, if a guy is indecicive, is a huge turnoff. A guy can be given a second chance, but five is a bit excessive… So, eventually you would get tired and would resent the whole thing anyway, imo. Think of it that way, he is like a bad habit, like hard drugs, hard to quit, but it’s not beautiful…

D
2 years ago

Yep. I am having an almost-relationship.
Was having more fun when I was a full time single 😉

So I’ll go back to basics.

E
2 years ago

My boyfriend of 10 months just broke up with me- we had been on an awesome holiday but he withdrew towards the end and it was hideous. He has struggled with his divorce not being finalised and how to fit ‘us’ in around his daughter with whom his relationship is tied into so much negative emotion from his last relationship. He told me he loved me, on the holiday we were talking about next years’ holiday. Then bam! Nothing. An email to say he needs to get his head straight before being able to have any meaningful relationship and that… Read more »

Diane
1 year ago

Same here. I know how hard it is. All the bad feelings of losing him, loving him, can’t stay and can’t go… It’s horrible. I’m moving countries now, I know it’s extreme but sure helps with the distance. We’ve been on and off for almost three years, even lived together in between. He says I’m ”the love of his life” (yes, for real) but he is “just not there”. I love him more than I should but have to move on, broken heart, start over. It sucks. I wish you all (and myself) good luck and to get over him.… Read more »

Tina
1 year ago

Dated a man for a year never been to his home and didn’t meet the kids. Only met a few family members twice. I met one friend once. He didn’t really make an effort kinda weird in our early 50s for this behavior

Jenny
1 year ago

I’ve been involved with a man off and on for two years. He has never committed. I will break things off with him and he will always find his way back, but still won’t commit. He says he loves me, we’ve met eachothers friends and family and we talk every single day. He even talks about having kids with me and being life partners but he still just won’t commit. He is currently living overseas for work and we continue to talk and communicate everyday as if we were in a relationship. He even gets jealous and territorial if he… Read more »

kayla
1 year ago

i am in a dilemma and my feelings are all over the place right now, my ex and i have been together for 7 months we have had our ups and downs but we managed to pull through, he would always do something to hurt my feelings then when i say i wanna leave find a way to win me back, he says he loves me he says that i not only came into his life i became his life, i told him lets take a breather to fix our issues at first he didnt agree then he understood the… Read more »

Cat
1 year ago

SIGH… I am exactly in this situation right now It’s been almost two years and I have given him many many outs and he would always cry to have me stay and he would fight for us. Just last month his over the top show of affection was crazy I wasn’t sure how to accept it but enjoyed every minute of it. After work one afternoon he asked me over for dinner but I couldn’t as I was nudy with appointments. An hour later I get a call from him…Then BAM . The dreaded conversation. He says he finally had… Read more »

Jackqkue Turner
1 year ago

I truly don’t know what kind of relationship I have. He says he cares. Buys me gifts and extremely kind. Never been intimate. Only been seeing each other4 months. He started out saying he doesn’t want to commit or get married.

Becky Barger
1 year ago

I’ve been in a relationship with a man for 5 months. We are Senior Citizens. He is 66, I am 69. Both divorced. I’ve been single much longer, but he’s been single 5 1/2 years. We started out slow…coffee maybe 3 times in the first 5 weeks; the next month about 3 times for lunch, coffee or out for a drink. Then we started seeing each other more…twice a week on average (we live 40 miles apart). He tells me I’m smart, wise, beautiful inside and out, sexy, he’s overwhelmed by me and has said he never thought he’d find… Read more »

1 year ago
Reply to  Becky Barger

Dear Becky , I’m the same as you. I’m 62 and in a relationship with an older man who is very casual about our relationship. And you know what, I’ve learnt to accept it for the beautiful thing that it is. Every date is special and when we are apart it honours my independence. Find something else to occupy your time when you’re not together and make the most of your dates when they happen. Just enjoy the experience of dating and let things happen naturally XxM

Brittany
1 year ago

I am in a limbo position with my boyfriend (who’s been divorced) of nearly 5 years. After 2 years, I moved to a new city to be with him. We had our ups and downs at first since he did not make me a priority. Day to day, things are great – we have a lot in common, both similar jobs, have a great friendship, great chemistry/passion! He’s always said he’s committed to me. When it came to the future, he was always vague about marriage and kids. I made it clear I moved for him and wanted to know… Read more »

Rin17
1 year ago

Great article. So much helpful.

Not important
1 year ago

I just lost my soulmate because hes not ready to give up on his ex whos engaged…I was the Perfect woman… In every sense…and it still wasnt good enough….

When he says hes not ready for a relationship believe him and dont try and change his mind!Or you will end up like me… Broke… Staying with family and so broken hearted.

Christina
1 year ago

I’ve been dating someone for almost 2 years. He says he wants to move in with me but his anxiety and stress are holding him back. I told him he needed to seek counseling for his anxiety if that was really the reason. I also told him I’d give him a month to figure things out. With no contact. He’s definitely the sweetest guy I’ve ever known and in almost 2 years things couldn’t be better. But I also only see him on the weekends ‍♀️ I just feel like I’m wasting my time. I seriously thought he’d ask me… Read more »

1 year ago

Hi, thanks for this article. I am dating this guy for 3 months, great chemistry, probably the best I ever had in my life. He cares about me and he had acknowledged this in many occasions even though he struggles to get his emotions out. A few nights ago he told me he is confused. Not about his feelings but about getting official. The main reason is that he never had a true relationship before. The only two relationships lasted only a few months and it was because he felt forced to be on it. However, with me, he does… Read more »

Rachel
1 year ago
Reply to  Sofia

I’m in the same boat. Literally the same frustrations. I have a feeling my guy also was burnt in past relationships, and that’s making him reluctant. I feel your pain. I wish I could say to put more pressure, but it doesn’t seem like that would help. He already indicated he’s into you. Let’s roll with that. My friends tell me to be patient, but like you, I am getting super frustrated, especially in the mornings when I wake up and feel bad. So–long story short, I would say give it a few more months, and even talk about a… Read more »

Leah
1 year ago

I have been seeing a guy for a year now, we will call him D. At first it was casual because we were both fresh out of toxic situations. Him a divorce and me a dangerous relarionship. Over the next 9 months we grew closer and he was ready to be official saying he liked the sound of me calling him my boyfriend. My ex broke into my apartment when we were both there and it was bad. Even through all the ups and downs D was there. About a month later I started to pull away because the situation… Read more »

Anne M McCracken
1 year ago

I just ended a relationship with a man that I was with over a year and truly love. We were close to moving in together about 4 months ago and he decided he wasn’t ready. I felt like at this time I needed to find out where the relationship was going. I am 52 and not getting any younger . Don’t want to waste my time . All I asked was to know if he saw any kind of future with me. I told him I am not pressing for marriage just want to know if we have a future.… Read more »

Sophie
1 year ago

I really needed to hear this. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for two and a half years and it’s been a struggle. See I’m a student and about to graduate and get a decent job and he has been living far away with his parents who want to retire. The worse thing about it is that we love each other dearly and when we do see each other (because it’s a long distance relationship) for a day or two it’s so nice. But now I’m going even further away for my grad job, I’d probably have… Read more »

Elle
1 year ago

Four years. He’s given me every stupid excuse on earth…but when I push him for more info, he says he doesn’t know why he can’t move the relationship forward, but he loves me and wants to be with me. But I am not interested in being a part-timer.
Unfortunately, I might need an intervention to walk away from this.

Kathy
1 year ago

I have been on and off with this man for 10 yrs and he’s says he won’t commit until I give him the same respect that a highly attractive guy would get I don’t know what that mean . He had put me through a lot and I just feel like he will never be my one and only I get so tired of him saying he don’t trust me and he live in the real world he sees what goes on I told him I don’t do what other women do it’s just frustrating for me cause I want… Read more »

Ana
1 year ago

I met this guy when I was 21 a baby just starting to love. He ended up cheating on me with his ex like three months into a relationship that I didn’t even want. He was the one that insisted on making it official. I ended up staying because I’m such an idiot. 6 years later he doesn’t want to move in together let alone speak about marriage. We celebrated our 6 year anniversary and no talk about our future plans at all. It’s always been me the one asking and asking about what we’re doing what we’re planning to… Read more »

Anonymous
1 year ago

I met this guy when I was 21 a baby just starting to love. He ended up cheating on me with his ex like three months into a relationship that I didn’t even want. He was the one that insisted on making it official. I ended up staying because I’m such an idiot. 6 years later he doesn’t want to move in together let alone speak about marriage. We celebrated our 6 year anniversary and no talk about our future plans at all. It’s always been me the one asking and asking about what we’re doing what we’re planning to… Read more »

Anonymous
1 year ago

I met this guy when I was 21 a baby just starting to live. He ended up cheating on me with his ex like three months into a relationship that I didn’t even want. He was the one that insisted on making it official. I ended up staying because I’m such an idiot. 6 years later he doesn’t want to move in together let alone speak about marriage. We celebrated our 6 year anniversary and no talk about our future plans at all. It’s always been me the one asking and asking about what we’re doing what we’re planning to… Read more »

Rachel
1 year ago

I’m with a guy that I love, and he loves me. We’ve known each other for a year and a few months, and it’s extremely painful because I’m 34 and he’s 36. It feels like he’s taking forever. So, we decided that we would put a date-September- to discuss the idea of engagement more. For me-engagement is the next step and I want it badly. Not only because it feels right but to be honest, having kids sooner rather than later is better. I can talk to him about this. He is well-aware. The problem is that I’m just so… Read more »

1 year ago

hello we are both dating for two and half years now every thing was going on well untl some people are not my family members started polluting my mums mind and she also start working on us in a bad way i mean voodo doing things that wil seperate us until date but we love each much that we refuse to go seperate ways please help us what should we do,since then we always fight we settled we fight every day more than three times a day.please help us.

Michelle
1 year ago

This is helpful yet i still struggle. I’ve been with my SO for 11 years. I was 24 and he was 32 (he’s sweet and smart and a man-child (also an adult child of an alcoholic which plays a huge part in this.) we have a great bond and love each other. I really wouldn’t leave despite what the article says. We moved in with each other after 3 years ( we both relocated to Nyc). Nyc was too much and i got depression really bad. I demanded we move out its was all too much. Meanwhile, my mom got… Read more »

Alex
1 year ago

6 months in. Elephant in the room. Seen him every weekend at least 2 times sometimes 3- talked a lot on phone. I finally mustered up the courage to let him know that with all the time we spend, yes I caught feelings! He did not even acknowledge my feelings- just said how he has deep wounds and scars from relationships and childhood. So in final I said, okay to summarize; you do not want a relationship shop and want to just blow in the wind? He said ; it’s not that simple ! Feelings are not thoughts! I go… Read more »

Nicole
1 year ago

Ha! This told me absolutely nothing! Ive been with my “s.o” for 10 years. We have 4 children together (the oldest is 8 and the youngest is 2). I can obviously tell he “committed” to a certain extent. And i know hes not a cheater since we have both been down the road (the recieving end) and have talked about it numerous times. Neither of us are the type to cheat. So thats not a concern. Heres the kicker: everytime i broach the subject of marriage he clams up and starts spitting nasty comments and asking why im talking about… Read more »

Rosa
11 months ago

Yes . I am in the same situation .

Sunny
9 months ago

I recently broke it off with someone I was really into for this very reason. It was taking a toll on my emotional and mental well being. I was starting to feel physically unwell and after much consideration I arrived at the conclusion it wasn’t worth overthinking and worrying about. My self esteem is good enough for me to realize it does have nothing to do with me. I don’t need to prove my self worth to anyone. Am I sad? Yes, but it’s okay and I know something better will find me when the time is right.

Sonya Daniels
7 months ago

I am soo close to leaving my non committed partner of 5yrs now. I gave up my life, relocated with my children to be with him and after the first year realised I had made a very big mistake and it still breaks my heart. My job, home , lifestyle is completely dependant on him and I am gradually putting the stepping stones in place to allow me to move on. i save every penny I earn and fingers crossed can look at buying a property very soon. Never undervalue your worth, these men are abusers of your heart.

Majella
7 months ago

I fortunately yes. Sometimes it’s easier to accept reading it than thinking it. I am currently going through this and have been playing tug a war with what decision to make do to trying to end it before and ending back together. We were going on 2 1/2 years now and it’s consuming me more and more. It just seems so hard to actually walk away. Thank ya u for this article it was much needed

Nidhi
4 months ago

It’s hurtful but this is me right now.He cannot commit to me because he says he lost once and couldn’t find that joy inside him ever again.He lost his father,his girlfriend and friends left him.He feels bad for me vale cause he can’t give me what I deserve and expect.We are not talking because he has said me to breakup and move on in my life but this feeling of separation is much more hurtful.He is my best friend and my solace.the very first time I met him it was like a voice said this is the one for you… Read more »

Vivian
3 months ago

We just had a misunderstanding bcos I told him I don’t wanna see him anymore because he doesn’t call or check up on me. I feel it’s only made him more upset. I don’t know what to do

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