How to Find a Husband in 3 Simple Steps Without Looking Desperate
Whether you’ve already been married once (or more) to the wrong husband or whether you are still looking to find a husband for the first time, I’m here to help. But first…
There’s a quote from Jim Rohn that I love:
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
This is very true! The people around us have an incredible impact on our life. They influence our happiness, our decision-making, what we do, why we do it…
It really is the key to success in life to surround ourselves with great people. Take a moment to consider the people you have around you and how they influence you in all aspects of your life.
I’ll take this idea a step further and say: You become the average of the person you marry.
That person, your husband, should help make you your best self. You should continually want to give to them and be a part of a powerful partnership.
That’s why you don’t want to marry the wrong person! It is truly the most important decision you will ever make in your life. So allow me to share three steps to find a husband—the RIGHT husband—for you!
How to Find a Husband Who Will Treat You Right
When you were a little girl, you might have dreamed of a big wedding and a fluffy white dress. But did you really put thought into the man who would be your husband? (Maybe you envisioned Kirk Cameron or Leonardo DiCaprio, or whoever your celebrity crush was back then).
Maybe you had the big wedding and big dress but then realized a few years later that you’d married the wrong man.
In no way do I want you to take that to mean that Mr. Right isn’t still out there for you. Maybe your first marriage or long-term relationship was right in that moment, but it’s no longer right for who you are now. The good news is: if you start aligning yourself with the idea of finding the right husband, I guarantee you’ll find him!
1. Get to Know Yourself First
It doesn’t matter whether you’re 20 or 50: some people get married way too quickly. Maybe they’re desperate to settle down or maybe there’s another reason they rush to the altar, but the problem is: these marriages are less likely to last.
Two researchers at Emory University, Andrew Francis and Hugo Mialon, studied 3,000 married couples in the U.S. to determine the factors that predicted divorce. Among other factors, they looked at how long a couple dated before getting engaged and found that those who dated 1-2 years before getting engaged were 20% less likely to get divorced. Those that dated 3 or more years were 39% less likely to divorce later.
Given the technological breakthroughs in science, you might live to be 120 years old, so what’s the rush? Waiting a few years to get to know your mate, get to know yourself, and get to know one another as a couple will only strengthen your marriage and ensure that it lasts.
When you’ve got a lot going on in your life, including adjusting to being in a relationship, it’s not a good time to make major life decisions about getting married or even having kids. I know a couple who dated for 3 months before moving in together. Three months later, they took a big international trip together…and now they just got engaged. I’m hoping they take a year or more before they actually tie the knot so they have time to settle into being a couple first. This is moving way too fast.
I remember in my 20s, I had a ton going on. I was launching Sexy Confidence, I was speaking all over the country about dating and relationships, I was riding motorcycles and kite surfing…I was a busy dude. I remember avoiding serious relationships because I understood that the man I was then wasn’t the man I would be down the road. I was still growing and getting to know myself. I felt that it wouldn’t be fair to take someone for that rollercoaster ride until I was truly ready to settle down.
When I entered my 30s, that’s when my life settled down. Lo and behold, that’s when I met Jessica…and now we are happily engaged.
So my advice to you, despite how ready you are to find a husband, is to take your time, both being single and being in a relationship that might end up in marriage. The more time you take, the more you can understand yourself and how this major decision will impact you long-term. There’s no rush!
2. Look for Your Best Friend in a Partner
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In my Attract “The One” Academy Class, I always say that you want to find a partner who is the best friend that you are attracted to. I say that because, after a few years of being hot and heavy and having physical attraction be the primary driver of your relationship, 99.9999% of your relationship will be based on a solid friendship. You will have this incredible bond that goes deeper than just a physical relationship (don’t worry! You’ll hopefully still have that, too), and that’s the foundation for a fantastic marriage.
Sadly, so many people are distracted by lust in the early months of a relationship and don’t think to look for a potential friendship in the people they date. That never turns out well.
Statistically speaking, the #1 cause for divorce is basic incompatibility (43% divorces are because of this). I think that’s because early on, we aren’t looking for compatibility. We are just following our emotions and feelings, and because those are often driven by physical attraction, this strategy can lead you astray.
Consider what qualities you want in a best friend. You may have a platonic best friend who you can use as a model to help you find a husband who will also be your best friend…with benefits! Maybe it’s important for you to have someone who supports you when you take risks, like starting a business. Maybe you want someone who shares your love of marathons. Know what you want in a best friend, and that will help you find it in a potential partner.
3. Have Critical Conversations Before Tying the Knot
Another top reason for divorce is…you guessed it…money issues! Twenty-two percent of marriages end because couples fight over money (been there?). Do not wait until you are married to have important discussions about money, whether you want kids, where you want to live, and other topics that will significantly impact your marriage.
Do you have $130,000 in student loans that he doesn’t know about? Don’t wait until the honeymoon to tell him.
Does he like to take you out for steak dinners every Thursday night on his $45,000 salary? Don’t wait until you have a mortgage and kids to address his spending problem.
You might be nervous to discuss finances because you have debt or can’t stick to a budget to save your life, but I assure you: he won’t leave you because of it. But you do need to discuss your financial situation as well as your relationship with money before you get married to ensure that your marriage is set up for financial success.
What kind of debt do you have? Are you a spender or a saver? Who will manage the finances in the relationship? Will you share a bank account? These are all questions to discuss while you’re dating.
If you thought my tips on how to find a husband were going to give you the address of a place full of eligible men, sorry to disappoint. But the key to finding a relationship that will last the rest of your life is to know who you are and what you want, be ready for that level of commitment, and have open lines of communication in your relationship.
You also have to ensure that the man you’re dating is ready for a commitment like marriage. The last thing I want you to do is latch onto the next man you date and decide that he’s your future husband if he in no way is right for you or ready for that. Keep your eyes open to signs in the relationship that it’s progressing toward both long-term commitment and then marriage. Ask him early on whether he wants to get married (or married again) before it becomes a loaded question in your relationship. If he tells you he will never, ever get married, you should believe him rather than trying to change him and getting your heart broken in the process.
Talk to our Sexy Confident ladies in the comments below: are you looking to find a husband that is your best friend and best match? What are you willing to do to find him?