Why Do Guys Ghost? 5 Reasons That Will Save You Heartache

Why do guys ghost? Honestly, I don’t get it.

I’m sure you’ve experienced ghosting while talking to a guy:

Things are going well. You’re texting or talking on the phone regularly. He’s even starting to be a little vulnerable with you. You’re starting to feel like this might actually turn into a relationship.

Then suddenly, out of NOWHERE, he just ghosts.

Disappears.

Vanishes.

Nowhere to be found.

And you’re thinking, “what the #$^#? What went wrong? What did I do wrong?”

And then every once in a while after you’ve written the guy off, you feel the remnants of that ghost. You feel like you’re in a cheesy horror movie where the haunted spirit keeps surprising you…

…in the form of a late night drunk text…

…or a heart on your Instagram post…

…or a right swipe on your Bumble profile.

…and you’re wondering, “what does he want? Why do men ghost, and how can I avoid this horror movie that is my love life??”

Before you get all annoyed at me as I explain why guys ghost, please realize that I don’t condone any of these behaviors. I just want to give you the real deal so you can understand why men act crazy like this.

Your Coach,

Why Do Guys Ghost? I Don’t Understand!

When I talk to women who are dating later in life, maybe after a divorce, one of the top things they’re frustrated about is ghosting.

Let me just say: ghosting is the cowardly way out of a relationship. Regardless of the reason behind the ghosting (which we’ll go into in a minute), not bothering to explain to you why he ended things is just the easy way out.

But don’t worry about it. He’s got some serious bad karma to deal with for ghosting you!

Here are a few of the reasons why guys ghost.

1. He Got Scared

You might not be the only one with a traumatic past that makes it hard for you to open up in new relationships. He might have been cheated on by a past girlfriend, or hurt in some other significant way.

Or he may have never been in a serious relationship before. Either way, it’s important for you to understand that many men have a real fear of emotional intimacy.

There’s not a lot you can do if he’s ghosted because he got scared. In future relationships, try to look for signs that he’s into you but maybe shies away from commitment and try to go slow so he can get used to the idea of being with you long-term.

2. He Got What He Wanted

Just to be clear: usually what the guy wants is sex. He wants that physical connection but none of the emotional intimacy you’re pushing for.

I’ve got to admit that in my 20s, I was guilty of this reason guys ghost. I wasn’t interested in anything serious, and I was too immature to be real with the women I went out with to let them know that.

Consider this my penance: to answer the question, why do guys ghost.

Although a whopping 80% of 18-33-year-olds have been ghosted, sadly, this is not a phenomenon only for Millennials. I hear from so many members of the Love Strategies community that they’re encountering men in their 40s, 50s, and beyond who only want sex and then ghost.

This blows my mind. Clearly some men will never grow up.

So how can you avoid being used for sex? Talk to a guy you’re dating early on to find out what he’s looking for. An honest guy will let you know up front if he just wants to hook up, and then you can decide if you’re okay with that or if you want to hold out for a real relationship. Do this before you have sex!

3. He’s Avoiding Confrontation

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This man might have gotten to the point in his relationship with you that he’s simply not “feeling it” anymore. He might have been really into you at first, but for whatever reason, his feelings have faded.

Maybe something happened that he didn’t like or he just realized that this wasn’t going anywhere long-term. Surprisingly, people who believe in soul mates are more likely to ghost you, even in a short term relationship, which 22% of those people think it’s okay to do.

Sadly, we live in a time where we’ve gotten worse at confrontation. That might be because we live our lives on our phones and don’t know how to deal with real world situations. Maybe we’ve always sucked at confrontation. I don’t know.

Whatever the cause, it’s one of the reasons guys ghost. It’s crappy that they don’t have the nerve to tell you directly that they’re not interested anymore, but realize that a guy who ghosts is weak, and you are strong. Confronting him about ghosting won’t help you understand why he left, so just give it up and stop looking for answers.

4. He’s a Narcissist

A classic narcissist isn’t concerned about you and your feelings. He will use you — sexually or emotionally — and then discard you without any remorse.

I’m sorry if you’ve been dating a narcissist and he ghosted, but look at it this way: if you’d continued to date a narcissist long-term, you would have gotten even more hurt. So you’re lucky you got out early!

5. He’s a Boy, Not a Man

A boy will ghost on you because he doesn’t know better and he doesn’t want to experience your wrath.

A man will tell you how it is, even if it’s something you don’t want to hear, and even if he knows you will be upset with him.

Don’t assume that if you’re dating men who are 40, 50, or older that they’re actually men. Sadly, men who start out emotionally immature sometimes never really grow up. They’re Peter Pan, and they’ll ghost you, avoid commitment, and generally be bad for you.

If you find that you keep dating Peter Pan types, consider what it is that attracts you to them. Maybe you like that they’re creative types but hate that they won’t commit. Next time, break out of your pattern and try dating an analytical guy or someone completely opposite.

Conclusion:

Why do guys ghost? While I’ve given you several reasons, the bottom line is: these men aren’t right for you. If you shift your mindset, you’ll see that being ghosted is actually a good thing.

By having him end things early, you have avoided the pain of being in a relationship with a scared little boy who doesn’t have the balls to communicate with you properly.

This isn’t The One. This isn’t the man who is your equal, who will be a good partner for you for the foreseeable future. This is just a speed bump on your path to love, and one that you are now over.

And let me just close by saying: women ghost too. If you know that you’ve ghosted a guy, I want you to be brave next time you realize things aren’t working out and just tell him. It’ll be great karma for you!

I know it’s frustrating when men ghost, but I promise you: if you keep getting out there and being open to opportunities to find love, you absolutely will.