Mixed Signals From a Guy? Here Are 3 Ways to Get Clarity

There’s this new phenomenon that’s happening right now in the world of dating.

It happens when a guy texts you and works hard to win you over…

…then when he finally gets you to respond positively, he doesn’t actually do anything about it.

He doesn’t ask you out.

He doesn’t want to see you.

He just wanted to get you to respond to him.

WTF?!!

Talk about mixed signals.

I gotta say, I find this phenomenon utterly perplexing. I’ve even come up with a name for it: validexting.

Validation + Texting

Get it?

I get a lot of questions from amazing Sexy Confident women like you about what the #%&! is going on when a guy sends mixed signals like these. The guy seems to want to win you over, but once he accomplishes this, he doesn’t want anything more from you. Or he only wants sex from you.

Believe me, it’s not worth the energy to try to decipher what the heck a man is thinking who sends mixed signals, so allow me to do a little interpretation to help you.

Your Coach,

Introduction to Mixed Signals

via GIPHY

You don’t really need an introduction to mixed signals, do you? When you were in your 20s, boys gave them all the time. But you’re dismayed to discover that grown men—in their 40s, 50s, and older—still send them!

What gives?! Shouldn’t men know by now how to communicate in dating?

I guess not.

The reasons men send mixed signals vary. Sometimes they don’t know what they want. Sometimes it’s all miscommunication. Other times, they’re playing head games with you. You may never know the reason why this man is short-circuiting his messages to you, but at least you can know how to deal with it.

1. Chalk It Up as Him Being Insecure

He may be sending mixed signals because he’s an insecure little boy.

Insecure little boys seek validation from women.

Men know what they want and they go get it. They don’t waste their time or anyone else’s time giving mixed signals.

And no, age doesn’t determine whether a male is a boy or a man. It all comes down to his maturity and insecurity level.

If you find yourself dating a scared little boy who doesn’t want to do anything more than dip his toes in the water of dating you, then here’s what you do: call him a little boy (maybe not to his face; just in your head) and move on to find a real man, because that’s what you deserve.

If it feels like this guy is playing games and just wants you to chase after him, he’s insecure and looking for validation. Giving it to him is not your job. Move on.

2.  Be Empathetic

You don’t know what’s going on with him, so be empathetic

If you’re getting mixed signals, you can’t automatically assume that he’s a jerk. You don’t know what other things are going on in his life.

Put yourself in his shoes: is he recovering from a past relationship? Maybe past pain is keeping him from opening up to you early on.

Does he have something in his life getting in the way? He might be going through divorce proceedings right now, and that’s eating up a lot of emotional energy so he’s got none to give you. He might be unemployed right now and stressed about the fact that he can’t afford to take you out the way he wants to. His mom might be sick. There are a dozen things that could be going on that you’re simply unaware of.

If you find that this guy is a little bit hot then cold but you still feel like he’s into you, cut him some slack. You may not know the whole story. As you get to know one another better, he may open up about what’s keeping him from being a better communicator and partner.

3. Talk to Him in Person

Talk to him about how you feel in person.

If you’re frustrated about the mixed signals he’s giving you, discuss it with him face-to-face. The best way to know how someone feels about you is to talk to him in person. Trying to have this conversation via text doesn’t work because you’re reading too much into what he’s saying or you can misunderstand his tone. Also, you need to see his face to watch for how he’s communicating his emotions.

I know that talking in person can make you feel hugely vulnerable (there’s nowhere to hide!) but trust me: it’s the best way to communicate. Stop using your phone as a crutch to have real conversations about how you feel about someone.

Have the courage to put yourself out there (assuming you’re in a relationship with this man). If he’s just a fling or you already sense that he’s not interested, move on. But if you think this man is worth your time, then it’s worth it to have a conversation about your frustration with his mixed signals.

Conclusion:

I’m sorry I can’t keep men from sending mixed signals, but at least now I’ve empowered you to understand some potential causes of the reason he’s acting the way he is, and have provided you with some strategies to deal with either a scared little boy or a man who simply has other things going on in his life that are keeping him from giving 100% to you. It’s my hope that this article and video help you cut through the crap to cut ties from a guy who’s just playing games or communicate authentically with a man who’s worth the effort.

Share with the Sexy Confidence community in the comments below: what sort of mixed signals are you getting from the guy you’re dating?