How to Get Men to Approach You (Attract Quality Guys)
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When it comes to dating, the more people you talk to, the more options you have. And options = power.
So, how can you get more high-quality guys to approach you when you’re out without feeling like you’re coming onto them too strong?
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Back in the day, before I started coaching women, I used to coach men and work with them on their body language and help them connect with women. And here’s one thing you should know about most guys: they would rather die than be rejected by a woman they’re attracted to.
When they’re out in a bar, what do they do? They scan the room and look for the woman who is least likely to reject them. So, here are some strategies to make sure you look more approachable.
- Go out with one other female friend
If you have more than one friend with you, it becomes more intimidating for a guy to approach you because he has to approach the whole group. So choose your most fun, positive and social girlfriend to be your wing woman.
And don’t go out with a guy if you want to get approached because other guys will assume that you’re dating him, even if he happens to be your brother!
- Standing is better than sitting
It’s a lot more awkward for a guy to walk over to you and try to have a conversation with you while you’re sitting down or wait while you stand up, and he’s going to feel bad about disrupting you.
So if you want a man to approach you, wear some comfortable shoes (just not crocs) and stand up.
- Position yourself in the center of the room
There’s always a lot more foot traffic at the center of any room than on the outskirts. If you’re off in a deep, dark corner of a bar, you’re putting another barrier in front of most guys.
Position yourself in the center of the room, so it’s easier for a guy to approach you.
- Smile and laugh with your friend
There’s a reason I told you to go out with your most fun and social friend:
a. You will have an amazing time with her.
b. Guys will see you smiling and laughing and be more inclined to approach you.
If you’re with a friend who is always venting about something or bringing a negative vibe, it’s time to find yourself a new wing woman! If you’re frowning or look to be having a super serious or sad conversation, a guy will be too scared to interrupt you.
So make sure you’re with someone who makes you smile so that you look like you’re having a great time. This will make you appear more friendly to guys.
- Don’t be mean to guys who approach you
It takes a lot for most guys to find the courage to walk up to a woman they don’t know and generate a conversation out of thin air in the hope that they might get your number or score themselves a date with a beautiful woman.
So even if you’re not interested or attracted to them, there’s no need to be mean about it. Be the bigger person—your character and how you treat people matter.
Be kind to everyone and send good energy out into the world because that’s what you’ll get back.
How can you start a conversation with guys when you go out?
This is not about going out to hit on guys. It’s about giving them an opportunity to connect with you. So don’t be too forward and ask for his number or ask him out straight away. Let him invest in you first.
Here’s how to do it:
- Proximity matters – stand within 4-6 feet of where he is.
- Smile, look over, and maintain eye contact with him 3 seconds longer than you usually would – this is often enough to get a conversation going.
- If that doesn’t work, don’t be afraid to start a conversation – e.g., if you’re in a sports bar and there’s a game playing, be like, “oh, who’s playing?”
It won’t take long for you to get a feel for whether he’s interested.
Have you ever approached a guy? Let me know how it went in the comments below!
But what if your most fun friend to go out with ends up being the one always getting hit on? Every time guys approach me and another friend, it’s always the other friend they want to talk to.
Very good point
Need suggestions on how to let a guy down nicely. I’m not mean, in fact, I’m very nice and most often not interested. I don’t know what to say. Suggestions welcome.
Also, what if you don’t have a friend to do this with? My best girlfriend died recently and the only other girl I’ve done this with is always the one that gets hit on. She’s not around any more. That said, I’m really flying solo these days. I don’t have many girlfriends that are nearby anymore.
Love this info! I’m twice divorced, am fit and young looking, and I do get more guy conversation when with my friend Hayle!
I am an only child and I have always found it much much better to be ALONE, if you are going to a bar. It does take a little bit more grit, and perhaps in this day and age it is a little more “dangerous”, but the approachability factor is a lot higher.
Your suggestions remind me of my mom. Growing up she always gave the advice when we went to teen dances, “Say yes to the ugly ones, they might have good looking friends.” Your advice is similar and always on point. Thanks for your articles.
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