How To Choose Between Two Men: 9 Questions to Ask Yourself

How To Choose Between Two Men

Hey, it’s a tough problem, figuring out how to choose between two men! Some women don’t even have one man to “choose,” so consider yourself lucky that you have options.

The conundrum that dating presents is that you may talk or go out with several men at the same time. The idea is that you don’t get too emotionally invested in one (especially because you have to assume he’s dating other people too), and you get the chance to know a few guys at once so that you can find exactly what you’re looking for.

The problem is: what happens when you end up caring for two of them? You’re left with a difficult decision, and of course, you don’t look forward to hurting either one of them.

I’m going to help you learn how to choose between two men so that you pick the one who is more likely to end up being Mr. Right long term.

I Have Feelings for Two Guys…What Do I Do?

via GIPHY

Right now you’re spinning out. You love that Peter texts you first thing in the morning to make sure you slept well and that you have a good day…

But it’s kinda awesome talking to Dave for two hours late into the night.

Peter is chivalrous and romantic…

Dave is artistic and quirky.

Peter makes you feel safe…

Dave pushes you to try new things.

The comparison and contrast go on and on. How in the hell did you end up with two amazing guys? Now the decision of how to choose between two men is stressing you out, and you need help, stat.

These two guys may know you’re dating someone else…or that might be something you’ve kept quiet and now you feel guilty about it. Things are escalating emotionally with each one and you know you have to make a decision so you can set one free to find his own happiness.

You’re just not sure who you want to let go of.

Take a deep breath. I’m here for you. I’m going to walk you through some important questions to ask yourself in the hopes that it will shed some light on this subject.

How to Choose Between Two Men: 9 Questions to Ask Yourself

You’re going to need to commit some serious time and mental energy to this subject, so let both guys know you’re having a night in by yourself. Turn off your phone and pull out your journal. Be ready to be completely honest with yourself about what you want, what you need, and what each man is or isn’t giving to you.

1. What Am I Attracted to About Each Man?

selfie couple

Maybe Dave makes you laugh, and that’s what you like about him.

I’m guessing if you’ve gotten to the point where you feel like you’re falling for both of these guys, attraction extends beyond just the physical. So yes, Peter might be a Nordic god while Dave is tall, dark, and handsome, but what else draws you to them?

Make a list. It might look like this:

Peter

  1. Financially stable
  2. Makes me laugh
  3. Makes me feel safe
  4. We have a lot in common

Dave

  1. Makes me want to be a better person
  2. Introduces me to new things
  3. We have amazing physical chemistry
  4. Makes me feel beautiful

You may even have some qualities on both men’s lists! Neither list is better or worse than the other; at this point, you’re just working to clarify what it is you like about each man.

2. Who is Ready for a Relationship?

Naturally, you’re figuring out how to choose between two men because you’re ready to build a deeper connection, maybe get physically intimate if you haven’t already, and work on creating a lasting relationship.

But step away from what you want, and read the signals the two men you’re interested in have been giving off. If you haven’t had the whole “what are you looking for?” conversation, you’ll have to base your answer on actions.

Does either man talk about the future (“when I take you to meet my parents at Christmas…”)?

Has either called you his girlfriend?

Does either still have his online dating profile up?

Do you spend significant quality time with either man or does it seem to be centered around having sex?

If you have had that discussion, you probably have a better idea of what he’s looking for. But how well does it align with what you want? You may both be looking for something long-term, but, for example, does he want kids while you don’t? Does he have a job transfer looming in the nearish future? These are all things to take into consideration as you figure out how to choose between two men.

3. What Does My Wish List Look Like, and How Does Each Man Stack Up?

woman writing

Making a list can help you in how to choose between two men.

If you’ve made a list of what you want in a man, pull it out and review it. Read it twice: once with each man in mind. Now write out which qualities each man has from your list, and which he doesn’t. For the ones he doesn’t, are those dealbreakers or nice-to-haves?

For example, maybe your list says you want someone who has all his hair. But Peter is thinning. Is that really a dealbreaker? Probably not.

Which of the men meets more of your specifications?

4. What Reservations Do I Have About Each Guy?

Before you say, “Adam, there’s nothing wrong with either man!” I want you to dig deeper. If you’ve been seeing these guys for several weeks or months, I’m willing to bet there are a few things that either worry you or just plain annoy you.

Maybe Dave chews with his mouth open. Or has trouble talking about his feelings.

Perhaps Peter had a vasectomy and you really want kids. Or he is obsessive-compulsive when it comes to keeping his house clean.

Big or small, there are likely things that should make you hesitate before moving forward in a relationship. Certainly, you can deal with Dave’s open-mouthed annoyance, but you still should admit that it bothers you.

5. What’s the Sexual Chemistry Like?

sexual chemistry

What’s the chemistry like with each man?

This presumes you’ve been intimate on some level with each of these men, but if you haven’t, base your response on the passion you feel. I’m sure you’ve kissed or made out and can at least think about how hot (or not) that was, and how much it made you anticipate (or not) eventually having sex.

Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist at Rutgers University and Match.com’s science advisor, has long studied mating and love. In the stages of a relationship, both lust and attraction are heavily dominated by chemical reactions in the brain, Fisher found in her 1997 paper, “Lust, Attraction, and Attachment in Mammalian Reproduction.”

Lust, naturally, is more sexually driven, while attraction is when your feelings start being a little more emotional. Then attachment, which still involves oxytocin in the brain, is more about that emotional bond that physical one.

But still, to get to attachment, you’ve got to have smooth sailing with the other two stages. That being said…what is that chemistry between you two like? Do you find yourself thinking about being intimate with one or the other man? If you have been, do you walk away fulfilled? Are you equally matched in your desire?

6. What Do Your Friends Think?

While certainly, this will be your decision to make in terms of how to choose between two men, it can’t hurt to get a little input from your friends, especially if they’ve met one or both men. They’ve seen how you’ve talked about and acted around each, so they may be able to see things that you can’t with your biased perspective.

You may gloss over the fact that Peter is always late, and that you’ve complained about that a ton to your friends. Or that Dave seems to be aimless when it comes to his career, and that’s something they know is important to you.

Definitely take your friends’ advice with a grain of salt, but also be open to really hearing what they have to say. They only want what’s best for you, after all.

7. How Does Each Man Make You Feel About Yourself?

confident woman

The man you choose should make you feel like a better version of you.

The man you choose as your partner should make you feel happy and want to be the best girlfriend — and one day wife — that you can be. He should never ever make you feel small, unattractive, or unworthy.

You may even feel like two different people, depending on which man you’re with. Which version of you do you like better? Which is more authentic?

Let’s say Peter is a vegan, and you always eat vegan when you’re with him. Now, you’re not a vegan, but you convince yourself that you don’t mind it. But what happens long term if you’re with him? Will you cook vegan meals for the two of you at home? Does this persona feel forced, or like something you’d embrace, regardless of being with him?

8. How Does Each Man Feel About You?

Even if one or both of these guys are ready for a relationship, that doesn’t mean you know how he feels about you. Ideally, you want to pick the man who matches how you feel about him. And you should choose a man who has no problem communicating his feelings to you.

Don’t assume that Peter is falling for you simply because you feel like you’re falling for him. Do you have proof or at least a strong reason to think so? It might be worth having a conversation with him to find out. Once those feelings are confirmed, your problem of how to choose between two men may be solved.

9. What Does Your Gut Tell You?

If you’ve gotten this far and still don’t know how to choose between two men, I want you to pretend I’m holding a gun to your head (I’m so sorry to do this! It’s only a theoretical gun.). Now: which man will you choose? Don’t deliberate. Just say aloud the name that comes to your lips.

Did the name surprise you?

Not really? Well then, you knew already who you would choose! But I get it. Sometimes we struggle to trust our intuition about big decisions. That teeny voice seems to come out of nowhere, and it’s easy to ignore. After all, it often whispers without any evidence to base its opinion on. And so we ignore it. And yet, down the road, we find that the voice was right, and that ignoring it was at our own peril.

So trust your gut a little with this decision. It may know more than your brain right now.

Tips for Deciding How to Choose Between Two Men

You’ve asked yourself the hard questions. Let me leave you with a few tips to make the decision and then help you let one unlucky man down gently.

Don’t Rush the Decision

I know you feel like the sooner you can figure out who you want to be with, the better. But realize this is a major decision! Not to put too much pressure on you, but it could impact the rest of your life. So take your time. Journal about it. Talk to friends. Simmer over it in a hot bubble bath. Whatever you need, and however long you need.

Spend Time Away from Both Men

You probably won’t be able to have an unbiased view if you are spending time with one or both guys during this decision-making process, so take some time to be alone for it. You don’t have to tell them why you need to be alone. Just carve out a few evenings or weekends to think about it. Let them know you won’t be available so you won’t be distracted by their texts or calls.

Realize: It Might Be Neither

You’ve put a lot of energy into how to choose between two men, but the truth is: neither might be right for you. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but realize that if each man fulfills you in some ways but not all, your attraction to them both might be because you’re looking for the whole package and not finding it.

Helen Fisher (hey, she’s a wise woman when it comes to love and attraction!) identifies three brain systems at work with dating and romance:

  • Attraction
  • Romantic love
  • Sex drive

It’s entirely possible that one man has one or two of these for you, but not all. So you could be trying to piece together all three with more than one man. In this case, you may be better off pulling away from both men and holding out for the whole enchilada.

Plan Out the Letdown

Once you’ve made your choice, spend some time considering the conversation you’ll have with the man you didn’t choose. It’s up to you whether you let him know you’re falling for someone else or if you just say you’d like to just be friends. No matter what you say, the conversation may not go that well. Be okay with that. He may feel hurt if he felt like he was falling for you, and he may lash out angrily. Know that you’re doing him a favor: the sooner you let him go, the sooner he can move on and find the right woman for him.

Conclusion:

hiking couple

Have confidence that you’ll make the right decision.

Figuring out how to choose between two men isn’t an easy decision, but it’s the right one. Rather than stringing them both along because you’re too scared to end things with one (or both) of them, you’re owning your decision for happiness. But you have to realize: despite you trying to choose the man that best fits your needs, that doesn’t guarantee that it will work out long-term. You take a risk in love every day, and this is no different.

So tell me: have you ever had to struggle with how to choose between two men? What helped you make the decision, and looking back, do you feel it was the right decision at the time? Leave a comment below.

How To Choose Between Two Men
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Adam LoDolce

Love Strategist

My true passion in life is transforming your love life by giving you specific tools and techniques that you can use to attract long lasting love. I got started when...Read Adam's Story

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Happy
2 years ago

Thanks for your article.. I am having a problem on how to choose between two guys. Although I was with a guy about 3 months we we’re so good, romantic and we love each other dearly. But all of a sudden the first guy just ended the relationship and walk away saying that he was not ready for the relationship after introducing me to his family. So we went our separate ways .along the line I have to move on with my life and God so kind I met someone who show me care and love and we were dating… Read more »

Sarah
2 years ago
Reply to  Happy

What did you decide? I am in the exact same situation 🙁

Sarah
2 years ago
Reply to  Sarah

Omgosh I’m in the same situation. It’s a horrible feelings. I can’t decide. What has everyone else suggest?

Hajra
1 year ago
Reply to  Sarah

I’m facing the same problem

huhhgvjh
1 year ago
Reply to  Hajra

Same brother

Brittany clark
9 months ago
Reply to  Hajra

i cant im dating one person and am still stuck on my ex but ill feel horrible if i leave one of them for the other and i just cant one makes me feel like im on cloud nine and the other one is like my best friend you might as well already shoot me cause i needs help

Kaydene
4 months ago
Reply to  Brittany clark

Who did you choose?

1 year ago
Reply to  Happy

Omgggg

Debrann Meeks
1 year ago
Reply to  Happy

Literally my current situation

Lily
1 year ago
Reply to  Debrann Meeks

SAME i am kind of trying to decide between two guys: my childhood best friend and the “new” (he moved here about 6months ago) hot guy. i can see advantages to both. my friend, James is loyal and sweet and even tho hes not as cute as the other guy (Zac) he has an amazing personality. and then zac is for one, HOT and he is smart funny kind popular….i think i should choose zac bc i think dating james would ruin my friendship with him and i feel like im more attracted to him. oh gosh as i was… Read more »

van.b
11 months ago
Reply to  Lily

hahahaha i’ve soooooo been there before, childhood bestfriend vs HOTTIE, i picked the hottie; the hottie was honeymoon at the begining; but our personalities are not compatible; 4years later with the hottie im back at the same situation; this time i met a man not as hot but showing me what its like to treat a queen; hottie does not want to let me go; but we fight almost daily but lately hes been making alllllll the efforts in the world to meet my needs. but how long will that last… so the hottie or the new guy; i know… Read more »

Amy
10 months ago
Reply to  van.b

I think you answered your own question you wouldn’t gone after someone else of the hottie worked out so chose the new guy.

Brittany clark
9 months ago
Reply to  Lily

first you need to see and know what each of their feelings are towards you then if your sure that they both like you then go for the one that makes you happy and treats you like his world is on fire without you (i would choose childhood bestfriend)

1 year ago
Reply to  Happy

I am in the same situation literally, but what I have done is blocked both of them on everything for a week and I told them I needed time to think and clear my mind because it isn’t a easy to think with both of them asking for a chance.. It was still hard making the decision but after reading this all I wanted to tell you was, move on.. the other guy should’ve loved you correctly when he had the chance everything he’s doing now he should’ve done before. The new guy came and showed you everything you wanted… Read more »

Pooja
1 year ago
Reply to  Happy

Be happy with the second guy …he loves you irrespective of knowing ur past
First guy can repeat the same mistake again than wat u will do.
So better think about future .. second guy perfect for u

Kiana Combs
11 months ago
Reply to  Happy

On one hand, you’re dating someone new so I’d say to forget about both men. However if you had to pick one of them, think about it this way. If you truly loved the first one, the second one wouldn’t have ever been an option for you. Just something to think about. Maybe you could pray about it too and ask God to show you who the right man in your life should be.

Stephen Freestone
7 months ago
Reply to  Happy

It’s not really a choice, from my experience, the universe will tempt you when you decide you like someone… it always will and it always did. Ex’s start messaging, new guys start popping up, it’s all a test to see how much you like your current partner and if your ready. If you have to ask this question then your current partner is not the right one, you should never have any doubts about who you want to be with.

7 months ago
Reply to  Happy

My situation is I either pick a boy that my may or may not allow me to date , I have know him 3 years, he just started to show signs that he likes me and I truly love him too, he’s cute, makes me happy and we have sooooo much in common. But, I go to school he is homeschooled (we and other kids do an after school activity) but I met a boy 6 months ago that walks me home everyday, makes me happy, is cute go to my school, and always laughs at everything I say. I… Read more »

2 years ago

I recently went thru that, was in love with the first one, but didn’t fee like he “got me” so started dating and met a nice guy, they both knew of one another, long story short, cared for second guy but didn’t have that butterfly feeling, but he had all the qualities I wanted. I almost lost him while trying to decide and with that helped me to realize that he was the better choice, I was afraid to be vulnerable to another man after the first one kind of disappointed me but I still dealt with him because I… Read more »

Felicia
1 year ago
Reply to  Melissa Ford

Same what did you do?

April
2 years ago

I’m in the same boat and it’s eating me alive everyday. One is an ex and the other is a older man I met who helped me build back up after my ex. Me and my ex split up after we lost our baby and we kinda just lost the flame. He came back saying it was a mistake. The older man takes care of me financially and he is stable. My ex is trying to make me believe he can be good and not to worry because we will be okay no matter what. I just worry in my… Read more »

1 year ago
Reply to  April

Omg please tell me what you did I’m literally in the same situation me and my ex were together for 2 years we went through some stuff and we both left but he just had a hoe and I met an older guy and got to involved now my ex wants to try again and he’s my best friend but this older guys truly loves me

Yuli
1 year ago
Reply to  Alexis

I’m in the exact same situation. I have to choose at 12 who I stay with. It’s 9:52 pm and I still haven’t made up my mind. I hate this, I wish I could just leave and be all alone.

Musonda
1 year ago
Reply to  Yuli

U have to think about it..u cant have a time frame for auch a decision

Deborah Earsing
7 months ago
Reply to  Alexis

I’m in the same situation, except the first one I was married to for 8 years efore I left. He did not put me first in the marriage, would not communicate but continued to say that he loved me. He is trying so hard to get back with me he has made changes he now communicates and realizes that I have to be number one in his life. He wants to remarry me but as of last summer someone I knew 40 years ago came into my life , I consider him such a good friend my children and my… Read more »

Carrisa
6 months ago

I found this interesting to reply to based on what you wrote. I count 8 positive things you said about your Ex, Made changes, Now communicates, Your #1, Good friend, Children &Grand love him, You care deeply for your Ex, Financially stable( you only mention other guy is not), I would also add, Went to counseling (doesn’t matter how many times most men won’t go), And most importantly you write so much about your Ex (compared to other guy), you are kidding yourself sister if you think you don’t have chemistry with your Ex. For new guy you have feelings… Read more »

Alexa
2 years ago

April I am in a very similar situation. My ex who left me and is begging for forgiveness and a new man who loves me and takes care of me financially. I love my ex but don’t want to lose the new man if I make the wrong decision with going back. Did you make a decisions, how did it go?

kayla
1 year ago
Reply to  Alexa

what decision did you make , is it working out?

Anonoymous
2 years ago

I too suffer in attempting to decide between two men.one is my husband if 10 years who stepped out on our marriage who is now begging for me to come home.we have been seperated for almost a year.meanwhile I have met this man. Who adores me loves me and has went through some trials of me and my husband seperation..he is younger and has small children…my children are adults…both have great qualities loving behaviors .I’m so confused..help

MC
2 years ago

I’m having trouble deciding between my current bf of 5 months, and someone who I became friends with over the summer. I love my bf, but the second guy seems to be convincing me that I should just give him a chance. Everyone says that I would look cute with the second one, and he’s better for me. The thing is, if I choose him, that would mean breaking up with my bf, but if I stay in this relationship, I might miss out on an amazing person.

Foxy
1 year ago
Reply to  MC

I’m in a similar boat. My bf of almost 2 years and a man I went on a date with before my current bf and I met have become very close. My bf and I have our issues but he will encourage me explore more but lacks romance has a much lower sex drive and is older. The younger one has a similar sex drive makes me feel safe is so romantic and kind. But I wont be as encouraged to explore. I am weighing how much I value that kick in the ass to try new things vs security.… Read more »

Deborah Earsing
7 months ago
Reply to  Foxy

I’m in the same situation, except the first one I was married to for 8 years efore I left. He did not put me first in the marriage, would not communicate but continued to say that he loved me. He is trying so hard to get back with me he has made changes he now communicates and realizes that I have to be number one in his life. He wants to remarry me but as of last summer someone I knew 40 years ago came into my life , I considered. My ex as a good friend my children and… Read more »

Tara
6 months ago

I think if your ex has changed and is financial stable give him another try

Savannah
5 months ago

I think your ex husband sounds like the better option, except for the part about you not feeling any chemistry. Have you stopped loving him or is it the passion that has died out? It seems like he is just not a very affectionate but is realizing his mistakes and wanting to change. If it’s passion that you’re missing, you can spark that again, but if it’s love, that’s a different story. And the other guy is married, right? From what you wrote, I would say that your ex husband sounds like the better choice, especially since he still seems… Read more »

1 year ago
Reply to  MC

I relate to this!! I felt like I had some kind of spark with my ex boyfriend. I met this other guy, and he’s the sweetest! I don’t know what to do! I still love my ex, I know I would go back to him in a heartbeat. But then the second guy is just so sweet. I felt like my ex cared more about me than the second guy does. Any opinions?

Savannah
5 months ago
Reply to  Aryana

Oh my gosh, that the exact situation that I’m in right now! I broke up with my ex boyfriend because we were long distance and he seemed to be taking me for granted, and then I met this other boy because his friend dm-ed me from his Instagram account, and he is super sweet. My ex and I have started talking more again and he has stopped taking me for granted and is really trying to win me back, but he also says he wants what’s best for me and is unsure about us getting back together because of the… Read more »

Areli
2 years ago

My story is a bit different, i dated a guy for 3 years. I was very in love for a long time but we had very different views in many things but always tried to make it work, we shared many interests and made so many memories together. He was the type to give you everything but he’ll be very jealous and very stubborn, i had guy friends for years that were strictly platonic and he saw all of them as a threat. It was exhausting. I began gaining feelings for a guy that i had known for 2 years,… Read more »

Atlanta Dreamin
1 year ago
Reply to  Areli

Here’s what I will tell you. If it’s that difficult now, in the beginning – MOVE ON. That is a window into your future. As women, we all know what we want and what we can tolerate. This being after you have made an investment in the relationship. If he is making it hard, manipulative etc. that is not the makings of a healthy relationship. Your investment on the front end should be interesting, fun, exciting and in the ‘beginning’ should be the best experience. Then build on that. Shouldn’t be sooooooooooo much work in the beginning. Really should be… Read more »

Victoria
1 year ago

I have a problem. I have never dated either of these guys. One is older and experienced. The other is my age and turns me on. They are both sweet, handsome, and make me feel like the most beautiful woman. I see both of these guys everyday.

Jaclyn
1 year ago

Ladies…I need help. I am in love with two men. The decision is tearing me apart, it’s all I can think about. My ex and I split 1 year ago. We broke up because I began my teaching degree and had to move to another city, he said he could not be in a long distance relationship. I started dating another guy 8 months ago. He is very sweet and kind..but very stubborn and annoys me. The little things he does annoys me. I don’t like the way he eats, he talks too much, he is stubborn, we don’t see… Read more »

Melissa
1 year ago
Reply to  Jaclyn

Jaclyn Hi honey I’m in the same boat an the best thing I’ve done but the hardest aswell was move out, it’s been 1week an 1day , the emotional roller coasters ride I’ve been on, one Guy I work with and the other my partner who has a drinking problem, so I’ve asked for a brake, an here I am now, thinking I should let both go, I love an desire makes me feel good about myself my partner but he to much at times, an the other makes feel happy but he a bit younger then me, so this… Read more »

Emma Kate Roberts
1 year ago
Reply to  Jaclyn

I’m in the same boat (just posted my story a minute ago) but I think if it’s clear to you to get back with your ex who you’re in love with, then you need to put yourself first and do what will make you happy! Your new boyfriend will find happiness once you set him free. You’re just delaying the pain.

Amy
10 months ago
Reply to  Jaclyn

It wont be easy or painless just tell them yes you care for them but your ex still has your heart you thought you had moved on but you haven’t your are truly sorry but the heart wants what it wants. You know you are hurting him and all understand his side. Think long and hard will work out with your ex to take that chance or no if not then chose the other guy

Anonymous
1 year ago

Ladies, I too am having major major issues here. I was with a man for 9 hrs. I loved him so much but he let me down a few times in a major way. I accepted things and moved on with him but it really made me feel bad, so several years later (aka this summer) I decided to get my own place and move on. Since that time, I’ve rekindled a relationship that I had with another man when I was really young. We have so much in common and really only broke up because at the time we… Read more »

Jenny
1 year ago
Reply to  Anonymous

Did you mean 9 years cause you said 9 hours…?

Anonymous
1 year ago
Reply to  Jenny

Hahah yes…9 years 🙂

That made me look a little dramatic

Emma Kate Roberts
1 year ago
Reply to  Anonymous

I too am in a love triangle. I was dating my boyfriend (let’s call him “A”) of 5 & 1/2 years then moved out in August / broke things off with him because he never really committed to me. He never cheated or wandered, but he was content with just dating me. He blamed his lack of ability to fully commit because his ex wife cheated on him 7+ years ago. I started seeing this guy (let’s call him “R”) immediately after I ended things with “A,” which I know was wrong in hind sight, but it is what it… Read more »

Cece
1 year ago

Girl keep R
Say bye to A
&keep on trucking…
It shouldnt take any1 basically 6 years plus a guy to realize they wanna spend their liiiife wit u… Honestly. He should’ve came back wit a promise ring instead… Bkz engagement rings this late mean i jus wanna end the argument for the day but not really my ways…

Jeeyaa
1 year ago
Reply to  Anonymous

Hi….what you decided..how it helped

1 year ago
Reply to  Anonymous

What did you decided? I’m stuck deciding between stability with no sparks, we were together for 5years and have a child together. Or between this man that I have known for 2 years. We have am amazing connection in and out the bedroom. I’ve never felt like this before about anyone. But in the last 6 months that we have been seeing each other he wasmy always honest about his soon to be ex wife. Im not sure I can trust him. Im so lost. I want to pick him so badly, but I’m terrified. However, it terrifies me to… Read more »

Ri
8 months ago
Reply to  Sarah Teuton

Until he leaves his ex wife Before you engage in anything…5years is a long time not to have sparks in a relationship and it’s depressing you need to either move on or try to make it work

kris
3 months ago
Reply to  Anonymous

Did you ever make a decision? I need help in the same predicament! Also I am a growing woman of faith and conflicted bc both men know God. My ex of 8 yrs is heavily becoming more involved with God now and wants me back badddd the new guy shies away bc he doesn’t want to keep sinning in God’s eyes. I ask God for guidance in each one but the new guy I’m so sexually into and we’re goal driven together. I don’t want to disappoint God!

karina
1 year ago

i am on the same boat. I love my ex and I want to make it work with him but every time I am with him I always get upset. He is financially stable, makes me feel safe, and we have a couple things in common because we dated for 4 years. Now the guy I started talking to is not financially stable but makes me feel beautiful, and we have amazing chemistry, and makes me be a better person. I spoke to my ex and we can try things again but he never engages in physical intimacy and it… Read more »

NumA
1 year ago
Reply to  karina

I hate cheap men, such a turn off.

1 year ago

I’m in high school, so maybe this is ridiculous. The first guy I’ve know and liked since 3rd grade- so a long time (he’s my neighbor). And lately it’s been going really well. But he’s mormon and I’m not. So he couldn’t date until he was 16. Now he is but he’s not ready but we flirt and I love our dynamic ,it’s so grea and I don’twant to lose that or my feelings. The other guy just messaged me out of the blue. I knew him because he works at my grocery store and I’m not going to lie,… Read more »

BeckyinPA
1 year ago

Oh dear Ladies, how do we get ourselves in this kind of situation? I, unfortunately can relate because I am having difficulties making a concrete decision between 2 men……Everyone’s situation is slightly different but it all boils down to one thing: We have to deal with a LOSS. Between the 2 or 3 or 4 men we love…..we ultimately can only have 1 to honestly nurture. This is where I am having the most difficulty: the loss of another because once I break it off, it will forever change. It is Scary As Hell to think of losing someone you… Read more »

Aria
1 year ago
Reply to  BeckyinPA

I can relate to every word, it’s hard and scary. I have been with my bf for 7 years, I am 27…I unexpectedly just fell for someone else who isn’t really my type generally but we had talked casually platonically over the internet for a couple years, I finally met him and person and seeing him here and there when I realiZed I liked him..a lot, he’s always had a crush on me. I didn’t mean for this to happen and I wish it never did, wish I never put myself in that position. My boyfriend of 7 years, is… Read more »

Charlie
1 year ago
Reply to  Aria

Hi Aria, I’m in pretty much the same boat and it’s killing me, I feel so guilty for having feelings for 2 different men especially as I’ve lived with my current partner for over 7 years and is the most loyal and trustworthy man I’ve ever met 🙁 did you decide what to do with your situation? x

Alex
1 year ago
Reply to  Aria

Well you cheated on your bf so you didn’t actually love him. You can be stuck between both men but not have sex with the other guy, you do know that right?

Nikki
1 year ago
Reply to  BeckyinPA

This was great advice! Thanks so much! Good luck to you!

Nikki
1 year ago
Reply to  BeckyinPA

This was great advice! Thank you! Good luck to you!

Dena
1 year ago
Reply to  BeckyinPA

Thank you. Awesomely helpful story to share with us all

Lola
9 months ago
Reply to  BeckyinPA

BeckyinPA, it’s been a year now– how’re things going?

Zulu
1 year ago

Hello ladies I met an amazing guy over one year ago. We immediately fell for one another, at first glance. I knew it was “him” and so did he. We moved in together 4 months later, and I started to realize he had a true drug addiction, smoking weed all day long and being the first thing he did when waking up and last thing before going to bed. His smoking breath made me stop wanting to kiss him and I never ever want to have sex with him. I started to develop throughout the entire year all sorts of… Read more »

10 months ago
Reply to  Zulu

2nd guy

Red
1 year ago

I have been having a similar problem.. there’s this guy that can take care of me financially, he loves me, but he’s controlling and possessive. My bf, on the other hand, loves me and supports me, but he is disabled and will never be able to hold a proper job. I love my bf with all my heart, but if I stay with him I know things will be hard on us because of distance and his needs. If I date the older man, he is clingy and controlling but can take care of me and support me, with the… Read more »

Jen
1 year ago
Reply to  Red

Please don’t be with someone who is controlling or possessive! I just got out of a relationship like that and I was miserable, knowing for a while that I should break it off with him, but being afraid to. Don’t put yourself in that situation- you deserve better!

Dena
1 year ago
Reply to  Jen

Agreed and thank you!

10 months ago
Reply to  Red

Get a job and support yourself. Don’t depend on anyone. Then you will have more respect for yourself and find a better man.

OLIVIA
10 months ago
Reply to  Anonymous

Thank u! I think hat would be the better thing also!!!

steph
1 year ago

I am so confused I met a guy 3 months ago and I have so much fun with him, I’m always around all his friends and I it’s so exciting and we literally have the best time ever when we are together he’s so much fun and I’m left wanting more every time I leave. Honestly he’s been all I think about none stop for the last 3 months. However he has never been in a serious relationship before and seems to get annoyed and back off when I talk about feelings. 2 weeks ago I bumped into my ex-boyfriend… Read more »

1 year ago

I’m going through the same thing, n I feel like I’m.losing it. It’s either try to work it out with my ex husband of 20 years….we recently got a divorce two years ago n I start dating a guy I knew from school. Been seeing him on off for two years. He’s so fun, sweet, have great sex but he’s not financially stable, drinks all the time, won’t divorce his ex n has been separated for three years, n give me the place as his girlfriend but at the same time he gives me butterflies Everytime were together. But my… Read more »

Ashley
1 year ago

I am in a very similar situation, it’s destroying me, in fact I’ve been so down, so confused and anxious. I am doing therapy and taking anxiety meds, the whole situation put me in such anxiety, some days I can’t even cope :/ it sounds crazy. But I have all the success I could wish for in my career and I am stable financially . I have been married for over a decade. Perfect marriage in a lot ways, but sexually for me wasn’t there anymore. So my husband (who is very sweet and I have no doubts he loves… Read more »

Angie
1 year ago
Reply to  Ashley

Hi Ashley,

I’m in a similar situation as you. How did it go?

Emily
2 months ago
Reply to  Ashley

100% in the same boat as you. With partner of 6 years who I still love dearly but we have lost the spark. We are now more like best friends. Met someone else and I forgot what it felt like to be in a romantic relationship and made me realise what I have been missing. So much at stake (house, cats, car, 6 years of what we have built) and It is so difficult to choose. I can either choose my best friend who I have built a home with and trust and would have stability But no attraction or… Read more »

10 months ago

Sometimes I feel like I have to accept that my sec drive won’t stay up to par with my partner and it’s something that can be worked on with toys. If it’s just lack of fun or sex, you should seek couples therapy, they can help get you back in the mood. Find a hobby with your partner to share a common interest and something fun to do.

Anna
1 year ago

I’m also torn between men. Been knowing each of them for exactly 5 months. I’m recently divorced. They are both 46 years old, I’m 48. One works out of town a lot and is divorced and has 2 boys so I rarely see him. But like 2 months in he was talking about getting married and giving me key to his apartment and meeting his boys. I did meet his boys and have spent time with them. He’s so sweet and kind his face lights up when he sees me. The other never been married has 16 year old daughter… Read more »

Anonymous
1 year ago

Hey guys, i’m in a very similar situation and i really need help.My boyfriend and i hv been together for a year now and everything is all good. Just recently my rx which is my baby daddy contacted me telling me how much he loves me and wants us to be back together again, I love my baby daddy he makes me feel beautiful and believes in my dream nd encourages me to study and be a better person but with us the problem is his mom….the woman doesnt love me and see me fit for his son nd her… Read more »

Kimberly A Schumacher
5 months ago
Reply to  Anonymous

Get back with you’re baby daddy

Torn
1 year ago

I’m so glad I’m not the only one with this problem. But still no solution. My story is i have a bf who I’ve been with for over a year now but have known for awhile. When my baby dad and i split he was there for me he was also there for me through all the rough things I’ve dealt with over my youngest because of my ex. He’s older than me but financially stable. He’s caring living and a hard worker. He also loves and takes care of my kids like they are his. My issue is that… Read more »

Selina Ranar
1 year ago

I recently ended my one and half year relationship with my boyfriend. Reason being he hardly makes time for me, always busy at work and also caught him texting other girls. We used constantly fight and argue. He always used to say my tone and the way I speak is not good. And would use that to say that he won’t take me to meet his parents if I didn’t change. I always use to beg and say sorry if he tried to end the relationship. So one day I had enough andI met a guy at my work training.… Read more »

Digone
1 year ago

Thank you so much for the article, it really helped. I’ve been stressing out so much about who to choose. I went through the 9 questions and to be honest I was still having a hard time trying to figure things out so I thought about it and 4 points stood out in the article that I realized are important to me, Attraction, Romantic Love, Sex Drive, & the statement, “The man you choose should make you feel like the a better version of you.” And, I chose the guy who had more of those points but I know that… Read more »

Kathrine
1 year ago

Ugg I hate love triangles and now I’m stuck in one

Laxmi Day
1 year ago

I’m in a situation where I’m stuck. I love my boyfriend who’ve I’ve dated for 3 1/2 years. And I mean it was great.. but there were so many arguments and pressure. And then I slowly started to develop feelings for my best friend and we kissed and it was absolutely magical. I left my boyfriend thinking i lost feelings for him but he started fighting for me and promising of changing to make us both better. Now I have lingering feelings and I’m stuck. Do I leave the man I’ve been with for years and believe his promise of… Read more »

Abigail
1 year ago

It’s been almost a month, they’re both ready for a relationship, we all have a lot in common, I’d take a bullet for both, and still having troubles. I went from pros to cons to how we get along and if we got together how things would go. Currently not with anyone, so I’ve had sexual desires with both of them. Still can’t choose…

Miranda
1 year ago

I’m currently with this guy who’s very sweet, I know he loves me, financially stable, and I know he’d be great long term, but we don’t have good conversation. Then I met this guy and we talk non stop. I like him. But I also love the first guy. Idk what to do.. I don’t want to hurt either of them..

ADU CHI TEKE
1 year ago

Can please anyone help me too. I’m stressed like hell!! One was in love with a guy. When I met him, I was like “he’s the one”. I was so happy . But after few months, when I was stalking him on a app I saw that he commented on 3 pics of girls saying “you’re hot, your eyes, cutiepie”. This made me sad I decided to talk to him about it. I asked him about those comments then he said that he just wanted to increase his number of followers. I ignored that. But one thing I noticed on… Read more »

Carolyn
1 year ago

HOPE THIS HELPS: The close to last paragraph is reaffirmed by choices and several other articles on similar topics: IF YOU DON’T KNOW, THE ANSWER IS NO. So both are not for you and hold out for the person who meets all your needs, or settle with one of them.

Rowey
1 year ago

Omg i am in the same situation as you all! I have met this younger guy and we’re both attracted to each other so much. But he’s not willing to commit as he is not ready due to his ex is still playing tricks on him..his career and his child that stays with him 7 days a forthnight. He said we are only friends but we have sex every now and then and he’s amazing! He is the best f$&@ i ever had.He listens to me. But When he has his daughter he doesn’t have time for me. Doesn’t text… Read more »

Gecko/Allison
1 year ago

i like these 2 guys they like me to but i still can not diside . the first one one lets call him s i liked and he did to ge told me and nothing happend . the second one lets call him i know he likes me he always acts like it when we are alone . i like them bolth so much but i can not deside . thx for the advice though

Alice
1 year ago

12yrs vs 6months. It is hard to choose when you both love them on a different level kind of love.

Marko
1 year ago

I’m one of those guys. We met last year and fell for each other but I tpushed her away due to depression and feeling worthless. For a year we still saw each other once or twice a month intimately but I was distant thinking she deserved better. I finally admitted to myself a few month ago that I was depressed and needed to work on getting better. I opened up to her completely as I realised I hurt her but more importantly I was hurting myself. However, she told me she was seeing someone else when I said I’d like… Read more »

Erika
1 year ago

There’s a reason why they are an “ex.” Why go backwards?! Push forward to new possibilities., new beginnings. If you continue dwelling on who to choose eventually the decision might not be up to you. One of them or both will then decide and you may end up with neither or with the one you kind of didn’t want. It’s a difficult decision because we don’t want to hurt someone. But we chose to allow two men in. There was a point in time when removing one out of your life was an easier choice, but because we didn’t want… Read more »

11 months ago

My boyfriend of almost 11 years (he would never marry me or say I love you) was emotionally abusive, calling me names & telling me to kill myself. I begged him to stop, went to therapy alone (because he refused to go), etc… He helped me a lot around the house since he did not work & I work all the time. However, everything he gave he seemingly cancelled out with the abuse. It got worse when I met someone and talked to them (nothing more) for a month a few years ago. My boyfriend then got jealous & started… Read more »

Kimberly A Schumacher
5 months ago
Reply to  Anonymous

What did you choose?

11 months ago

Am also in the same situation but mine is worse cause. I cheated on baby daddy for 7 months,whom I have dated foe 3 years and fell in love with the other guy.baby daddy is kind-hearted,hard working,tall and sexy,treats me right sometimes has 5 kids to mine,he found out I was cheating and told me to leave the other guys so he forgives me and we could start over again.on the other hand Josh is short and sexy,makes me laugh,short temper,when we agrue he always tells me to find someone else or dump’s me, comfortable talking to him about everything,he… Read more »

Lee
10 months ago

I have a terminal cancer and have been with my significant other for 16 years of which 10 were good . We lived separate lives with no intimacy for several years while I begged . In the last year I meet and fell in live with crazy chemistry Talk of marriage and he treats me well . However the previous can afford to get me to clinical trials For my cancer . The one my heart chooses cannot . If anyone has sage advice I’m forever grateful !!

Katie
10 months ago

Very helpful. I made me decision by answering the questions as I went along. But I suppose I always knew the answer. Thanks!

8 months ago

I need your advice pls…. Have been dating one for like four years now and the other one for like six months I don’t feel any kind of attraction for him again is just as if we are just friends unlike before wen he calls, chat me up am always excited buh now… I don’t even want to pick his calls and make sort of excuse if he want to visit me we have also broken up twice buh still end up being together… It just that am kind of scared of losing him…. While the second one.. I still… Read more »

Meera
6 months ago

Can someone suggest and help me too… I am confused between two men.. 1. My childhood best friend 2. A guy I know since school. My childhood best friend is someone I fell for 6 years ago.. But never went ahead with the relationship because he was not a relationship type of person.. He stayed in temporary relationships and was happy that way… Now, after so many years, he is falling in love with me too.. And he is ready to commit, stay in a relationship. He is ready to tell his parents about me and also is working hard… Read more »

Lily
5 months ago

I am in a situation like this… One is my boyfriend of 2 years. It’s been a rocky road and we fight a lot. But he makes me feel warm, safe and is always there for me. Then this other guy came out of nowhere. We were friends and I catched myself growing feelings for him. He made me laugh and it was always an adventure hanging out with him. He was goofy, teasing, and always happy, while my boyfriend is more calm, down to earth and intellectual. With my boyfriend I can have deep conversations and talk about life,… Read more »

Savannah
5 months ago

Please help ladies! I’m 17 and a junior in high school. I live in the U.S., and my ex boyfriend currently lives in Italy. Our relationship was difficult because we’re so far apart, but I was willing to make things work. He took me for granted a little bit when we dated even though I was a very good girlfriend. After our relationship ended about a month and a half ago, this boy (we’ll call him J) dm-ed me on Instagram. We started talking and he was very sweet and shy. Right now, we’ve established that we both like each… Read more »

Cathern Huffman
5 months ago

Hi I’ve been in a relationship with this guy for 2years now. I have yet to meet any of his family or been to where he lives. He also only comes over on Friday and Saturday evenings and we hardly ever go anywhere. He says he loves me,but this isn’t how you show it

Gemma
5 months ago

I started a relationship with a man 3 years ago he is very kind and generous but not affectionate said he has never been affectionate even though l have told him it’s so important to me to have hugs making love is nearly non existent as he works long hours and is always tired he is not a deep communicator which l need and has little money but l have always felt a huge spark with him lm very attracted to him but after a year of my needs or concerns not being met and heard l unexpectantly met a… Read more »

Krissi Grimstead
5 months ago

My situation is a bit weird to say the least lol. So a couple months ago there was this guy that my friends introduced me to and we hit it off, (mind you we have a big group of friends that get together every so often and both guys i’m gonna talk about come from that same big friend group) but him and i agreed that since we were both recent out of previous relationships we didn’t want anything serious. Let’s call him guy A, guy A and I became friends with benefits but because we were good friends it… Read more »

Mary
5 months ago

I need help. I’m torn between two men – one is my ex boyfriend who cheated on me after being together nine years. Our relationship had gone stale and we weren’t sleeping together anymore, but he still cheated. Right after that I met a new guy who is very attentive, romantic and sweet. Sex is awesome too. But he is military and has that tough guy persona and a few times he has gotten angry at other people unnecessarily, and that terrifies me. My ex is calm and never yells, and I can’t seem to let him go. Logically the… Read more »

Araoluwa
5 months ago

Join

Araoluwa
5 months ago

I don’t know who to pick in love with two guys

Araoluwa
5 months ago

Confused

Araoluwa
5 months ago

Am confused in Choice

Lola
4 months ago

I have trouble deciding between one of two men in my life. Both have been my exes and now are trying to win me back. I’m in love with my first ex for 5+ years but He has not made the decision to want to date me because he thinks we still need to work on each other. He is always indecisive if he wants to be with me or not. after so many years of separation, he doesn’t tell me his feelings but he shows them by taking me out to places, and I have the most fun with… Read more »

Aaliya
3 months ago

My situation is so messed up and i need all the advice and judgement (it’s fine) i can get. I am 22 and started talking to this guy i met online 3 years ago(he’s 32) and we’ve been on and off during this 3years,around January this year(2020)he asked for a break to refocus and canceled our trip to meetup(which he paid for) cause i did something so not nice to him and it did hurt him(which i am not proud of). He was pose to be off for a month but he lost his bro-in-law and that made him take… Read more »

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