3 Reasons to Move SLOW While Dating

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I was speaking to a client the other day, and she was super excited to tell me that she’d met this amazing guy, and sparks were flying.

The only problem was that he was moving pretty fast. He was texting and calling and wanted to see her all the time. He took her out Thursday night and wanted to see her on Friday and again on Saturday!

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She likes him, so she wants to spend time with him. But I told her to slow things down because it’s so important to pace the progression of your connections (Little Love Step #5) at this stage when dating.

Here are three reasons why you’ve got to move slowly like a tortoise, even if you get that urge to sprint ahead.

  1. It gives you time to really get to know someone

in the first one to two months of dating, people are usually wearing some sort of mask and not showing you their whole hand. This is normal because you’ve just met and are still feeling each other out.

But we need to see what that man is like underneath the mask before we go exclusive with him and before we commit our heart to him.

Exclusivity is a big deal. You’re removing yourself from the dating field and declaring that this is the person you see a long-term future with. Let yourself really get to know someone so you can make the right choice for you and the life you want to build.

  1. It allows you to be in control of the process

When you pace things and tell a man you want to take things slow and get to know him before you commit, it does two powerful things.

#1. It builds tension in your connection.

#2. It puts you firmly in the power seat and keeps him chasing you. And this is exactly where you want to be.

When you move slower than he wants to move, it will automatically make him want to speed things up!

  1. It gives you an opportunity to weed out the men who can’t handle pacing

Some men (like love bombers) are far too controlling and can’t stand it when a woman doesn’t do what they say, and these men tend to be terrible long-term partners.

In the early stages of dating, the problem is that these guys can be difficult to spot because they’re on their best behavior, trying to wine and dine you.

So when you hit the brakes, it gives you a great opportunity to see which men are okay with that. Who is okay with you setting the pace and following suit, and who throws all their toys out of the baby stroller?

Ditch the baby stroller guys, and continue dating the men happy to match your pace.

What do you think? Share your thoughts below...

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Monica A
1 year ago

I have been told to move slow, but didn’t really know why, until your video. Thank you!! I don’t need another controlling narcissist in my life. I am in control of my life now, after a ten year hiatus from my last abusive marriage. I value your videos and knowledge and when I am ready to date again, if ever, I’ll have the answers I need.

1 year ago

Yes I’m ready

1 year ago

I’m confused because a guy just recently asked me out at work when I told him I had recently become single and he said he is interested but now he isn’t asking to see me or anything is that a normal slow pace? Or is that just a guy who isn’t really interested at all?

1 year ago
Reply to  Jill

Sounds like it’s time to move on from him. Next!

1 year ago

I was going slow. Was seeing someone for about 4 months. He knew I was not ready for sex. Then he put something in my drink and I have no recollection of that night.

1 year ago
Reply to  Joanne

Wow! Horrible.

Sandy keefe
1 year ago

I am going with a guy right now, we have only known each other for a month. He is a good man, but he does work full time, and his work that he does is very demanding, so he does work long hours, he also is raising a 17 year daughter, so on his spare time he likes to gulf, I just wish , that we could spend a little bit more time together.We only see each other maybe once a week. And he tries to come over when he can, and he also brings his work with him, as… Read more »

1 year ago
Reply to  Sandy keefe

Sounds like he is doing everything right, especially if you have only been seeing each other one month.

1 year ago

Great reminders on the “why.” Thank you!!

1 year ago

I always love to hear your thoughts on men and dating! I learnt the hard way in the past that going fast so does not work. I have been single for a long time, and will need to really remember this when I finally do meet someone! lol 🙂

1 year ago

Just got rid of a horrible love bomber. He’s been alone for 9 years, so he wants to get married NOW! I wasn’t happy with such a big step so soon, and told him I expect to be courted, and get to know him.

He disappeared, only to pop up a week later. I sent him packing, only to have him pop up AGAIN after two weeks. Next!

Did I dodge a bullet or what?

1 year ago

Would be interEstes in a video about pacing once you’re in a relationship. Curious on your take for pacing living together/marriage etc?!?

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1 year ago

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1 year ago

I’ve been seeing this man exclusively for almost 6 months now, but we have known each other at least 25 years. Our second date together was a day of hiking and just walking and talking and it felt like we had been a couple for years. Kissing got a little steamy very unexpectedly and we stopped it at that. The next day he said he wasn’t expecting to feel that way so quickly, that he knows he can be completely himself with me and didn’t want to rush things. We talk/text every day and see each other 2-3 times a… Read more »

1 year ago
Reply to  Holly

We have also never brought up love either. I figured if steamy kissing scared him that much, then I can’t be the first one to say I love you

1 year ago

What you share is great and useful to the community, with lots of useful information. Please continue to update. thanks! word puzzles

3 months ago

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2 months ago

What about the women that are widows, when dating? You know the ones that were married 45-50 years…..I’ve been talking with a man for over a year, we have had several dates, we are exclusively seeing each other..he lives in another state, we have an understanding. His 2 sons are fine with our relationship. Mine are not. What advice do you have for me

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