5 Signs He’s The One You Should Stay With Forever
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So you’re online dating, trying to find the absolutely perfect man, and you’re looking for signs he’s the one. You’re seeking the guy who has every single thing that you want on that long list you know you’ve got.
He’s got to have the looks…
…the personality…everything you’re looking for. So you’re trying to find that guy, but after a while, you’re starting to feel like you’re withering away, sitting there in front of the computer looking for him.
I don’t want that to happen to you, so in this video and article, I’m going to get real with you about some practical signs he’s the one.
We live in a world of social media fantasy as it pertains to love. Don’t believe me? Just look at your social feed.
There’s that girlfriend of yours, who just met the perfect guy. She’s posting pictures of the two of them together looking moon-eyed on social media, and you feel a tinge of jealousy.
Oh by the way, he’s a doctor who drives a BMW and saves kittens from trees. Where the #$%@ is your do-gooder doc??
Stop comparing yourself to what you see on social media. For all you know, he kicks dogs and cheats on his taxes. Social media never reveals the whole story, though it’s a fact that many people allow what they see others post on social media to send them into a mire of depression and anxiety. I don’t want that for you, so I want you to stop focusing on the things that look good on paper (remember that list of superficial qualities you wanted in a man?) and stop comparing your life to what you see on social media.
5 Signs He’s the One for You
I have found with the women I’ve coached that often they’re looking for the wrong signs that he’s the one. They’re focusing on what he does for a living, where he lives, whether he’s into football or not.
I teach those women (just like I’m teaching you, Sexy Confident lady) to shift their thinking and open up to more accurate signs he’s the one. Here are better ways to assess whether this guy is right for you or not.
1. He Uses the Words “We” and “Us”
In a study at the University of Texas at Austin, researchers found that people who felt deeply connected to their partners were more likely to use plural pronouns such as “we” and “us” rather than the singular “I” or “me.”
So why is that? People who are best in relationships are those who give a lot without asking for much in return. As a result, those people’s partners give a lot too, and they’re both really happy in that relationship.
So pay attention in conversation with your guy and with others: does he tell his best friend that “he” has plans this weekend..or that “we” do? Here’s a great story to illustrate this:
My friend Sara has been dating Ben for two months. Ben has a community garden plot that he works on every weekend. Sara has started accompanying him. When he asked her what she wanted to grow, she said, “I don’t know. It’s your garden.”
He replied, “No, it’s our garden.”
Ben is invested in this relationship and wants to share his world with Sara.
2. He’s Your Best Friend
If you’ve never been in love, it can be challenging to know what the signs are that he could be the one. You might have been in a long-term relationship before…or even married for years, but that doesn’t mean you’ve actually been in love.
But even if you’ve never truly been in love, you probably have had a best friend before. Right? That’s the gauge I want you to use to decide if he’s showing signs he’s “the one”.
Think about your best friend (now or in the past). Think of all of the attributes of that friendship. You can trust your best friend. She makes you laugh. She gives advice when you want it and keeps quiet when you don’t. She challenges you to be a better person.
Now think about the relationship you’re in. Does it have similar qualities? Ask yourself:
Does he really care about me?
Is he interested in the things that I do in my life?
Do we have the chemistry that I’ve had with other best friends in my life?
If you look at your relationship and realize, yes, he’s like a best friend, then this is a good indicator that it’s a great relationship, and it’s one of the signs he’s the one!
3. You’re Attracted to Him
Now this seems like an obvious sign that he’s the one, but I’ve seen it time and time again: women going for guys based on what they look like on paper, while in reality, they’re not that attracted to them. There’s just no spark.
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My advice is to look for that spark. It might not happen on the first date, but if you’re not feeling it by the second, then move on, because, as good as this guy looked on paper, there’s not that alchemy you need for a sustainable relationship. I know it can be frustrating to have a great guy in front of you and not feel those butterflies, but you can’t force chemistry.
4. The Relationship Has Costly Commitment Signals
“Adam, what the heck are costly commitment signals??”
This is just a fancy term for making certain sacrifices for each other, even if historically, you’ve always been more about looking out for yourself and maybe not putting that much effort into a relationship.
Psychologists coined this term to describe how we do things that “cost” us either in terms of our time, money, or emotions, simply because we want to help our significant other. Think about these two scenarios:
A friend from college who you barely talk to asks you to help her move across town.
The man you’re completely gaga over asks you to help him move.
Which one are you more likely to want to do? Probably help your boyfriend. Why? Because although it’s a pain to help anyone move, you think that “cost” is worth it because you really care about him.
A 2015 study carried out by psychologists at Japan’s Kobe University found that relationships where this kind of behavior, these costly commitment signals, was either absent or infrequent, were less likely to go the distance.
That makes sense, right? If you’re unwilling to give yourself and your time, it’s probably because you don’t see things working out long-term with this guy.
5. Your Lives are Compatible
I once had a client with two kids aged 4 and 7. I was helping her get out there and meet a lot of men. But the one she really clicked with was an Army sergeant. They really connected and had a lot in common. The only problem was…he had to relocate to a different military base every year.
Unfortunately, at the time, she didn’t want to move her young kids frequently, so she was unwilling to make that sacrifice to move with him each year. He was unwilling to quit his job to be with her and put down roots. Suffice it to say, the relationship ended.
This is an example of how, even if you’ve got great chemistry and have a lot in common, if you don’t have that compatibility, it just isn’t one of the signs he’s the one.
Have you ever felt like that? Like everything with a guy clicks…except one thing? And that thing is compatibility. Leave a comment below and share your story.
So now that you’ve read about some of the signs he’s the one, how does this man you’re with stack up? If you immediately were like, “yeah, he totally uses “we” and he’s my best friend!” then there’s a good chance that this man is the man.
But what if you’re scrambling to try to see those signs he’s the one…and coming up short? Maybe he does just enough “guy things” to question his sanity (or your own)? I understand that you are ready to let love into your life, but my dear, I absolutely don’t want you to settle for the wrong guy. I know you’re impatient, but sadly you will never be able to force this guy to be Mr. Right.
I encourage you to end this relationship if it’s not sparking that magic that it should. You need to free yourself up so that when the right man comes along, you’re available and ready for him.
Adam—You consistently have great information that makes perfect sense….and you have a nice style in how you relay it. Thank you!!
This makes all the sense in the world. I’ve been seeing this amazing guy for nearly 5 months (wow! can’t believe its been that long already) and we can talk about everything and anything under the sun. Still remember asking him those difficult questions about partners and STDs and HIV while I was about to donate blood and was sending him screenshots of the questions. We still laugh about it but how else was I going to ask those questions? The sacrifices / costly commitment signals – something we both do on a regular basis without thinking about it. If… Read more »
hey good one