Dating a Younger Man? Here are 13 Things You Should Know

dating a younger man

Dating a younger man? It can be fun, especially if you’re 40 or older and figuring out what you want in terms of dating and relationships. But realize: dating a younger man is definitely different from dating a man your age or even older. There will be things you like (his energy) and things that drive you crazy (the fact that he has no clue who Max Headroom is).

Tips for Dating a Younger Man

Some women exclusively date younger men: in fact, 31% of older women prefer dating younger men. Others may try it once or twice and decide that it’s not for them. There’s no telling which way you’ll feel about dating an older man until you have your own experience.

Here are a few of the things you should be aware of if you do.

1. He’ll Have a Different Perspective

Michelle, who’s 40, went on a date with the younger man she was seeing; they went out for a trivia night at a local brewery.

A question about Max Headroom came up.

“Who’s Max Headroom?” her date asked.

“Are you kidding me?” Michelle wondered.

Later, a question about the Care Bears was asked. Again, her date was clueless. Because he wasn’t even born when these ’80s pop culture icons were popular, he had no reference for them.

They went their separate ways not long after. Coincidence? Maybe…

Realize that in dating a much younger man, you won’t share many cultural references. A man four years younger than you, sure, will get much of the same things you do, but one around 10 years younger probably won’t.

And you might not get his either. You might hate the music and movies he’s into. It’s a generational divide, and you need to figure out how important it is to you to share cultural references or not.

2. He May Have a Different Sex Drive

It could be fun to date a man with a high sex drive!

While it’s not a blanket statement, younger men tend to have higher sex drives than men in their 40s, 50s, 60s, or older. In a study published in the Journal of Sex Research, female participants found that younger men (at least 5 years younger than them) had higher sex drives, could last longer during sex, were physically ready to have sex again sooner, and had more reliable erections than men their age.

If you’re coming into your sexual peak at whatever age you are, you are probably finding that men your age aren’t as eager to hop in bed quite as often as you are, which can leave you wanting more.

By dating a younger man, however, you may meet your match.

The opposite could be true too, so be aware of that. If sex has taken a back burner in importance in your life, you may disappoint a younger man who still wants to get it on fairly regularly.

3. He May Never Have Been Married or in a Long Relationship

You were married for 20 years…his longest relationship was six months. It may be jarring to meet someone who’s never had a long-term relationship (even if he hasn’t ever been married), and it’s something to be aware of if you hope that this will turn into something more serious.

If he doesn’t have experience in a longer relationship, he may not know how to make one work. And as you know, real relationships take work. How you treat one another, what you say, and what you do all matter.

You may quickly find that this man doesn’t know how to argue constructively and deal with the real issue at hand rather than screaming at you.

He may want to give up the first time things get tough.

He may have trouble opening up to you.

Or…he may so desperately want this to work out that he tries too hard.

He may be looking for a wife, while you’re not ready to go down that road again.

Just be aware that dating a younger man who doesn’t have the long-term relationship experience that you do may mean that you have to work harder to get to a good place, or that it will be too difficult to find even ground in a relationship together.

4. He May Want Kids

If you’re past wanting kids, let him know asap.

Your kids are nearly grown and you’re not interested in having more. Or maybe you can’t. But then you meet a man—a really great man—who says that he’d like to start a family one day.

Sadly, when only one of you wants to have kids, this can be a real dealbreaker. Realize that neither of you will likely change your mind and that it wouldn’t be fair for one of you to compromise what you want (who wants to have a kid with someone who really doesn’t want one? or give up the dream to have kids?).

If you’re dating a younger man, ask whether he wants kids early so that you can make your exit before things get serious and you both get hurt by breaking up.

5. He May Be More Adventurous and Spontaneous

The women I know who have dated younger men tend to love that these guys are more spontaneous and fun. I know women who were married for decades and rarely went out to eat with their husbands, let alone took a last-minute road trip. But then they started dating a younger man and they found themselves doing all sorts of things they never imagined doing.

Use this opportunity to say yes to more things. The more experiences you have, the more well-rounded you will be!

You may not be into skydiving, but why not let him take you on a day trip to see the flowers bloom in the desert out of town?

Never tried chicken feet? This guy can introduce you to new cuisine and expand your horizons.

If you’re used to planning every inch of your life, use this as an opportunity to let go and live a little.

6. He Might Love You Being in Control

via GIPHY

On the other hand, your need to control might be something that attracts him. He may like how in order your life is, and may be fine putting you in charge of making plans…or even in the bedroom.

Just be wary of this: no relationship should be extremely one-sided in terms of who has the power. If you’re attracted to a younger man because you can control him, that’s not a healthy balance for a real and lasting relationship.

7. He May (or May Not) Be Less Emotionally Mature Than You’d Like

If this younger guy has limited relationship experience, and depending on his personality, he might not have the emotional maturity that you do. This isn’t necessarily the case, because there are plenty of men who are more mature than even older women, but it’s a common enough thing that I want you to watch out for it.

Watch out especially for what I call Peter Pan types. You know the ones. They’ll woo you and then forget to pick you up for a date. They might text like crazy…and then stop texting for days. They have no consideration for your feelings, and are totally self-absorbed.

If you’re on dating sites, you can usually spot a Peter Pan pretty easily. His profile will talk about how into surfing, traveling, hiking, blah blah he is. How his dog is his baby. How he’s not looking for anything serious. And his pictures show that, while he might be incredibly hot, he spends an inordinate amount of time partying.

That’s not the guy for you.

It can be hard to gauge how emotionally mature a younger man is right away, so certainly give this guy a shot. But look for signs that he’s not where you are emotionally, and leave before you get in deeper.

8. He May Not Want a Relationship

He may just want to date, nothing more.

While this can be true of a man at any age, depending on what age man you’re dating, you might end up with one (or more) who isn’t ready to settle down.

His reasons for wanting to be single may range from the fact that he just got out of a relationship to just enjoying being footloose and fancy-free. But if you’re looking for The One, this man probably isn’t him, and you won’t be able to change his mind.

Again, have the conversation early on about what each of you are looking for. Many men will put what they want in their dating profiles (“hookups only,” “LTR,” or “looking for a woman to spoil”) so don’t ignore what’s right in front of you. Just don’t tell yourself that you’re okay with something casual if you’re secretly hoping that it will turn into more. That’s just a recipe for heartache.

9. He Probably Prefers Texting to Calling

If you’re dating a Millennial, chances are he’d prefer to text you than to call you. While texting can be incredibly helpful in letting you stay connected to friends, you may find yourself adrift using it as a communication tool in dating.

You can always suggest a phone call, but understand that for many younger men, a “phone” is really just a computer they use to text, post on Snapchat, and read Reddit. So you may make him incredibly uncomfortable in changing his preferred communication channel.

Your best bet is to step up your texting game. Learn how to get to know him in a few short sentences, while saving the bigger conversations for when you go out.

Or…if that just makes you crazy…date an older man!

10. He May Ghost You

Certainly, Millennials don’t hold the trademark on ghosting, but consider that 15% of Millennial men have ghosted a woman. They might want to avoid conflict, feel that you’re getting too clingy, or feel like you don’t live up to your online profile pics. Whatever the reason, it can be incredibly frustrating.

11. He Will Make You Feel Incredibly Sexy

There’s nothing wrong with a man that makes you feel sexy!

Just like there’s a certain assumption that dating a younger man means you basically have a hot pool boy serving your every need, there’s some cachet on his end as well for dating an older woman.

An older woman (a cougar, even) is seen as sexy and experienced. Younger men may love that you could teach them a thing or two in bed, and that you appreciate everything they do for you, from please you between the sheets to make you feel beautiful and adored.

I don’t see anything wrong with that, do you?

12. He Will Be in a Different Place Careerwise

One thing that can sometimes be a drawback when dating a younger man is that you’re likely going to be in different places in your lives, particularly when it comes to your careers. If you’re in your 40s or 50s, you’ve probably established your professional path and have settled into your field, whereas a guy in his 20s or 30s is just starting on that journey.

It can put pressure on a relationship.

It’s important to accept that you have different goals in your life. If you can do that, then it can work out long-term.

13. You May Be Keenly Aware of the Age Difference

Depending on the age gap between you and this guy, you may become self-conscious about that age difference. It can be particularly awkward when you spend time with his friends who are centered around clubbing or doing other things that you gave up years ago.

You may get looks from people on the street. Frankly, I don’t think you should care what anyone says if you’re into this guy, but if you’re sensitive, just be aware that this might bother you.

Conclusion:

For better or worse, there are plenty of good reasons to try dating a younger guy. It can be a great confidence boost, particularly if you took an emotional blow in a past relationship and are looking for a little amp up in that department.

If you’re open to just casually dating, you might have a blast with a younger man. And it is entirely possible that you could fall in love with one and have a long and happy relationship.

Because, as they say, age ain’t nothin’ but a number. You need to focus on finding the man that is your perfect fit, regardless of his age.

So…have you dated a younger man yet? What was your experience? Share it in the comments below!

Regardless of his age, you might want a little help learning to navigate the world of dating after 40. I’ve got you: this free training, How to Find Love After 40, will help you date with way more confidence than you ever had in your 20s or 30s. Sign up now, because space is limited!

 

dating a younger man

Also, if you’d like to join me on a brand new webinar to learn “why men flake, avoid commitment and consistently ghost until they meet a woman who’s following these 7 simple steps”, then register here (it’s 100% free).

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Adam LoDolce

Love Strategist

My true passion in life is transforming your love life by giving you specific tools and techniques that you can use to attract long lasting love. I got started when...Read Adam's Story

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Jacquie S
1 year ago

Yes I went out with a much younger man got to be his girl friend and got engaged after the year of being with him. On the opposite end , I was more sexual but not him I take care if my self my body and health more than him. I had similar or more energy than him to be adventurous at the same time. We love each other. He said I was his soulmate. The things went wrong because he has a drinking problem and let that affect his job and diabetes problems that he doesn’t care to prevent.… Read more »

Betty Boop
1 year ago
Reply to  Jacquie S

Yuck sorry about that

11 months ago
Reply to  Betty Boop

Eish Jacquie
I’m so sorry about that.. hope he realizes his mistakes and correct them especially about his health. We only live once and time wasted never regain…

Jeanette Rudy
1 year ago

Yes I am 6 1/2 years older than my ex. We had a rocky 10 months together. Would have fun together and the sex was great, but I wanted more and we fought a lot. Also a few factors came into play. I have two kids, I can’t give him children and he was hung up on the age difference. He never wanted to fully commit (become a step-dad and/or my official boyfriend) although his actions (the amount of time we spent together) indicated otherwise. I found him to be very narcissistic and, while I do still see him casually… Read more »

11 months ago
Reply to  Jeanette Rudy

Hi Jeanette I relate to what you saying… sometimes we get to be confused by the GOOD SEX and end up catching feelings though we are aware that this relationship is going no were. If you truly want to get over him then I’ll advise you to end the FWB relationship with him, cause if you continue with it, it’s gonna affect your current relationship. Learn to accept what you have and try to get satisfaction out of it. I know it sounds impossible but that’s the truth. Remember what you focus on expand, so the Choice is yours now.… Read more »

Charlotte
1 year ago

I am 40 and got divorced nearly a year ago. I started out by dating men my own age, but found many had let themselves go or were very set in their own ways. As I wasn’t really ready for anything serious right after my divorce, I figured I might as well have some fun and date younger men. I started out by dating some handsome men in their early 30’ies. I was very surprised by the quality of the younger guys that wanted to date me and that most of them were actually wanting something more serious once we’d… Read more »

Jewel
1 year ago
Reply to  Charlotte

I too just got out of a 17 year relationship and took a year for myself to grieve and grow. Today I’m happily dating a gorgeous 32 year old man. He’s a real man! Such a old soul. He is incredibly perceptive to all my “ requests and needs”. He is a great communicator and we both are willing to work out our differences. He keeps me in check, sets healthy boundaries which I need and unlike my ex husband doesn’t let me push him or boss him around. He is a very attentive man, although I’m pretty sure I… Read more »

Amber
1 year ago
Reply to  Charlotte

That’s so awesome! Congrats ♥️

Paula
1 year ago

I fell in love with a younger man and I can say he is the love of my life. He is 4 years younger then me and he is the most fascinating man I have ever met. He is a deep thinker, very profound and does not like hook-ups or anything that would waste his time. He is so involved in his personal development that its a wonder to watch him become even more of what he is. Looking back at guys my own age or older, I had never ever felt anything of the things you mentioned, Adam. The… Read more »

Laura
1 year ago

I am a 58 year old widow, married for 32 years and have found myself in a surprising relationship with a man who is 23. I wasn’t hunting, especially for that, I don’t love the term Cougar. He was the pursuer and was a relentless one somehow knowing the exact combination to what I thought was a locked room. I caved and it was terribly exciting, I hadn’t ever felt that way before in any of my relationships. He called it friends with benefits and I didn’t like that but neither of us really knew what to make of the… Read more »

Linda
1 year ago
Reply to  Laura

Thank you for your letter. I am a 59 year old woman and have a 29 year old who is interested. I have been very cautious and not crossing over the “friend line”. Thank you for giving me the courage.

Sandra Sanchez
7 months ago
Reply to  Linda

Hi is nice to hear this stories I’m 54 year old in a relationship with a 29 year old and ask myself. How crazy I am. I was married for 34 year old and gave myself a year date it older guys but nothing really was happening I was not looking for a 29 year old when I have a kids older then him but jut happen .

FemmeWonderful
1 year ago
Reply to  Laura

I lovvve this! I too am 58 and just met the sweetest 25 year old man! He’s long distance and only texts, so it’s going to be a challenge but I could totally see myself with this ball of sweetness!

Sandy
1 year ago
Reply to  Laura

Thank you, I am 49 and being chased by my friends, 23 yr old son. I met him nearly a year ago and in the last few months, we have become close friends ourselves. I thought, he was just a flirt and teasing me. In the last month, he’s told me he has feeling for me. I can’t lie, I have them for him. He’s told he thought of getting fixed in the past, having one special needs child, from DNA defect in his side. We have lots in common, from religion, music, ideals… It’s the age and being close… Read more »

Leslie
1 year ago
Reply to  Sandy

I have been feeling very strange…I’ve been having this weird relationship with a guy..I think he’s 27..not sure..I’m 52..I didn’t pursue him..he pursued me..and he is my friends son

And she doesn’t know..I feel really guilty…but not sure what to do about it..should I end it??it’s really really intense.
Like almost too much… please give me some advice

Karin
1 year ago

Lucky you! It looks like a match made in heaven. He’s a keeper.

I have been approached by a younger man, he’s 32 and I’m 65! He seems very interested but he doesn’t follow up on his promises, he sometimes doesn’t text me for a couple of weeks. So, a typical millennial.
I’m going to put a stop to it because this is not the way to go about it.

I have had casual sex with younger men and thoroughly enjoyed it, they have so much energy and stamina. Give me a younger man anytime!

JOSEPH
1 year ago
Reply to  Karin

SMILES

1 year ago
Reply to  Karin

I’m 53 and would love to meet you.

19 days ago
Reply to  Karin

Very interesting also happened to me

D
1 year ago

That’s wonderful , I’m happy for you. unfortunately the younger guy I was with, turned out just to be a fling since he liked to date several women at one time, and I am way past that phase of my life , although I still think we could’ve been really good together, we had a lot in common we live next-door to each other and we get along really well . Best of luck to you.

DR
1 year ago

That’s wonderful , I’m happy for you. unfortunately the younger guy I was with, turned out just to be a fling since he liked to date several women at one time, and I am way past that phase of my life , although I still think we could’ve been really good together, we had a lot in common we live next-door to each other and we get along really well . Best of luck to you.

Janie
1 year ago

Very nice!

Amber
1 year ago

I’ve recently dated a younger guy – 24 and I am 39! Lol I never expected it. But I waited for the 4th date to sleep w him. He’s actually more mature for his age. He’s easy going and fun to be around, he’s very sweet and complimentary. But I found myself Borden pretty quickly – we aren’t the most compatible in bed, and I have realized that I need that mental connection to really get into the sex. He does talk about wanting kids which I will not have any more kids for anyone, so I know it’s not… Read more »

tyran
1 year ago

after reading this from today i will never feel guilty about dating this man. I am 47 and he is 31. we have been dating for 5 months. he makes me feel so good. as it is my first time to date a young man i dont even regret it. he works and he is very supportive.

Liz
1 year ago
Reply to  tyran

wow…same age difference with my guy….just dating 2 months…and althought we have steemy make out sessions….no intercourse yet….he wants it to be special….

Sofia
1 year ago

I dated a gorgeous guy 11 years younger than me (25 vs 36) for a couple of months. At first he was super into me, acted like we were together, took me to hang out with his friends, acted like he adored me and you could see he tried to act more mature to be more on my level. Eventually I moved away but wanted to try to see him long distance until we decided what to do next. He was adamant he did not want it, and when we broke up, he said things such as “I never considered… Read more »

TH
1 year ago

Wow! These comments are exactly what I needed for the conformation to proceed with this young handsome 28 year old I just met. I am 42 and he has been that breath of fresh air that I needed. I was opposed to it at first because he is so close in age to my son that it felt weird. They even share the exact birth date. Well it’s pretty fresh so we will she how it goes but I am going to let my guard down, have fun and just enjoy it.

Mary
1 year ago

I am 47 and just started a fling with a 27 year old, just a few years older than my own kids. I was tired of being approached by married men my own age who assumed that because I am single I would be desperate for their lame attention. After reading this and these comments I don’t feel guilty or strange to be doing this. As long as we are mutually benefitting from this relationship then we’ll continue it. I don’t see myself ever actively looking for a relationship with a man who isn’t younger at this point.

Ann
1 year ago

All these stories are so inspiring! I’m seeing a man 6 years younger (54 v 48), but we are exactly in the same stage, that the age seems a formality only. We have children the same age, we were married in our first marriages at exactly the same year. The sex is atmospheric! I’ve dated other guys my age or older and they can’t keep up. So, I do think that you are both in the same “life stage” is important. That said, a lot of guys are not interested in kids, so the fact that the pressure is off… Read more »

Sylvie
1 year ago

I am actually living with a younger, much younger man. I am 53 and he’s 29. We could not be more compatible on so many planes. I am very much live and let live, vibrant, full of energy, more than he does ahahahah. My sex drive is slightly higher than his but it’s all good. We love the same movies, music, I am a fitness instsructor so the stuff he used to listen to when he was younger is stuff I would use for my fitness classes, great stuff!!! WE are both fitness nuts and very much into healthy eating… Read more »

Sandra Sanchez
7 months ago
Reply to  Sylvie

Nice to hear that I’m In the same situation we have a lot of things we like but the hanging around with his friend drinking and getting. High is a little to much for me I do sometimes but not in a every day or weekends basis we workout together and he is my soulmate. You

Kerren
1 year ago

That’s awesome! A positive perspective to read. I’m fresh out if a 19 year relationship with a younger man (46 v’s 37). We have two beautiful children: 15 & 4 years old. I was pregnant at 41! Sadly, we grew apart. His desire to party grew as the family responsibilities grew. He holidayed abroad each year my son has lived, with mates from the pub. On our first family holiday- a campsite in Dorset – he worked the first two days. He felt he had to grow up too quickly, and acted this out each weekend and, the last two… Read more »

Maki
1 year ago

I have been dating this 10years younger man for 6months now(43v33)i met him while in a divorce process&he has been supportive since…he chat with me almost everyday to check on me…Yes we spoke about our differences as i already have kids&he has none…We agreed that he can have kids but our relationship we still go on cause the chemistry is too high between us.

Yes there are challenges there&there but we always have solutions for them but up to so far he makes me feel young&happy everyday.

I met one of my daughter’s flings on messenger. He was heart broken because she never answered his text after “using” him. I had issues with my daughter because of her life style and the stupid decisions that she makes. She is dating a looser and I actually was trying to get my daughter to date this guy instead. That did not work out to my advantage lol . Everything started because of that. After a couple of dates he told me that he was interested, and even thought my thoughts and principles were against it, I caved in. The… Read more »

A
1 year ago

Hi, i have been struggling with the age difference i have with the man i see. I am 29 and he is 24. We are a perfect match in how we want to spend our time together, we respect that each of us needs some time to himself, we have the same sense of humor, but i am in that age that i want to find a man that i can see a future life with him you know. And i am not sure that a 24-year-old can do that. We discussed this openly, he said that he does see… Read more »

Asana
1 year ago
Reply to  A

I’m in the exact same position and the age difference is very similar me 29 and he is 23. We are compatible in so many ways but I can’t help but feel that we are at different stages in our lives. At times it’s the intellectual conversations that I’ve also really missed but aside from that it’s more about settling down that I’m unsure about. We do speak about the future but financially I’m not sure how realistic that is at this point. How long have you dated for?

jacqueline
1 year ago

well I am 64 years young and my husband just left in january of 2019. I was so devistated and very heart broken after 27 years of marriage .checking out dating sites . I started After going thru some some really bad dates I started talking to this 27 year old. We hit it off pretty well , we did the video chat thing and talked on the phone a few times. I thought he was so handsome and very interesting. Hes eygptian and has a very sexy accent . Hes a workaholic and very dedicated to his job. We… Read more »

Rick
6 months ago
Reply to  jacqueline

There is nothing wrong with dating a younger man. I’ve always loved dating older women. I’m a bit concerned about you though, long distance relations almost never work because both of you never get to experience your weaknesses and flaws, talking about them is never the same as experiencing the real him. Please be careful, I have been there and it’s NOT fun.

Zanyika
1 year ago

I’m 36 and was soooo over men. . .a quick G&T on my way home and I found myself in the arms of a 20 yr old Gentlemen. Goodness knows, I think our ages are reversed! Im the social butterfly & as likeable as he is, prefers privacy…my sex drive out ways his by far although he makes me feel like the most beautiful woman by just looking at me (guess he thought me something…when sexy butterfly in the stomach times fades, what is left?? FRIENDSHIP!) At the end of the day…isnt that truly what makes every relationship lasts? He… Read more »

Linda
9 months ago

How do you find out the age of the guy I’m interested in? I see him every day, great personality, fun and handsome. He gave me his work number and personal number which he said is right by his ear! Help! I’ve been divorced and want love and fun times.

Angeleigha
6 months ago
Reply to  Linda

Google, Facebook, LinkedIn.
Not sure it matters, go out with him.

Angeleigha
6 months ago
Reply to  Angeleigha

The 23 year old I met has an amazing ability to make me feel special. He is tentative, and kind. Why didn’t I look for men like this when I was younger?

2 months ago

I have a younger man of 22 years younger and he is well, he is gorgeous, eyes that are hypnotic, and he just told me at some point, “I have never known anyone like YOU!” There were signs tho’ that put this relationship on a hold. He was not educated as I am. Experience, et al. Yes, he was gorgeous. But he kept pointing out how educated I was and he was a high school drop out. Damn. He was absolutely so handsome and so young and I do not know why he spurred on something “hormonal” in me –… Read more »

Kapulei
2 months ago

Sweet heavenly

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