Dating an Older Man: Pros, Cons, + Advice For The Modern Woman

dating an older man

I know a lot of women who prefer dating an older man. Remember when you were a teen and your mom said that girls were two years more mature than guys the same age?

Whether you believed it then or not, dating in your 40s or older reveals that dating an older man can have perks over dating a younger man.

The good news is: 60% of men are attracted to younger women, so you’re a hot commodity for anyone older, whether that’s two years older or, if you’re into it, 20.

Dating an older man can have some pretty great benefits. There are also, however, some drawbacks to be aware of. Let’s look at both so you can decide whether dating an older man is appealing to you or not.

Pros to Dating an Older Man

You’ve dated your share of men your age…and even younger. Clearly, you haven’t found what you’re looking for yet, so why not go with someone older and more wiser? While all of these won’t be true of every older man (after all, many suffer from Peter Pan syndrome), as a whole, you’re going to realize more of these benefits with an older man.

1. He’s Financially Stable

An older man is past the early-20s “what am I doing with my life” phase. There’s a good chance he’s midway in his career, and therefore at least somewhat financially stable.

Being financially stable isn’t about making $300k a year. It’s about being smart with his money. Maybe investing it or buying a house. It basically is the opposite of being broke, which is a libido-killer for most women.

It’s nice to date a man who can afford to pay for dinner.

Whose car doesn’t break down in front of your house…

Who has more than one shirt…

Who could afford to take a spontaneous weekend getaway with you…

There’s appeal in that, and you can’t always find it with a younger guy who’s still struggling to find his foothold in his career.

2. He Doesn’t Play Games

He’s already played games in his 20s…and he’s over it.

A young man doesn’t know what he wants, and so he plays those cat-and-mouse games we all hate. An older man, especially one who’s already been married once, knows what he wants. If he’s ready for a long-term relationship, he’ll make it known. You won’t wonder. He’s not out to waste time; he wants to know within a few dates whether you have potential or not.

Now, I’m not saying every older man is ready to settle down again. Plenty want to continue to play the field. But they’ll be more upfront about it if they’re older. At least then you know immediately whether you want to pursue something with him or not, based on whether your goals are aligned.

3. He Has More Confidence

confident man

An older man is more likely to be sure of himself and what he wants.

Chalk it up to older men having more life experience: they tend to be more confident. They’ve been around the block: sexually, financially, career-wise, and in love. They’re not timid about sharing their opinions. They carry themselves with a cocksure attitude that you find appealing.

If you’ve dated younger guys that were wimpy and lacked confidence, it’s understandable you’d consider dating an older man. That take-charge attitude and the desire to take care of his woman is plenty appealing.

4. Jealousy Takes a Backseat

Younger guys tend to be jealous at the drop of a hat.

“Dude. That bank teller was totally checking you out. WTF?”

It’s yawn-inducing, I know. But how nice is it to be with a man who knows that, from time to time, another man will admire his lady…and not freak out about it?

It goes back to that confidence thing. He’s assured of what he has (including you) and isn’t threatened by another man.

5. His Status is Appealing

Some critics of women dating older men say they do so because they have “daddy issues,” but a recent study proved otherwise. Here’s what it said:

“…it is evolutionarily beneficial for women to seek older mates, and that there will be no significant difference in attachment styles between women in age-gap versus similar-age relationships.”

What this means is that it’s an evolutionary pattern that women are drawn to older men, in part because of their status and resources.

Think about it. If you were pumping gas and a gorgeous Lamborghini/Tesla/Porsche pulled up next to you with a good-looking older man in it, wouldn’t you do a double-take?

Don’t you find photos of men speaking on stage on dating apps appealing?

When you find out a guy you just met is a doctor, doesn’t your mouth water?

These are all status indicators, and they’re part of the attraction factor. It’s completely natural for you to be drawn to a man because of his status. It subtly communicates to you that he can take care of you, and that life with him would be fun!

6. He’s Mature

mature couple

Dating a mature man may be a relief for you!

While most of the above benefits of dating an older man fall under the “he’s just more mature” category, it’s worth pointing out additional perks of dating a mature man.

He has his sh*t together, first and foremost. He’s likely been in at least one long-term relationship, so he knows how to give to his partner and compromise when necessary. A mature man isn’t in the middle of an identity crisis. He knows who he is and what he wants, and he isn’t shy about communicating that.

7. Communication Comes Easily

Speaking of communication, there’s a better chance that an older guy will be a better communicator than a younger one. Again, if he’s been in at least one long-term relationship, the subject of communication more than likely came up, so hopefully, he’s learned how to express himself in constructive ways that will make him a good partner.

Dating an older man may surprise you: he may be a better listener than anyone younger that you’ve been with. And if you prefer talking on the phone to texting, there’s a good chance he does too.

8. Baby Time May Be Over

If you’ve already had kids in your past relationship or don’t want any in the future, dating an older man is a good path for you, because it’s less likely that he’s interested in having (more) kids. He may even have grown children, which may be easier to deal with if you get serious and end up living together or married (you’re not the wicked stepmother to small children).

Having a relationship with an older man without the focus being on raising children gives you the ability to really bond and connect with no distractions.

Cons to Dating an Older Man

controlling man

Dating an older man may have drawbacks.

Every man is different, regardless of his age. But these are a few things to be aware of if you consider dating an older man.

1. He Might Be a Bit Controlling

Because older men usually know what they want, they can have a strong need to control a situation…and also you.

The older we get, the more set in our ways we are. It goes both ways. But you’ve both got to be able to compromise in order to make a relationship work.

If, when you start dating an older guy, you immediately get the sense that he’s controlling, walk away. You need a man who will let you be you and won’t try to change you.

2. Life May Be Less Exciting

The last guy you dated took you to parties. You went out for dinner or drinks often.

This older guy wants to stay home every night of the week.

He’s already had his party years. He’s done going out and being social. So you’re left…yawning.

While it depends on the person, you may find that an older man prefers his routines and may not be as keen to go out. If it’s important to you to have an active social life, dating an older man may not be for you.

3. He Might Want To Settle Down Too Fast

engagement ring

An older man may be overeager to settle down.

Like I said in the pro section: older men know what they want. If this one is looking for a long-term relationship, he might move a little fast for your tastes.

If…

…on the first date, he asks your ring size…

…he starts shopping for a house for the two of you early on…

…he tells you he loves you after only a few dates…

…you need to pump the breaks. You likely want a serious relationship too, but you know you can’t rush it. If it’s meant to be with this guy, it will happen. Speeding into becoming an established couple never works.

4. People Think You Have Daddy Issues

Here’s an interesting fact: 20% of men getting married the second time around marry someone who is 10 years or more younger than them. If the age difference between you two is significant, expect some raised eyebrows and negative opinions.

Many people feel that women who date significantly older men are looking for a substitute for their father. Maybe they had a bad relationship with their dads or maybe he was absent while they grew up. Even if this isn’t the case for you, realize that there are a lot of opinions out there about women who date much older men (far fewer opinions about the men in those relationships, which is totally unfair), so be prepared to deal with it.

5. You May Feel Immature

Among your friends, you are the mature one. They turn to you for advice, and you’ve got a level head on your shoulders.

But when you date a much older guy, you may feel like a baby. He’s lived so much more life than you. He’s had more experiences. And if he makes you feel that way, you’ll struggle all the more.

You want a man you can learn from, regardless of his age. Just make sure he’s not taking on the role of your teacher without you wanting him to be.

6. You May Not Get Along with His Friends

cold shoulder

His friends may give you the cold shoulder.

This man may be head over heels for you, so he’s willing to compromise on the differences that your ages create. But his friends are another story altogether. They may not understand why he’s dating you and may give you the cold shoulder. It may be challenging to get them to take you seriously. If he’s worth it, you’ll put in the effort, but realize they may never accept you fully.

7. He May Not Be in Shape

Certainly, there are many older men who take care of their bodies, but if you’ve only dated younger men, you may not even know what an older guy’s body looks like. It may, quite honestly, turn you off.

You may have a meeting of the minds with this man, but are you physically attracted to him as well? It takes both for a well-rounded relationship.

Advice on Dating an Older Man

older couple

Dating an older man brings you new perspective.

If you do decide to date an older guy, realize that the experience will be different from any past relationship.  But 56% of women (who prefer dating older men) clearly have figured out how to get the most out of a relationship with an older guy, so take the following advice to heart to make this relationship successful.

Be Prepared for a Bumpy Road with Friends and Family

I touched on this a minute ago, but things may be challenging as he introduces you to the people who matter to him. They may assume he’s just having a fling with a younger woman, and may not be ready to accept that you two are long-term.

Be patient. It will take time for his friends and family to accept you. Be gracious when you’re with them, and do your best to engage them in conversations to show that you’re interested in developing a relationship with them.

Don’t Be a Trophy

While this isn’t necessarily going to happen to you, realize that some men date younger women as a sort of trophy. It makes them feel powerful and desired if they can snag a much younger woman.

You don’t want to be part of that. If you date an older guy, it’s not because he’s older that you’re attracted to him, but because he’s got a great personality, etc.

If he starts parading you around like food on a platter, that’s a red flag that he’s not into you because of who you are.

If He Has Children, Love Them

Maybe you never planned to have kids and now you’re with an older man who has them. If you’re serious about him, the kids are part of the package, so it will serve your relationship well if you put effort into getting to know them and having a relationship with them.

Depending on the kids’ ages and personalities, they may take a while to warm up to you. Give it time. Don’t try to be a second mother to them, but a friend. Find opportunities to spend time with them on your own and do things they’re interested in. He’ll take notice and fall even harder for you!

Don’t Make Jokes About His Age

Just like you don’t like being called a baby because you’re younger, this man doesn’t like it when you make jokes about him being an old man. It’s not cool. If age really doesn’t matter to you, you won’t make an issue of it.

Ask your friends not to make jokes either.

Respect His Past

An older man more than likely has a past that involves at least one major relationship. If he has kids, his ex may still be in his life. Don’t make things worse by acting jealous or bringing up past relationships. You’re with him now; what’s past is past. You want the same mindset from him.

Be Open to What He Can Teach You

A man who’s been around the block a few extra times has a lot to give. He may have hobbies that you’ve never even considered taking up (sailing, anyone?), so if you’re open, you might find new things that you discover you love to do.

He may also have wisdom gleaned from past relationships that can help you be a better partner. So listen and see what you can learn.

Conclusion:

mature man

Dating a mature man can enhance your life in many ways.

If you’re sick of dating younger guys, it may be time for something different. Dating an older man will at least give you a new perspective on men and relationships. You may find that you’re different with an older man versus a younger one. Maybe you’re the one who needs control in a relationship with a younger guy, but you find that you really like being taken care of with an older man.

Bottom line is: it doesn’t matter how old the guy you fall for is. He just needs to have the qualities you’re seeking in a partner. He should be kind and loving and meet you in the middle in terms of effort put into a relationship. He should make you feel like a queen.

What’s your experience dating an older man? Love it or hate it? Share your tips in the comments below.

Whether you’re interested in dating an older man, a younger man, or a man exactly your age, you need my Attract the One Workshop to find him. Get on the list today!

dating an older man
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Adam LoDolce

Love Strategist

My true passion in life is transforming your love life by giving you specific tools and techniques that you can use to attract long lasting love. I got started when...Read Adam's Story

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laura
2 years ago

Haa ha, one thing you left out is he is just getting older and older. If he is say, 55 and you are 30 when you are 40, he will be 65 and will be getting older by the minute. Get ready to change his diaper. And sorry most older men are just not very good in bed compared to their younger more and more energetic counterparts who don’t have to take pills to get it up

Julie
1 year ago
Reply to  laura

That’s a terrible remark to make. Did you really have to say that. Horrible. It’s not nice.

cassidy
1 year ago
Reply to  laura

I am dating a 48 year old right now, did not realize his age when we met because he looks so amazing and he can literally make love for hours everyday if I want him to! guess I lucked out

Amanda
1 year ago
Reply to  cassidy

I’m 30, he’s 44, and he has the libido of a 20 year old and can get it up at the drop of a hat. He treats me like a queen, always satisfies me in the bedroom, and can go for multiple sessions. Guess I lucked up too. Did I mention he’s in incredible shape, too?

Janet
4 months ago
Reply to  cassidy

48 it’s not the same as 68 at 68 most men can’t get it up unless they take the blue pill

Shawnjanika
1 year ago
Reply to  laura

I understand your perception and you may be correct in some or many instances. I don’t know how anyone else experience, but I can tell you my personal story. I’m 47, my girlfriend is 31. When I was young I thought I was an amazing lover, but looking back on it I wasn’t. I didn’t understand the complexity of arousal and how to truly satisfy a woman. Sure, I may have had more energy back then, but it was like a shotgun blast; some hit the target but other parts of the shots missed entirely. Today, I grab all that… Read more »

Anonymous
1 year ago
Reply to  laura

I totally disagree with this… sex with my older man is beyond some of the best sex I’ve ever had! It’s AMAZING & I can’t get enough of it. I just turned 30 & he’s 50, this has been one of the best experiences of my life

Amanda
1 year ago
Reply to  Anonymous

I’m 30, he’s 44, and he has the libido of a 20 year old and can get it up at the drop of a hat. He treats me like a queen, always satisfies me in the bedroom, and can go for multiple sessions. Guess I lucked up too. Did I mention he’s in incredible shape, too?

Anonymous
1 year ago
Reply to  laura

Completely disagree with Laura. I’m 26 and he is soon to be 61 but damn my man is fine. Not only is he super smart, he is amazing in bed, he happens to be my best friend and mentor. He’s also in great shape, much better shape than me actually. We both have a past and have agreed to respect each other’s pasts. He’s protective and treats me really well. I feel so lucky and wouldn’t ever wanna be apart from him.

10 months ago
Reply to  laura

It seems you just want a man that will fuck life out of you

10 months ago
Reply to  laura

Really?

Wisewoman777
9 months ago
Reply to  laura

Haa ha! Funny thing is…You’re also getting older. I am 41 now and in a woman’s 40’s her body changes dramatically too! What an immature response

8 months ago
Reply to  Wisewoman777

Yes, and it seems to be while the 41 year old woman’s body changes, her behavior reverts back to adolescence (woman child). Strange phenomena I’ve seen with a fair share of older women out there.

Grushenko
2 years ago

What about the opposite, a guy dating an older woman?

Deborah Lloyd
2 years ago

What about sorting yourself out…as in whats going on with me that i feel this attraction to an older man…n get the healing you need go through thd process find yourself first…than when your active in who you are n become who you are…youll attract the right man for you…he will find you n see and accept you who you are…

jera
1 year ago
Reply to  Deborah Lloyd

I don’t think its a matter of seeking out older men…. but if you happen to meet and connect with an older man like I have, I’m 34 he is 48 and I was leery about the age gap but he is better in bed that most guys I have been with and the most active person I know! when I met I thought he was about 38 or so!

jera
1 year ago
Reply to  Deborah Lloyd

I don’t think its a matter of seeking out older men…. but if you happen to meet and connect with an older man like I have, I was leery about the age gap but he is better in bed that most guys I have been with and the most active person I know! when I met I thought he was about 38 or so!

2 years ago

I haven’t had much luck dating older men. They often shun newer technology; many are jaded about women and hate relationships, and expect you to make all the changes and sacrifices. I am sure there are great men in all age categories but I am such high energy, I just haven’t had luck with older men.

Bibi
1 year ago
Reply to  Heidi

I agree. I have that same issue and imagine he just wants a nurse in his later years.. he has money but really old fashioned . But I think it’s particular to hk.. not all older men may be like that.

Kristi
2 years ago

Older does not mean they are financially stable, mature, or appreciate a younger woman. I prefer older men and I am still single because of the immaturity.

Martyna
1 year ago
Reply to  Kristi

True. My older counterpart was bankrupt and was out there portraying the opposite. He was looking for someone who could support him. Pls dont date anybody 5 years older!!!! It will ruin your life.

jera
1 year ago
Reply to  Martyna

five years, c’mon that is not a big age gap, same generation.

Alicia
2 years ago

I’ve recently started dating an older man (9yrs older) and see the benefits of it; but not the superficial ones people may expect. I’ve lucked out with finding a man that truly respects me (in all aspects). Communication, Honesty & Trust are also at the forefront of our relationship; which I appreciate even more. Yes, I do recognize those brief moments when our age difference is apparent; but it has never been to the point of feeling inadequate. I’m not the “gold-digger” type; I actually appreciate a man as he is–not what he can “do for me”. And I know… Read more »

Carmen
1 year ago

Similar to Alicia’s comment (from July 14, 2018), I am currently dating a man who is 12 years older than me. And I can tell you that at least in my personal experience, I could care less what kind of car he drives or if he has a fancy ass job. What drew me to him is how kind and loving he is, how much he appreciates me, and the fact that he treats me like an equal. We are completely in-tune with each other on the way we view life. I am tired of people assuming (while it may… Read more »

Carmen
1 year ago
Reply to  Carmen

I can completely relate to your post. We think alike, we don’t need a man to support ourselves. What we look in a man is something that money can not buy and if you find that in a guy young or older then i think you have hit jackpot! My best wishes for you and your couple.

Jamie
1 year ago
Reply to  Carmen

I totally agreed with you. I am dating someone who is 12 years older than me as well. I am a full time student and worker. I got my own everything but want to find someone who is caring, listens, understands, charismatic, make me laugh, be there through the good and bad, talk about anything and everything, and etc. He is someone special to me. We going on strong for 3 1/2 years almost 4 years this fall. We are there for one another through the good and bad. When he needs advice, cheering up, words of encouragement, laugh, and… Read more »

Amanda
1 year ago
Reply to  Carmen

Yesssss! Couldn’t agree more!!

Marie
1 year ago

I’m in a relationship with a man thats 26 years older but he doesn’t look his age at all. He has salt and pepper hair but it makes him look distinguished. Anyway, we are great together and he treats me very well. I was always attracted to older men but this is my first time dating one. He is a huge step up from my previous relationship. Everything you listed above is pretty much dead on. As far as the bedroom activity, there hasn’t been a problem yet and he isn’t taking anything to help. I do realized though that… Read more »

Nicole
1 year ago
Reply to  Marie

What are you’re ages if you don’t mind me asking. I recently decided to give someone a chance to date me however he is 23 years older than me. Initially, I said absolutely not. However, he is so sweet doesn’t look his age and is so different then I’ve ever dated. I do worry about when he ages though.

Noname
9 months ago
Reply to  Marie

I am dating a man exactly 26 years older, and I am 44. Cant be more agree with you. He treats me so well.

Happy
1 year ago

I’m dating a man 9 years older than me. I have a 9-yr old son and he has two teenage kids. It’s been a few years now and we both decided at the very beginning we didn’t want to get married. We have spoken more recently now that maybe down the road it’s a possibility. I can attest that this is the best sex I’ve ever had in my life! We also have had to learn how to communicate with each other because there are some language differences that interfere from time to time, but we work on our relationship… Read more »

1 year ago

I have recently started seeing an older man (he’s 61, I’m 44). From the very first time I set my eyes on this gentleman I was attracted! So far (3 months since meeting, 4 official dates) I have been completely impressed both sexually and mentally. I have experienced a maturity so far that I am completely smitten with. The same age or younger men I have dated have absolutely no respect for women. Highly recommend!

1 year ago

I’m also into a guy at least 3 to 8yrs older than me..I jus feel like they’d understand me more and be more mature ,understanding and more experienced…I believe its easier dating an older guy cause they are more educated as compared to a younger guy…in my opinion dating a younger guy is like raising another child or sth

Strong girl
1 year ago

I’m 27 and dating a man that’s 48. In the beginning we connected so deep and so fast.. For me, I’ve always been bad at relationships and hurt over and over again..he is a breath of fresh air compared to my past relationships..I mean he’s everything to me.. Now we’ve been together a year and a half and things are starting to get serious.. we’re planning on moving in together.. but he is a bit controlling and set in his ways… he definitely doesn’t like to go out.. which is fine cause I’m a home body but sometimes I would… Read more »

Happily married
1 year ago

Im 45 n my husband is 65 n the sex is amazing n his kids love me n we got married in 3months n i love n accept him n he loves n accept me..The only thing that bothers me is when we met he talked about his ex wife so much i was a bit insecure because i asked him did he miss her cause he constantly brings her up…im wife #4 i always dreamed bout being married so I hope we can grow old together

Bella
11 months ago

Honestly age is just a number, when two souls come together and connect it’s a magical feeling no matter the age. I’d never been with anyone more than 5 years older and now I’m with a guy 15 years older (I’m 24) and he is so humble and genuine, sex is amazing and there’s no mind games. We respect each other and treat each other as equals, if your attracted to older men then go for it! At the end of the day we just want to be loved. Also communication is key, don’t be afraid to say what’s on… Read more »

Melaka F
10 months ago

Question for ladies dating an older guy: how did you handle/cope/deal with introducing the older guy to your family? Did you get sideway looks and how did you deal with it? Did your family ultimately accept the relationship? Did the weird comments eventually stop? Thank you for sharing!

10 months ago

I’m 61 (been told I don’t look or act it), never married, average Joe, and I’ve been with my very attractive never married girlfriend, age 32, for one year. I met her through my 33 year old niece, who’s her good friend. She told me she was weary of men her age, and their shenanigans, and decided to look at older gentlemen. She has a career, and is self sufficient, but she’s interested in marrying me. I wasn’t looking for a woman, but my niece was persistent in me meeting her friend. Because a woman is older, that’s no guarantee… Read more »

Lori
7 months ago

Hello, I’m am 37 currently dating a 55 year old. I’m concerned with him being set in his ways, is more of a homebody, is somewhat insecure of his body, jealous if any man under 55 looks at me, is still pissed that his 28 year old marriage fell apart and he owes alimony for life. He does not like to go out, spends his $ on real estate, is judgmental at times, and most of his free time is spent with his kids that are all in their 30’s now. He recently broke up with some materialistic gold digger… Read more »

JC
7 months ago

Lori, from the sounds of it, you’re not impressed with his behavior and you’re asking permission to break up with him. I think if the relationship isn’t a hard YES then it’s a soft NO.

Zizi
3 months ago

I’m 19 years old and a 40 year old guy is hitting on me. He’s a nice guy but I don’t know what to do.

Wiki
3 months ago

hi i am 28 i am dating a 42 year old man he is my partner but what i am wanting to know is. Is this a good age to be dating him?

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