Everyone loves a good love story. You meet a guy who is cool, charismatic, and undeniably romantic. Sparks fly, good morning and good night texts flood your phone, and compliments, surprises, and gifts seem to flow endlessly. He’s kind, attentive, thoughtful, and emotionally available – what could possibly go wrong?

When you help as many clients as we do, you hear a lot of stories about what a guy did (or didn’t do) on a date or early in the relationship. If you look for positive signs, you’ll find them. But what do some of those seemingly good things really mean? Today, we’re going to help you avoid getting fooled by some common guy moves that seem great but, when you dig a little deeper, aren’t great signs.

The Danger of Falling for a Fantasy

One of the biggest mistakes we see people make is falling in love with the thought of him, not the real him. Hope isn’t a strategy, and you shouldn’t talk yourself into something you don’t actually want.

Caveat: All relationships involve risk. What we’re sharing elevates that risk. Increased risk should make you curious. It’s not like every time a guy does these things, he’s 100% a creep. But they are things to notice so that you don’t miss red flags hiding in plain sight.

7 Seemingly Sweet Behaviors That May Be Red Flags:

1. The Early “I Love You”:

   • What counts as “early”? Anything before you’ve truly established emotional intimacy.

   • Why it’s a problem: He could be saying it to expedite physical intimacy, signal desperation, or engage in love bombing. Earned feelings are the only ones that truly matter. When it’s too early, he doesn’t know you well enough to mean it.

2. Dropping Everything for the Relationship:

   • He puts his entire life on hold for you, making himself available 24/7.

   • Why it’s a problem: It signals a lack of personal life and potential codependency. While some initial excitement is normal, completely neglecting other important areas of life is a red flag.

3. Sweeping You Off Your Feet:

   • Grand gestures, lavish trips, and constant surprises.

   • Why it’s a problem: It could be love bombing, a manipulative tactic to gain control and expedite physical intimacy. Trips, in particular, can be used to accelerate the physical side of a relationship.

4. Constant Checking In:

   • Good morning/good night texts, and frequent “what are you doing?” messages.

   • Why it’s a problem: Too much checking in isn’t sweet; it’s controlling. It can be a form of “excessive vigilance” and a sign of potential abuse.

5. Buying You Clothes/Curating Your Look:

   • Gifts of clothing, jewelry, or subtle (or not-so-subtle) comments about your appearance.

   • Why it’s a problem: It can be a way to establish control and mold you into their ideal image, rather than accepting you for who you are. Gifts can also come with unspoken expectations of reciprocity.

6. Putting You on a Pedestal:

   • “You’re too perfect for me,” “You’re an angel,” or “You’re not like other people.”

   • Why it’s a problem: It creates unrealistic expectations and pressure. He’s falling for a version of you that doesn’t really exist, creating distance and avoiding genuine connection.

7. Full-Time Fun (aka the “Master Dater”):

   • Constant fun activities, but a lack of emotional intimacy.

   • Why it’s a problem: You might be falling for the experiences, not the person. People can use fun experiences and constant activity as deflection. Do you even know him?

The Bottom Line

While these behaviors may seem sweet on the surface, they can be red flags for deeper issues. Pay attention to the patterns and trust your gut. Remember, genuine connection is built on authenticity, respect, and mutual understanding, not grand gestures and constant validation.