3 Deeper Reasons Why You Run Away from Relationships
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The classic stereotype is that men always run away from commitment while women always chase it. But some women run away from relationships, too. And if you’re one of them, keep reading.
When a relationship ends, it’s all too easy to be in denial about why things fell apart.
He just wasn’t the right guy for me.
He talks too much.
He’s one inch too short.
But in reality, there’s probably something much deeper going on that makes you run away from guy after guy.
Ready to find out what that is?
- Unhealthy relationships are what’s most familiar to you
The relationships we were surrounded with growing up greatly impact our future relationships. If you were surrounded by toxic examples of love, you are more likely to gravitate toward toxicity.
Why?
Because to you, it’s normal. And your brain doesn’t want you to be happy; it wants you to be comfortable. What’s familiar to us is warm and alluring.
So, if you keep finding yourself with toxic men who treat you badly, you’ve got to first become aware of it, then you need to work to break that vicious cycle.
Little Love Step #2 is where you create your love vision. This is where we encourage women to reflect on what they need in a relationship to feel happy and content. This love vision will help you stay focused when dating so that you can say NEXT to the wrong guys and HELLO to the right one.
- You don’t value yourself or, worse, like yourself
There’s a lot of advice about self-love, and many people tell you to just fall truly, madly, deeply in love with every inch of yourself. But in all honesty, this is hard to do!
My suggestion?
Focus on liking yourself.
We attract the energy that we put out into the world. If you don’t like, appreciate and respect yourself, you will attract a man who treats you the same way you treat yourself.
And if you get lucky and end up with a guy who adores you, but you still don’t like you, there will be a disconnect. You will start questioning everything.
Why is he being nice to me?
Why is he bringing me flowers?
Why is he going out of his way to treat me like I’m special?
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You will run away from guys who do this because, subconsciously, it won’t make sense to you.
If this sounds familiar, you’ve got to break this pattern.
Start by taking small steps in the right direction. Be kind to yourself. Surround yourself with people who like you. Notice what you like about other people, and see where you can improve on those qualities within yourself. And give yourself some grace when you make mistakes because we all do.
- You have an avoidant attachment style
We all have an attachment style when it comes to forming relationships, which is a fancy, psychological term for how we give and receive love. This is shaped by how we relate to our parents or primary caregivers during childhood.
There are several different attachment styles, one of which is an avoidant attachment style. This person is extremely independent, uncomfortable with intimacy, and potentially a commitment-phobe. This attachment style is more common in men, but some women have it too.
Working with a therapist can help you get to the root of your attachment style and how it was formed, but our Love Strategies can also help.
Little Love Step #6 focuses on setting boundaries for a committed relationship. Without taking this step, avoidant attachment styles can feel suffocated very quickly. Open dialog during this stage is very important. It can help you feel much more comfortable when you finally become exclusive with someone so that you don’t end up bolting halfway across the world from an amazing man.
Are you a woman who runs from relationships? Which one of these reasons most applies to you? Share your story with me below!
Im definitely the last one! Avoidant Attachment Style. Figures its more rare in woman lol everything you listed under #3 is me. Falling in love for some people they crave it but for me it was terrifying and makes me so uncomfortable. I was a chronic dater but never said I love you. The first time I said it , it felt like facts not feelings. So awkward and so not romantic! But feelings followed after. But even that relationship was a safe not risky relationship. I felt like something was missing. Now I can say I have done some… Read more »
This is the first time I have heard avoidant relationship terminology. I can’t wait to listen to the podcast because even though I’ve done therapy I feel like this gave me a new perspective. We did talk about my parental relationships as this has a lot to do with my independent nature. I love what you said about hsving a dialogue about boundaries and what commitment looks like. This was very insightful. My therapist has helped me a lot and unfortunately he died of a sudden heart attack and I haven’t been able to find a therapist I like. We… Read more »
What about the fact that There’s just not that many good men out there and they want to have sex before marriage and they have no morals and they’re lazy and they want everything to be easy for them. Oh, and they don’t honor God or his commandments.
What about the fact that there are women out there who say to honor God but then are incredidbly harsh, and judgmental and criticinzing towards their fellow men? Oh, and they don’t see noting wrong in themselves, only in others.
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Very interesting & informative article. Thanks for this!
Yep ..I’m a runner. I am usually attracted to emotionally unavailable men. I am probably emotionally unavailable because my parents. But I’m learning and growing. I have been in a non committed relationship for 2 1/2 years with an alpha 2.0 if you know what that is. Not sure how to move to the next level..
Setting boundaries is something I need to do and being ok with walking away. Also,I am too nice and let them get away with way too much.
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