We all crave connection, but what kind of connection are you really after? A fiery spark that ignites quickly, or a slow burn that keeps you warm for the long haul? The truth is, most of us want a bit of both. But understanding your own priorities can be a game-changer in your dating life.

Your Brain on Love

Your brain, a marvel of evolution, runs on a complex system of chemicals called neurotransmitters. Two key players in the dating game are dopamine and serotonin:

• Dopamine: The “high” feeling, linked to the brain’s reward system. It’s triggered by things like exciting new experiences, social media scrolling, and yes, infatuation.
• Serotonin: The “contentment and stability” chemical. It promotes feelings of emotional balance, calmness, and social connection. Think cozy nights in with a well-written drama, not a never-ending TikTok scroll.

We naturally seek out both dopamine and serotonin in different aspects of our lives. We chase dopamine through extreme sports, while serotonin brings us comfort through naps and sunshine. The same goes for dating!

Dopamine Dater or Serotonin Dater?

Signs You Might Be a Dopamine Dater:

• Overdoing the Apps: You love the variety and thrill of the swipe. Constantly chasing the next match fuels your excitement, but leaves you skipping over genuine connections.
• Grand Gestures: Elaborate dates and flashy moves are your go-to, straight out of a reality show.
• Validation Seeker: You crave attention and affirmation from multiple potential partners, prioritizing quantity over quality.
• Idealization: New partners become instant soulmates, only to be discarded when their human flaws surface.
• Frequent Flipper: You jump from relationship to relationship, always chasing the initial “high” of a new romance.

Why Dopamine Dating Is a Problem:

Dopamine dating focuses on the next date, the next thrill, neglecting the importance of building long-term connection and intimacy. It encourages shallow relationships that fizzle out quickly.

Signs You Might Be a Serotonin Dater:

• Patient & Steady: You’re happy to take things slow, investing time in building a strong foundation.
• Connection Over Chemistry: Deep, meaningful bonds are more important than surface-level excitement.
• Small Gestures Matter: Everyday acts of kindness and affection hold more weight than grand displays.
• Quality Time: You value shared moments, whether it’s cooking dinner or going for a walk, over quantity of time spent together.
• Comfort in Routine: Regular date nights and shared activities become a source of security and enjoyment.

Why Serotonin Dating Is Preferable:

The “forever focus” of serotonin dating fosters stability and long-term satisfaction. While it may lack the initial intensity of dopamine dating, these relationships are much more likely to stand the test of time. Remember, adding excitement is easier than building a foundation of trust and security.

The Takeaway:

Understanding your dating style can help you find someone who aligns with your values. Dopamine dating can be fun, but for a truly fulfilling relationship, prioritize the slow burn of serotonin.

Bonus Tip: Even if you lean towards serotonin dating, don’t forget to add some dopamine “spices” to your relationship! Plan exciting adventures together, keep the spark alive!