The One That Got Away: Get Him Back or Let Him Go?
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Notes from the podcast:
Navigating the “What Ifs” of Modern Dating: A Strategic Approach
In the whirlwind realm of modern dating, with its endless apps, messages, and meet-ups, managing multiple connections can feel like juggling with too many balls in the air. It’s all too easy for something—or someone—to slip through the cracks. Maybe there’s that person you never got back to on a dating app or someone you decided wasn’t for you a little too hastily. Perhaps there were a few great dates that mysteriously fizzled out or a super nice guy who disappeared from the radar.
The Lingering Question: What Are You Missing Out On?
These missed connections and fleeting interactions often leave us haunted by the tormenting question, “What if?” This question can dangle the possibility of missed problems or a fantastic relationship that just never was. Occasionally, you might be offered a second chance, but the dilemma remains: should you take it?
The Fantasy of Missed Connections
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Understanding that the relationships and connections we miss out on become a projection screen for our fantasies is crucial. They morph into anything our hearts and minds desire, often leading us down paths of misery or FOMO as we fill in the blanks with narratives that serve our fears or wishes. The truth is, we might never know what we missed out on—and recognizing this can be a liberating realization.
Dealing with Comeback Stories: A Dual Perspective
1. The Instant Chemistry Cliffhanger
These are the encounters characterized by immediate attraction and sparks flying, only for communication to suddenly dwindle and vanish, leaving you with no closure. The hard truth? The lack of follow-up is, in itself, closure. Actions—or in this case, the absence thereof—reveal priorities. The strategy here is to let go, from hoping for a comeback to being the chooser, not the chaser. Early sparks, while thrilling, are rarely indicators of long-term compatibility. Beware the boomerang boyfriend, who only reappears once you’ve moved on, hoping you’ve lowered your standards.
2. The Sparkless Good Guy
Then there’s the guy who ticks all the boxes—good conversation, solid character, seemingly stable—but lacks that initial spark. Maybe he seemed a bit dull, too self-focused, or nervous. It’s easy to dismiss these connections in search of fireworks, but the slow burns often promise lasting warmth. Giving these individuals a second chance (but not a third) can sometimes reveal hidden depths and lead to a fulfilling relationship.
Wrapping Up: Embracing Strategy Over Regret
Regret is a challenging emotion fueled by the distorted fictions of “what could have been.” While dwelling on missed opportunities is tempting, it’s more productive to recognize that things often don’t work out for good reasons. However, there are genuine opportunities for connection among the noise—if you know where to look and are willing to give things another shot, albeit with a bit of strategy in your step.
Adam you really screwed up this time. You said “ It wasn’t even that she looked bad, she looked great “. So your friend reconnected with the wrong relationship 5 years later, your friend realizes in one second it was a mistake so you, Adam have to make the point subtly that the reason wasn’t that the “woman” let herself go.
That’s not OK at all. Maybe your friend let himself go and looked bad.
My ex was hot and cold. Drove me to wondering what the heck is going on!!!
He dumped me, too.
Do not like or put up with any “push/pull” game playing. Make up your flicking mind!!!
Three years, going on four. Weekly coffee, amazing discussions, always hugging goodbye. The friendship was amazing. All of a sudden he started pulling away. Four months of pulling away and now he won’t reply at all. I told him I’d go away and he said he doesn’t want that. BUT, he’s basically ghosting me now………. HOW DOES ONE LET GO of a dead/dying friendship?????
I did not find this discussion helpful at all. You talk of “relationships” that last months. Initial reactions. Our friendship was so much longer and the interaction never waivered. Mine was solid for 3 years, albeit an amazing friendship.
Hi I needed to hear this stuff, thank you for making it available, it’s appreciated!!
Sophia sat at her kitchen table, a cup of tea growing cold in front of her as she wrestled with a decision that could change her life forever. Her marriage to David had started with so much promise, but lately, things had taken a turn for the worse.After months of trying to make things work, Sophia found herself at a crossroads. Should she fight to get him back, or was it time to let him go? Armed with newfound knowledge, Sophia made an appointment with a family law attorney to discuss her options further. With the guidance of legal experts… Read more »
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