For over a decade, I’ve been immersed in the world of dating, guiding countless individuals through the complexities of modern romance. While my journey began unexpectedly – I never initially intended to coach women – my years of experience have given me an unparalleled perspective: an insider’s view into the male mind.

My colleague Dr. Gary put it best: “You basically know men’s how-to dating manual, inside and out. You’ve got the playbook, which gives you a major advantage.” And he’s right. Understanding how men see things, what truly motivates them, what they’re looking for, and what their words and actions really mean is absolutely critical. These are the “secrets” we’re thrilled to give away on today’s episode.

So, what have I learned about men that every woman needs to know? Let’s dive in.

1. It’s Not ALL About Hooking Up

Let’s be honest: are guys interested in physical intimacy? Absolutely. Will they take physical intimacy if it’s easy? You bet. But is that all they want? Not at all. While the physical aspect is often present, to assume it’s the only driver is to fundamentally misunderstand men. They are looking for connection, companionship, and a partner, just like women are.

2. Can You Win a Guy Over by Being Physical?

You might keep him around for a while, but it’s highly unlikely you’ll build the emotional intimacy you truly desire. When physical intimacy happens too quickly, a guy doesn’t value it as much. It’s a psychological truth: we tend to like what we work for. Rapid physical intimacy can also lead him to assume you’re quick to be physical with other guys, making the connection feel less special to him. If you lose a guy by not being physical, consider this: you never truly had him in the first place.

3. Guys DO NOT Have it All Figured Out

Many women assume dating comes naturally to men, that they effortlessly know what they’re doing. The truth? They absolutely don’t. Most are incredibly clueless. What’s more, the vast majority of men are too stubborn or egotistical to admit they need help. Their pride and insecurities often prevent them from seeking guidance. So, they continue making the same mistakes, hoping for a different outcome. It’s no surprise there are so many lonely single guys out there.

And let’s dispel another myth: guys don’t have it easy in dating. Most men hear virtually nothing from women on dating apps – crickets. They lack reliable help; guy friends aren’t always the best source of dating advice. And for many, it’s simply hard to ask anyone for their thoughts.

4. Guys Are People Too

This might seem obvious, but it’s often overlooked. Men have emotions. They worry about getting hurt, about embarrassment, about rejection, about being alone. They overthink, worry too much, and catastrophize with the best of them. They get scammed. They worry about their weight, their looks, their hair. They worry if they’re successful enough, impressive enough, rich enough, or interesting enough. Ultimately, they want someone to care about them, to talk to, and to share their life with.

5. There are LOTS of GREAT Guys with ABSOLUTELY ZERO Dating “Game”

This is perhaps one of the most crucial insights. The guys who are often most in touch with their feelings – those with high emotional intelligence – tend to struggle more in initial dating scenarios. They’re more hesitant, caring deeply about being respectful and not overly pushy. Sometimes, they take this too far, appearing overly reserved, but it often stems from their high character.

These men are less bold and less likely to take a chance approaching women. They need super clear signals. On first dates, they might be less polished and smooth. They’re more likely to say the wrong thing or struggle with conversational flow. They’re nervous, second-guessing themselves, and worrying if you even like them. They might talk too much (often about work) because they’re scared of silence.

My advice? Give these guys another chance. Simply by securing another date, most of their initial worries dissolve. You’ll likely see a more natural, authentic, and real version of him emerge.