You’re innocently texting a new guy, and suddenly he sends an unsolicited shirtless picture. Or maybe he’s talking about a date he wants to take you on and then sends an eggplant emoji. Yikes! You feel a familiar mix of awkwardness, disgust, and confusion. What do you do? What do you say?

These situations are super common, but that doesn’t make them any easier to deal with. Whether it’s in person or over text, you need a plan for handling guys who are too sexual too soon. The goal is to shut down the wrong guys, but do it in a way that doesn’t scare off a good guy who might just be a little clueless.

First, Let’s Get Real About the Obvious

Let’s not pretend we don’t want a guy to find us attractive. We do! Sexual interest is a normal and healthy part of dating. Sometimes, a guy might call you “hot” or “sexy,” or say he can’t wait to kiss you. This isn’t necessarily a red flag. In fact, a “zero tolerance” policy for any hint of sexual interest might actually be an overreaction.

He’s probably using a name or saying something he’s gotten good feedback on before. Just because he makes a comment doesn’t mean he’s a creep or that you did something wrong. It’s important to remember that this is a general guy trait. Most guys are accustomed to testing limits and are more comfortable owning their interest in the physical side of a relationship.

So, Where’s the Line?

The line is wherever you are not comfortable. And a guy who is genuinely interested in you will respect that line. A guy who is just in it for a hookup will try to cross it. So, why do guys do this?

There are a couple of reasons—some are harmless, and others are big red flags.

OK Reasons:

1. He’s a little clueless or socially awkward.
2. He’s so excited he can’t play it cool (he has no game).

Bad Reasons:

1. He has low emotional intelligence.
2. He has poor impulse control.
3. He objectifies women and is only focused on a short-term hookup.
4. He’s testing you to see how far you’ll let him go.
   

Don’t Ignore It, and Don’t Reward It

Once a guy has crossed your line, the worst thing you can do is ignore the behavior or reward it.

Don’t Ignore It It’s tempting to think, “He’s just being a guy,” or “He probably doesn’t mean anything by it.” But leading with sex isn’t what you want from a real connection. You want someone who prioritizes emotional intimacy, not just physical.

Don’t Reward It The last thing you want to do is laugh it off or be sexual back, especially if you’re uncomfortable. This sends the wrong message. You don’t have to be mean, but you should not be so nice that you sacrifice your own comfort. A simple redirect will do the trick. If you’re in person, create a little physical space between the two of you.

Set Clear, Warm Boundaries

Many women fear sounding “cold” or “prudish” when they set boundaries, but the opposite is true. Boundaries actually build trust and increase your sense of safety and control. You don’t have to be harsh—just be direct.

Clarity is Kindness The right guy will appreciate your clear ground rules. He doesn’t want to accidentally offend you or make you feel uncomfortable. Use confident, direct language without apology.

1. Instead of: “Sorry, I just don’t want to come off like a prude.”
2. Say: “I move a little slower than that because I want to do this right.”

Here are some other examples of boundaries you can set:

1. “I prefer more of a slow burn than full steam ahead.”
2. “I like getting to know someone first before taking things to that level.”
3. “I’m not really into sexual stuff with someone I barely know.”

If you’re in person and he’s coming on too strong, you can calmly say, “Let’s slow this down a bit.”

His Response Is Everything

He might test your limits, but what truly matters is how he reacts when you set a boundary. This is a great “test” of his character.

Right Response: An emotionally mature guy will apologize and adjust his behavior. He’ll welcome your clarity because he genuinely wants a real connection with you.

Wrong Response: A guy who only cares about sex will push back, joke, or get passive-aggressive. He might get defensive, whiny, or even ghost you. All of this tells you everything you need to know about his intentions.

A guy who’s too sexual too early isn’t necessarily a bad person, but he might be the wrong person for you. The key is to hold your standards and watch how he reacts. His response will show you exactly what kind of guy he is.