Are you ready? Set a timer for 10 minutes, because we’re about to demystify the art of flirting for women over 40. This isn’t about throwing yourself at guys or resorting to cutesy, giggly behaviors. We’re leaving the Cosmo-style tips about lipstick shades behind. This is about a high-character, dignified approach to making a genuine connection.

Why You Need This

Let’s face it, if you’re newly single—whether after a divorce, being widowed, or simply taking a break from the dating scene—you might feel a little rusty. And the dating world has changed. But there’s another crucial reason: people are just bad at flirting.

Research shows that a shocking 75% of the time, when someone is flirting, the other person has absolutely no clue. For women flirting with men, the detection rate is even worse, at just 18%. This means if you’re being too subtle, your efforts are likely to go unnoticed. We need to aim for clarity without being overbearing.

Being Too Subtle Will Sink You

The biggest mistake you can make is being so subtle that no one—not even yourself—can tell you’re interested. Let’s be honest: you’re often your own harshest critic and the one most likely to reject yourself before you even start.

So, how do we become clear and confident without losing our dignity? It all comes down to two key areas: body language and verbal cues.

Body Language: The Non-Verbal Flirt

1. Soft Eyes and a Flirty Face: Instead of a wide-eyed stare, use a softer gaze. Try the classic “eyes up” move: look down at your drink or a menu, then tilt your head to the side and look up at him.

2. The Belly Button Rule: This is a simple but powerful cue. Make sure your body is facing the person you’re interested in. It signals openness and interest.

3. Take Up Space: Use an expansive body posture. Uncross your arms and legs. This conveys confidence, dominance, and a sense of status—all of which are highly attractive.

4. Smalk: This is our term for a “small talk” that is more than just conversation. It’s a way of using your body to communicate. Be sure to break the touch barrier lightly and briefly, like a gentle touch on the arm during a laugh.

Verbal Cues: What to Say and How to Say It

1. Find Them Funny (It’s a Game-Changer!): The biggest verbal key is to laugh at their jokes. Research shows that while women shouldn’t try to be too funny themselves (which can signal a friendly intention rather than a romantic one), showing you find them funny is a huge sign of interest.

2. Show Responsiveness: The research is clear: it’s more important to be interested than interesting. Show your responsiveness by facing the person, maintaining eye contact, nodding, using great facial expressions, asking follow-up questions, and sharing your thoughts.

3. Playful Challenge/Teasing: This is a fantastic way to create a fun, flirty dynamic. Try something like this:

   • Start by saying, “You know what I like about you?”

   • Pause for a moment, look like you’re thinking, and add a little “Hmm…”

   • Then, with a smile and a laugh, say, “Nah… I can’t tell you that yet. Maybe if you’re lucky, I’ll tell you later.”

This kind of playful confidence is irresistible and shows you’re comfortable, in control, and fun to be around.

With these tools, you can confidently and clearly signal your interest in a way that is true to you—dignified, classy, and utterly captivating.