“Finding someone to protect you physically is cool, but being protected emotionally is what matters.” This quote, surprisingly from Love is Blind, hit me hard. It’s a profound truth about relationships, even though it comes from an unexpected source. It begs the question: in our modern world, are we prioritizing the right things in love?

Let’s be clear: you don’t need emotional protection. You’re a strong, independent person. But let’s be honest, it’s something we all crave. Like a warm blanket on a cold night, emotional protection provides a sense of comfort and safety in a relationship. And the absence of it? That feels truly awful.

The Pain of Emotional Neglect

What does a lack of emotional protection look like? It’s emotional neglect, and it manifests in many ways:

• Dismissive: “You’re overreacting,” or “It’s not a big deal.” Your feelings are minimized and invalidated.

• Insensitive: Jokes at your expense, pushing your buttons, and targeting your insecurities.

• Disrespectful: Ignoring your boundaries and failing to communicate basic information, as if your needs don’t matter.

• Emotionally Distant: Avoiding meaningful conversations, being emotionally unavailable, and unable to share personal feelings (or wanting to hear yours).

• Ignoring Your Emotions: Not checking in on how you feel, offering comfort, reassurance, or a listening ear when you’re upset.

• Gaslighting: “You’re imagining things,” or “That never happened.” Twisting situations to make your emotions seem unjustified.

• Lack of Accountability: Refusing to apologize or acknowledge their role in hurting you, making excuses, and avoiding responsibility.

This is a partner no one should want, yet too many tolerate. Sound familiar? It’s time to break the cycle.

What is Emotional Protection, Really?

Emotional protection is about feeling safe to be yourself, knowing you are liked and respected for who you truly are. It’s having a partner who sees, hears, and understands you. It’s built on:

• Respect and support

• Care and communication

• Patience and kindness

• Listening and genuine appreciation

• Gentleness with your vulnerabilities

• Safety, trust, and emotional care

Love and Security: A Deeper Connection

This brings to mind a question from a client: “When you’re secure and not chasing all the wrong things…how do you know you’re in love?” They had previously equated love with nervous, excited feelings. The answer? You feel emotionally protected.

Finding a Guy Who Values Your Emotions

Here’s how to find a man who will cherish your emotional well-being:

• Prioritize Compatibility: Focus on a true connection based on character, not just instant chemistry. Connect as people first.

• Focus on How You FEEL: Forget the jitters and excitement (which can also signal danger). Do you feel safe, seen, heard, understood, respected, comfortable, accepted, calm, and reassured? Think about how you feel around your best friend.

• Don’t Accept Less: Be careful with your kindness. Love can make you overly tolerant. Neglect can feel familiar, especially if you’ve experienced it before. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking “all men are like this” or “this is the best I can do.” You deserve better.

• Check His Emotional IQ: Does he use emotions as a tool for attention, or does he show genuine interest in your feelings? Does he ask good questions and follow up? Is he fully present, a good listener, and capable of empathy? Can he maintain composure and describe his own feelings beyond basic caveman grunts?

Craft Your Love Vision

If you want emotional protection, make it a priority. Think about the kind of relationship you’d want for your child. You deserve that same level of love and care. Don’t settle for anything less.