We often talk about “baggage” in relationships, but let’s be honest, that metaphor falls a little flat. Baggage can be forgotten, left behind. Wounds, on the other hand? They stick with you. Even after they heal, the scars remain, subtly shaping how you see yourself and connect with others.

But what does it truly mean to attract from “wounds” rather than from a place of worth?

Wounds are those emotional or psychological injuries, typically rooted in past experiences, that influence your behavior, connections, and reactions in romantic relationships. Worth, however, is about making choices aligned with your authentic values and desires, stemming from a deep belief that you are deserving of respect and are inherently “enough.” It’s about setting healthy boundaries born from self-love.

In this week’s podcast, we’re diving deep into this crucial distinction. We’ll help you pinpoint if you’re attracting partners from a place of unhealed wounds, identify the specific wounds you might carry, and reveal the types of relationships these wounds often draw in.

Is This You? Attracting From Wounds

Have you ever met a genuinely healthy, available, or kind person and felt… anxious? Weird? Maybe even a little “ick”? It might seem counterintuitive, but there’s a powerful reason for this: toxic familiarity.

For many, a known, even painful, pattern feels less intimidating than the unknown. It’s “comfortable” because it matches your existing emotional state or expectations, even if it’s deeply unhealthy. You might unconsciously choose partners who recreate dysfunctional patterns from your past, simply because it’s what your subconscious recognizes.

The Five Wounds and the Partners They Attract

Understanding your wounds is the first step toward healing and attracting the love you deserve. Let’s explore five common wounds and the relationship patterns they tend to create:

1. The Abandonment Wound

This is a deep-seated fear of being left or rejected, often stemming from early experiences where caregivers were inconsistent, unavailable, or absent. What it attracts: Emotionally unavailable partners, relationships where you’re constantly chasing validation, push-pull dynamics, or a tendency to stay in toxic situations out of fear of being alone.

2. The Worthiness Wound

At its core, this is a belief that you are fundamentally flawed or not “enough.” It often develops from conditional love, constant criticism, or the message that your value depends on performance or pleasing others. What it attracts: Partners who are takers or users, those who don’t truly value you as a person, objectifying relationships, or situations where you constantly feel the need to prove yourself (hello, “fixer-upper” partners!).

3. The Betrayal Wound

This wound creates deep mistrust from being hurt by someone you relied on, leading to hypervigilance and difficulty with vulnerability. What it attracts: Commitment-phobes, avoidants, partners who are distant, secretive, or untrustworthy (thereby confirming your fears), and relationships plagued by jealousy. You might also isolate yourself to avoid potential hurt.

4. The Rejection Wound

A profound fear of not being accepted or wanted, often from early experiences of feeling like an outsider or having your authentic self dismissed. What it attracts: Highly critical, demanding, or perfectionistic partners. You might find yourself people-pleasing at the expense of your authenticity, hiding parts of yourself to be accepted, or falling into a doormat/martyr role.

5. The Humiliation Wound

This is a fear of being seen as inadequate or foolish, stemming from experiences of being shamed, ridiculed, or made to feel small. What it attracts: Condescending “know-it-alls,” arrogant social climbers, or those who need to feel superior. This wound can lead you to play small, self-sabotage when success is visible, or choose situations where you can remain invisible to avoid judgment.

The key realization here? Sometimes, the most magnetic connection isn’t to a person, but to an old, familiar emotional pattern. Recognizing these patterns is the first powerful step towards breaking free and attracting relationships built on true worth.