Do you ever find yourself scrolling through endless online content related to your job? Or maybe, like us, you get sucked into the fascinating (and sometimes frustrating) world of relationship advice and dating debacles? We recently stumbled upon a video of a guy absolutely fuming about a bad date, concluding that “women are delusional.” His words, not ours! While we felt a little defensive, it also highlighted a hot take that’s far from complete. There’s so much more nuance to the dating scene, and frankly, both men and women are getting a lot wrong.

So, what exactly makes someone “delusional” in the dating world? It’s when what you believe happened, never did. It’s thinking something is true when it’s clearly not. And it’s wanting something that’s simply impossible. Ultimately, the number one delusion is believing you’re not delusional in any way yourself.

The Delusions Men Fall For

Men, let’s be honest, we’ve all seen it. The guy who thinks if she’s hot, everything else will magically fall into place. Compatibility? Shared interests? Who cares if you’re not even from the same century! This is a recipe for disaster, as opposites rarely attract in the long run.

A big one is overconfidence. Many men believe they’re more desirable than they actually are. They might be decent or average but only pursue women who are above average (to way above average). It’s like constantly applying for executive jobs when your resume only qualifies you for an entry-level position. If you’re reaching out a lot and getting no response, it might be time to inspect your “resume” and re-evaluate who you’re pursuing.

Another common male delusion is believing women are more interested than they are. Research even supports this! A simple, kind, or obligatory smile can be misread as “Yup, she wants me.” Learning to read signals is crucial. And then there’s the classic fantasy: that much younger women are truly falling in love with them for who they are, not just for what they can provide.

Finally, some men suffer from “lone wolf syndrome,” convincing themselves they’ll be happy and fulfilled on their own and don’t need anyone. Or the “nice guys finish last” mentality, which often stems from being passive, needy, and lacking boundaries, not from being genuinely “nice.” Many men also believe there aren’t any good women left, when often they’re simply looking in the wrong places or with unrealistic expectations. It’s the delusion that they can land a “9 or 10” without being a “9 or 10” themselves, or putting in “9/10 effort.” Remember, it’s not what you think you are; it’s what others perceive you to be that matters in dating.

The Delusions Women Fall For

Women, you’re not off the hook either. Many fall into the trap of believing they can land a “9 or 10” guy without being a “9 or 10” themselves or putting in the commensurate effort. While empowerment is fantastic and every woman is above average in her own unique way, there’s also a need for realism. It’s more about being the best, most comfortable version of your “6 or 7” than striving to be an unrealistic “10/10.” Attractive, stable, high-level men have tons of options, and you need to be honest with yourself about what truly makes you a contender.

Then there’s the “hunting unicorns” delusion: “I want and deserve it all, and it should be flawless.” The reality is, you don’t get what you deserve; you get what you work for. You can have almost anything, but it’s unlikely you’ll get everything. Want a partner with tons of money and tons of free time? Highly important and high-powered but makes you their top priority? Prestigious but not stressed? These are often contradictory desires.

Some women also delude themselves into thinking the “right guy” – one who is long-term oriented and good at relationships – will simply confidently seek them out and sweep them off their feet. Or that he’ll be simultaneously highly masculine and perfectly sweet and sensitive (but not too sensitive). And the classic “I can change him, fix him, or be the one to turn him around” mentality, believing they can do what no one else could.

Why Is The Dating Scene So Bad Right Now?

You see this question everywhere, and the answer is simple: expectations are out of control. Too many people only want to date “the very best” without being “the very best” themselves. In other words, people are delusional.

It’s Okay (Even Helpful) to Be a Little Delusional

Here’s the silver lining: it’s actually okay, and even helpful, to be a little delusional. “Shoot your shot” – go for someone who might be a bit out of your perceived league. Be a little too optimistic for positive outcomes. Assume the best. Give people the benefit of the doubt.

All of these small “delusions” are helpful if they encourage you to prepare more or better. Wanting something elusive or a bit beyond your current capabilities can be a powerful motivator to work for it. And that, in dating and in life, is a very good thing.

What are your thoughts? Have you encountered any of these dating delusions yourself, or perhaps even recognized them in your own dating life?