Every few months, women fly in from all over the world to attend our event in Boston. By the end of the weekend, many of them say the same thing: I wish I’d known this about men sooner. Not because they were naive, but because no one ever taught them how relationships actually work.

Here are nine truths women wish they’d learned earlier.

You Never Have to Prove Your Worth

If a man says he’s unsure about you, unsure about a relationship, or unsure about what he wants, that is not an invitation to try harder. It’s information. Real interest doesn’t need convincing. The moment you feel like you’re auditioning for someone’s commitment is the moment you’re investing in the wrong person. A healthy relationship begins with mutual enthusiasm, not persuasion.

If You’re Doing All the Work, It’s Not Love

There’s a difference between a partnership and emotional labour. A partnership feels mutual. You plan together, build together, and move forward together. Emotional labour feels like employment. You give the effort, manage the emotions, hold the connection together, and receive very little in return. Love should never feel like an unpaid job.

When a Man Says He’s Not Ready, Believe Him

This is one of the most confusing dynamics in dating because his actions may feel loving while his words say otherwise. But when a man tells you he’s not ready for a relationship, he’s telling you the truth about his capacity, not his feelings. In this situation, words matter more than behaviour. If he’s not ready to choose you fully, no amount of patience will change that.

A Good Man Won’t Risk Losing You

When a man truly values you, he doesn’t drift, stall, or leave things ambiguous. He shows up consistently. He prioritises you. Men make time for what matters to them. If someone feels lukewarm or easily distracted, that’s not mixed signals, it’s a clear signal. The right man doesn’t gamble with losing someone he wants.

Nobody Is Too Busy for the Right Person

People are too busy for things they don’t want to do and never too busy for what they value. If someone consistently can’t make time, follow through, or prioritise the relationship, believe what you’re seeing. Interest creates availability. On your side, love has to be treated as a priority too, not something squeezed in around everything else.

You Can’t Love a Man Into His Potential

No amount of love will turn someone into the partner you hope they’ll become. Unconditional love given too early doesn’t inspire growth, it creates entitlement. Effort matters. Investment matters. A man values what he has to earn. If you’re consistently giving more while he gives less, the imbalance will only grow over time.

Chemistry Without Compatibility Is Chaos

Chemistry feels exciting and intense, but it’s not a long-term strategy. Chemistry creates attraction. Compatibility creates stability. Without clarity about what you want long-term, chemistry will keep pulling you toward familiar but unfulfilling patterns. Attraction without direction leads to repetition, not progress.

Keeping It Casual Attracts the Wrong Men

Casual dating sounds harmless, but it often attracts emotionally unavailable men who want connection without responsibility. If you look back honestly, casual relationships rarely leave you feeling secure or fulfilled. They don’t prevent pain, they delay it. Intentional dating filters out the wrong people faster and creates space for the right ones.

Red Flags Don’t Fade, They Grow

The things that end relationships are usually visible early on. We minimise them, rationalise them, or hope they’ll change. They don’t. What feels tolerable in the first few months often becomes unbearable years later. Early discomfort is data. Ignoring it doesn’t make it disappear.

Break the Pattern

If you find yourself thinking, I wish I knew this sooner, that doesn’t mean you failed. It means you were hopeful. You believed in love, and that’s not a weakness. Now you have better information, and information gives you choice. The right relationship doesn’t feel confusing or draining. It feels secure, mutual, and grounded. And you’re allowed to want that.

Your Challenge

Take these truths seriously. Not emotionally, strategically. Pay attention to patterns instead of potential. Choose clarity over chemistry alone. And remember, the goal isn’t to date more people, it’s to stop repeating the same lessons. The relationship you want becomes possible the moment you stop ignoring what you already know.