6 Signs It’s Time To Break Up (It’s OVER!)
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One thing is for sure: breakups are the worst. But sometimes you’ll find yourself in a relationship and wonder, “why the heck are we still together?!”
Maybe he sucks. Perhaps the two of you are great alone, but together you suck.
But what do you do if you’re on the fence about it?
How can you be sure you’re making the right decision?
What if this man is the love of your life, and you’re being too hasty to call it quits?
Here are six signs that it’s time to break up.
- You’re fighting all the time
Look, if you meet a couple who claim they never argue, they are straight up lying to you, or they both hate conflict so much that they sweep all their problems under the rug and never talk about them.
Arguments in a relationship are healthy, but the frequency of those arguments matters.
How do you speak to each other in those moments? Do you argue maturely, calmly, and respectfully, or do you shout and curse each other?
According to research by The Gottman Institute, there should be a 5:1 ratio. There must be five positive feelings for every negative emotion you have.
If the bad days outweigh the good, and you keep rehashing the same problems, and nothing is getting solved, it’s time to break up.
- You’re always trying to change him and it’s not working
I’ve seen many women waste years in relationships trying to mold a guy into who they want him to be. But it never works. The truth is, we can’t change people. People must want to change for themselves, and even then, it’s incredibly hard.
You’ve got to accept him as he is today or walk away.
- There is no trust in the relationship
If you’re not being 100% honest with each other, your relationship is already over.
I believe in being radically candid, which means you’re always honest, even when it’s hard.
For example, let’s say I’m wearing a terrible shirt, and I ask my wife, Jessica, what she thinks of it. I want her to be straight with me (while being kind), and I know she will be. And I’m the same with her.
When you don’t BS each other, you can build this amazing foundation of trust which is integral to any healthy, successful, long-lasting relationship.
- You just want different things
Do you want to sell up and move to Fiji, but he’s set on living in the town he grew up in forever?
Or maybe he wants kids, but you don’t.
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Perhaps you used to be on the same page with your lifestyle choices and values, but now you’re out of sync. It feels like he’s going in one direction, and you’re going in another. You’re out of alignment.
And this is a common reason for ending a relationship. Sometimes people grow apart, and that’s okay. You can’t predict this.
- You’re unhappy and the relationship is the cause of your unhappiness
We all go through rough patches in life and love. This is the nature of life and relationships.
So, if you’re going through grief, anxiety, or an illness, this can put a strain on other parts of your life, including your relationships. But don’t break up with someone if you know the root of your problems are elsewhere – that won’t fix them!
If the overall forecast of your relationship is sunny, that’s a good sign you’re with the right person. But if you’re generally unhappy and he is the cause, then it’s time to end it.
- You’ve known it has been over for a while
I’m not judging you; I get it.
You know the relationship is dead, but maybe you hate conflict or don’t want to hurt each other.
Breakups are messy and painful. You’ve got to divide your belongings, separate your finances, find a new place to live and break the news to all your friends and family.
But here’s a question: where do you see yourself in five years?
With him, and in a healthy relationship that aligns with the life you want to build?
Because if you don’t, it’s time to stop avoiding your problems. Yes, breaking up will be uncomfortable. But once you do it, you will feel a million times lighter and be ready and open to meeting someone who is a better fit.
Have you ever stayed in a relationship too long, or worse, are you currently in a relationship and know you need to break up? Tell me your story in the comments below.
I just broke off a year long relationship and used your guidelines to really know I did right, but difficult, thing! Thank you!
All of this rings true. I saw signs it was not working when I was a year into the relationship, but I was young and didn’t have a lot of confidence in myself or my ability to stand on my own. I’d never lived by myself before and so I did everything to try to fix things. I supported his career ambitions for years. I ignored the signs that we were just a ticking time bomb. In the 4th year I got pregnant. The 6th year I got pregnant again. I cannot stress this enough: no matter how badly you… Read more »
Carly, I really appreciate you sharing your story. Many things you’ve said were an eye opener for me so I thank you for your candor and honesty.
Yes, on numerous occasions. If we don’t change, aet boundaries instead of let him set all, have no self worth then this cycle repeats itself. After 1 year married I knew it wasn’t right. We had 2 kids and after16 years with an alcoholic, it was over. Next, 6 years with a narcissist who abused me from month 3, physically, emotionally, financially and sexually. The last concussion, still protecting him and not pressing charges, but the police helped me realize it wouldn’t change. Finally, I met a great guy! But later to find out he has an avoidant personality type.… Read more »
Just not interested in the relationship
I broke off a four month relationship which was at a turning point..to eiither go forward ((go deeper and more intimate) or quit. He was moving very slowly and cautiously forward, but did show signs of caring and intimacy. I think I called for an ultimatum from him too soon. I was pushy and impatient
None of those signs were happening. But he just seemed indecisive.
I’m in a relationship where we can’t get resolve on one issue! It keeps coming between us ! We have an argument about it atleast once a week ! Now I’m being given the silent treatment because I got angry again! He left the house and I don’t know where he is! Been a few days! I’m beside myself! Does this mean the end when he doesn’t answer my calls or texts?
Is it punishment for my behavior?
I don’t know what to do?
Any idea what To fix this?
Currently in limbo back and forth! Moved out a year ago but neither of us can fully let go! I think I’m ready!
I stayed in my marriage too long! I went 40 years prior to ending it due to numerous infidelity issues… I finally couldn’t take it anymore and realized it wasn’t my fault as my ex always sad it was. It was his I’ll choices that caused a lot of the distrust.