We’ve all been there. You meet someone new, the chemistry is electric, and you find yourself wondering, “Could this be it?”

At Love Strategies, we are huge proponents of watching for consistency over time. But we also know that your time is your most precious asset. You don’t want to spend six months “figuring it out” only to realize he’s a high-quality talker with low-quality character. You want to separate the high-character men from the heartbreakers—and you want to do it quickly.

If you’re ready to stop guessing and start qualifying, here are five ways to see who a man really is before you’ve given him your heart.

1. Create Criteria You Can’t Cheat

Most women start defining what they want after they meet a guy. We call this “cheating the test.” You meet a charming guy who isn’t reliable, so you suddenly decide reliability isn’t that important.

I once had a client, Adriana, who looked back years later and realized she had met an amazing man but let him slip away because she didn’t recognize what she was looking at. You need a “Love Vision” a clear measuring stick, created in a vacuum. If you don’t have a target, you’ll never know when you’ve hit the bullseye.

2. Check Your “Afterglow”

Ignore how you feel before the date (that’s just dopamine and hope). Ignore how you feel during the date (that’s often just “brain mush” from eye contact and superficial charm).

Instead, check your nervous system after the date. When you are back home and the excitement has cooled:

1. Do you feel calm and secure, or agitated and on edge?

2. Did he actually ask about you, or did he just perform?

3. Was there an actual emotional connection, or just a performance? Objective clarity lives in the afterglow.

3. The Silent Movie Test

If you turned off the sound and couldn’t hear a single word he said, what would his actions tell you?

The wrong guys are experts at saying exactly what you want to hear. But if you watch him like a neutral observer, as if you were watching a movie of a friend’s life, would you be impressed by his behaviors? A man of integrity doesn’t just have a great script; he has a great track record.

4. The Company You Keep

Your mother was right: you are the average of the people you spend the most time with. When you look at this man, ask yourself the “Golden Questions”:

1. Do I want to become more like him? Would I want my future children to inherit his character? We often cut corners for ourselves that we would never cut for our children. Use that protective instinct to qualify him now.

5. The “87,600 Conversations” Rule

I recently asked AI how many meaningful conversations (5 minutes or longer) the average couple has over 20 years. The answer? Roughly 87,600.

Strip away the physical attraction and the lifestyle perks. When you are sitting across from him for the 50,000th time, is he easy to talk to? Is he a good listener? Does he add insight to your life, or is he just keeping the conversation afloat? If he can’t hold his end of the dialogue now, those 87,000 conversations are going to feel very long.