We all have beliefs about love: what it should feel like, when it should happen, and who it should happen with.

But what if some of those beliefs—especially the ones that feel the most “true”—are quietly sabotaging your chances at finding real, lasting love?

For women over 40, this becomes even more critical. You’ve lived. You’ve loved. You’ve likely learned a few hard lessons. But you may also be carrying around beliefs that once protected you… and are now holding you back.

In this post, we’re diving into four destructive beliefs that keep smart, successful women single—often for far too long. If you’ve ever said, “I’m just not attracting the right kind of men,” this one’s for you.

Why Beliefs Matter (More Than You Think)

Let’s start with the obvious: beliefs shape behavior.

A belief is just a thought you’ve repeated so many times, it starts to feel like the truth. But what if it’s not?

Maybe it’s a belief about what kind of men are “safe,” or what it means to be feminine, or what love should feel like. These internal narratives shape how you show up—and who you attract.

So let’s challenge some of them. Because once you shift the way you see love, you open yourself up to experience it in a whole new way.

Belief #1: Feminine Energy is Weak

This is a big one. Especially for the high-achieving women who’ve built careers, raised families, and led incredible lives—often by leaning into their masculine energy to get sh*t done.

But here’s the problem: when it comes to love, that same masculine energy can backfire.

You might think, “I’m not going to be some weak, girly girl.” And you’re right—you shouldn’t be. But feminine energy isn’t weakness. It’s not passivity. It’s not submission.

It’s actually the boldest form of confidence. Why?

Because feminine energy attracts.

It doesn’t chase. It sits on the throne and decides who’s worthy of stepping into her world. And that’s powerful.

Rejecting feminine energy in dating is like trying to run a marathon in heels—it’s exhausting, and it just doesn’t work.

Belief #2: True Love Should Be Easy

If you’ve ever said, “If it’s meant to be, it’ll just happen,” this one’s for you.

Love isn’t easy. Real love—deep, emotionally mature, lasting love—is work. It’s beautiful work, but it’s still work.

We’ve been fed a fantasy from rom-coms and fairy tales that love should feel effortless. And the second things get messy? We question the whole relationship.

But here’s the truth: two imperfect people trying to build a life together will always hit rough patches. What matters is how you move through them.

In fact, research shows couples who go through premarital counseling reduce their chance of divorce by 31%. Why? Because they learn how to work through the hard stuff.

So no, love isn’t always easy. But it is worth fighting for—if it’s with the right person.

Belief #3: Masculinity = Toxic

Ah yes—another cultural landmine.

The term toxic masculinity was meant to draw attention to unhealthy behaviors like aggression, suppression of emotion, or domination. And rightly so.

But somewhere along the way, the line blurred—and now masculinity itself is often viewed with suspicion.

That’s a problem.

Because not all masculinity is toxic. Healthy masculinity is leadership. Responsibility. Protection. It’s the man who makes you feel safe—emotionally and physically.

And here’s the kicker: you can’t attract something you fundamentally resent.

If you’ve lumped all masculine traits into the “bad” bucket, you’ll either keep attracting passive, emotionally unavailable men… or you’ll push away the masculine energy you say you want.

So take a moment to reflect: do you truly understand the difference between healthy and toxic masculinity? And are you open to embracing the former?

Belief #4: You Have to Feel 100% Ready Before Dating Again

Let’s bust this one right now.

You do not need to feel perfectly healed, totally radiant, or 110% ready before you get back out there.

In fact, waiting until you “feel ready” is often a sneaky form of self-protection. It feels safe. But it keeps you stuck.

Sometimes, taking action creates readiness.

Go on one date. Try one conversation. Just getting back into the rhythm can show you that you’re more ready than you think.

(And let’s be honest, sitting on the couch watching Netflix and eating Ben & Jerry’s isn’t exactly preparing you for love.)

If you wait for the stars to align and your heart to be perfectly polished, you might just wait forever.

Final Thought: What Beliefs Are Running Your Love Life?

Beliefs can be empowering—or destructive. They can open you up to possibility, or quietly keep you stuck in a cycle of disappointment and frustration.

So it’s time to ask:

• Which of these beliefs have you been holding onto?

• Which ones are ready to be rewritten?

• And who might you become if you chose a new story?

Because the truth is, love isn’t just about finding the right person. It’s also about becoming the kind of person who’s open to receiving it.

And that begins with what you believe.